The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[Gremlin]

 

[Phil1974]

That moment when a BMW driver reads the owner’s manual.....

.......... and sees the word 'indicator'.

Ha ha, BMW drivers can read! That’s a good one [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Steep]

Almost 40 years together and my Wife still gets upset if I use her toothbrush!

If anyone knows of another way to get dog poo out of trainers I'm all ears.

 

[Farmerjim]

View attachment 119210

Sorry, I'm stealing this! Needs to go on my FB page

 

[gm43uk]

My Dad always told me “Don’t be too quick to find faults.”

Good man, terrible geologist.

 

[mikew]

 

[Cobra]

 

[mikew]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[DorsetDude]

Just started my new Adam Ant diet. You can have whatever you want to eat but don't chew ever, don't chew ever

 

[Gremlin]

@Server Hamster

 

[Cobra]

 

[DorsetDude]

 

[DorsetDude]

You know when you buy a bag of salad and it starts getting brown and has that gross water in it?

No

 

[mikew]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Marc]

I bought a Venus fly trap because it said on the label "eats bugs and flies"

Lying bastards!.. mine hasn't left its pot.

 

[Marc]

After finding 5 Mars, 3 Snickers, a Galaxy and a Twix in this Celebrations box, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to be a Bounty hunter

 

[Marc]

What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

The teachers tend to Babylon.

 

[kendo1]

From the Rochdale Herald:
Fat bottomed ape learns to mimic human sounds

https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2018/01/31/donald-trump-learns-mimic-human-sounds/

In other news:
US Military confirm nuclear weapons controlled by simple massive orange knob

 

[camerassassin]

 

[Cartus]

View attachment 119447

Is that your sole pun or are you being koi I wonder?

 

[StewartR]

I wish you'd stop carping on about these fish puns. There's no place for that round here.

 

[MatBin]

That's de-bassing humour.

 

[camerassassin]

Hmm - I was sent this You Tube video - the video is not particularly brilliant - but some may appreciate the lyrics

View: https://youtu.be/6l1GvDWtccI

 

[mikew]

From the Rochdale Herald:
Fat bottomed ape learns to mimic human sounds
View attachment 119445
https://rochdaleherald.co.uk/2018/01/31/donald-trump-learns-mimic-human-sounds/

In other news:
US Military confirm nuclear weapons controlled by simple massive orange knob

Hope i never get that rich and powerfull that no one dare tell me i look like F-ing orange.

 

[camerassassin]

Specially for Face Book Addicts

 

[Steep]

 

[Byker28i]

Thats strange as both Kate and Wills are British citizens... whats the point of that?

 

[Mark twiglet]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Cobra]

 

[mikew]

 

[Marc]

 

[Graham]

Why do hookers make more cash than drug dealers?

Hookers can wash their crack and sell it again!!!
LMFAO[emoji23]

 

[gm43uk]

The first rule of Jacob Rees-Mogg Fight Club is non loqui de pugna clava.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

 

[Marc]

 

[gm43uk]

View attachment 119520

And the trouble is we keep voting for them