camerassassin
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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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OP
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OP
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Buckingham Palace got in touch to say that I was PROBABLY going to be given an honour, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot, I said probably's not good enough and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
kennethwfd
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boss employs secretary who mentions on several occasions "your garage door is open"
Over lunch he comments regarding this new temp and garage doors
Erm....Your files are undone
Aftrenoon..."Regarding the garage doors - I suppose you saw a Ferrari with a bright red hard top"
"No, a little pink 2CV with four flat tyres"
camerassassin
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StewartR
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camerassassin
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Brendan Mulachy
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I invented the rubber sandal for people with one leg. It was a flop.
ianp5a
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Yes. He went out on a limb, and got off on the wrong foot. Which cost him an arm and a leg.Ooh that was prosthetic
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camerassassin
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omens
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The Russian Maid asked for a pay rise. The wife was very worried about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.
She asked, “Now Anna; why do you want more pay?”
Anna: “Well, Ma’am, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first reason is that I am cleaning better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you are cleaning better than me?”
Anna: “Your husband he say so.”
Wife: “Really?”
Anna: “The second reason is that I am better cook than you.”
Wife: “Don’t talk nonsense !, Who said you were a better cook than me?”
Anna: “Your husband said.”
Wife increasingly angried: “Oh he did, did he?”
Anna: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Anna: “No Ma’am, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
She asked, “Now Anna; why do you want more pay?”
Anna: “Well, Ma’am, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze. The first reason is that I am cleaning better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you are cleaning better than me?”
Anna: “Your husband he say so.”
Wife: “Really?”
Anna: “The second reason is that I am better cook than you.”
Wife: “Don’t talk nonsense !, Who said you were a better cook than me?”
Anna: “Your husband said.”
Wife increasingly angried: “Oh he did, did he?”
Anna: “The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed.”
Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth asks, “And did my husband say that as well?”
Anna: “No Ma’am, the gardener did.”
Wife: “So how much do you want?”
camerassassin
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Graham
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A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"
The father said, "Why, it's a 'Chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads bfrom the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'Djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, "These are 'Babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."
"Then tell me," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?”
"Why are you wearing all this s*** in Bradford?”
The father said, "Why, it's a 'Chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads bfrom the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'Djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, "These are 'Babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."
"Then tell me," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?”
"Why are you wearing all this s*** in Bradford?”
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Only liked this because I like pancakes. I would unlike it but won't, due to the intervening post!!!
