The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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I would walk 500 miles
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(actual mileage may vary)

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And I would walk 500 more
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(subject to status)
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Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles*
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(*Estimate only)
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To fall down at your door
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(Terms & Conditions apply)

- The Disclaimers
 
Yup!

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A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it and sees a man standing there.
He asks the lady, “Do you have a vagina?”
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door. It’s the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door again.

Later that night, when her husband gets home, she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking a day off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again.”
The next morning, they hear a knock at the door and both head for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, “I’m going to hide behind the door and listen, and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question. I want to see where he’s going with this.” She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a vagina?”
“Yes I do,” responds the lady.

The man replies, “Good, then would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”
 
mikew said:
Just nearly made a mistake on another forum, did a picture of a green door with a padlock on , was going to put who remembers the green door, then i found out it was also a cult porn film :exit:
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Coffee/keyboard interface!!!! :bat:
 
mikew said:
Just nearly made a mistake on another forum, did a picture of a green door with a padlock on , was going to put who remembers the green door, then i found out it was also a cult porn film :exit:
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Or a song by Shaking Stevens, probably as bad as each other.
 
mikew said:
Just nearly made a mistake on another forum, did a picture of a green door with a padlock on , was going to put who remembers the green door, then i found out it was also a cult porn film :exit:
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Not a fan of porn - not through any prurience, just that it's hardly an entertaining spectator sport (compared with it as a participant one... :D) but I think I'd rather watch the film than the video!
 
Reminds me of a Queen double A side single for some reason. And a Not The 9 O'Clock News sketch (if they take American Express!)
 
Nod said:
Reminds me of a Queen double A side single for some reason. And a Not The 9 O'Clock News sketch (if they take American Express!)
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There's a video that went with the song too, but I rather suspect Pamela Stephenson doesn't accept credit cards any more.
 
She might - BUTT (sic!) you have to swipe said card between her husbands ar5e cheeks!
 
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Something both funny and distasteful all in one about this one...
 
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boogie man said:
I think it’s just distasteful to be honest. The guy has just died, he deserves some respect. :(
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And me bloody horrible ,should really be removed from the forum ,totally bad taste
 
A warning has been given for this post
The Rules said:
Conduct and behaviour
  • Don't swear. Don't be offensive. Be polite. Don't bore everyone with drivel. Don't moan about moderation.
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AHILL said:
oh dear someone left the PC club gates open again. :sleep:
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I don't think I could ever be described as PC or a tree hugger but tbh sometimes I find humour very personal and what works for some doesn't work for others and as it's a forum we are ALL free to comment on posts within reason. It's up to the mods to remove or not as they see fit and I accept their decision as final arbiter.
 
MatBin said:
I don't think I could ever be described as PC or a tree hugger but tbh sometimes I find humour very personal and what works for some doesn't work for others and as it's a forum we are ALL free to comment on posts within reason. It's up to the mods to remove or not as they see fit and I accept their decision as final arbiter.
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Sorry if my humour upset you, its a very personal thing and doesn't work for everyone I thought it was apt, hence the post. :D
 
AHILL said:
Sorry if my humour upset you, its a very personal thing and doesn't work for everyone I thought it was apt, hence the post. :D
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Not a problem.
 
Apparently 2,385 people got married locally last year. Can't help thinking that it should be an even number...
 
Be Careful!!!
Warming:
If youse gets a link called "Free Porn" don t opin it ?!!"#$%
It is a birus wich deactivats yur Spelchec and garblis up yur riting.
I alsu receibed its, but lukily I don't does porn so I didnt opin its.
Warn al1 yor vriends!!..��
 
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