The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

On the animal side of things ...

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that-was-terrible.pnge

This was of course replying/referring to the pink slithery thing's post directly above
 
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At a travel agency in Shanghai, I asked the Chinese girl behind the counter if she could escort me on a city tour and asked her for her mobile number so I could call her to make arrangements.
She gave me a big smile, nodded her head and said,
"Sex sex sex, wan free sex for tonight".

I replied, "Wow, you Chinese women are really hospitable.

A guy standing next to me overheard, tapped me on the shoulder and said,

"What she really said was: 666136429.
 
Nearly made love to a Ladyboy last night. She looked like a woman. talked like a woman, kissed like a woman, and smelt like a woman.
She drove me back to her place and it was only when she reversed into the garage first time, I thought Hang on a minute.
 
Sleepydawg said:
Nearly made love to a Ladyboy last night. She looked like a woman. talked like a woman, kissed like a woman, and smelt like a woman.
She drove me back to her place and it was only when she reversed into the garage first time, I thought Hang on a minute.
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I picked up a couple of Thai girls last night and it was like winning the lottery - we had six matching balls [emoji32]
 
I'm proper British me
Being British is about driving a German car
to an Irish pub
for a Belgian beer,
then on the way home,
grabbing an Indian curry
or a Turkish kebab,
to sit on a Swedish sofa
and watch USA shows
on a Japanese TV.
And most of all
being suspicious of anything Foreign
 
I was out with the wife in a pub in Newcastle last night. This bloke comes wandering through the crowd and stops next to us. He leans forward and whispers in the wife's ear " I want to fill your fanny up with Guinness and drink the bloody lot". She was absolutely shocked, and furious! She told me I should march the foul mouthed man out of the pub and give him a good slap, " There's no way I'm fighting a man that can drink that much beer" was my reply.
 
Three women, a blonde, a brunette and a red head, are talking amongst themselves about sex.

The brunette says, "I heard if you have sex lying down, you will have a baby boy!"

The red head states, "Well, i heard that if you are on top, you will have a baby girl!"

The blonde looks at both of them with some worry and says, "Does that mean i will have puppies!?"
 
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