The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

When is the funfair?
 
Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"

"Well, Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"

"And the boar tore up his leg?"

"No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"

"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?"

"No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."

"And that was when he hurt his leg?"

"Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."

"OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"

"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once!"
 
DorsetDude said:
Premature ejaculator seeks young lady for fling.
Must have large breasts, shapely hips, long tanned legs and, aawwwwwwww, f***s sake! Never mind!
Click to expand...
Reminds me of this one:

Guy turns up at fancy dress party, wearing only his y-fronts.

Host asks, "Who have you come as?"

Answers, "A premature ejaculation... I came in my pants."

[emoji3] [emoji3]
 
Quoth said:
Reminds me of this one:

Guy turns up at fancy dress party, wearing only his y-fronts.

Host asks, "Who have you come as?"

Answers, "A premature ejaculation... I came in my pants."

[emoji3] [emoji3]
Click to expand...

I'm afraid this is as bad...

A man turns up at a fancy dress party wearing nothing other than a condom on his nose,

"Who have you come as?"

"F**k nose"

:eek:
 
What does a grape say after it’s stepped on?



Nothing. It just lets out a little wine.
 
I guess we all have days like this



20994387_1489230817851736_8366667740331666744_n.jpg
 
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