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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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OP
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mikew
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Boudreaux called the front desk. The clerk answered, "May I help you?"
Boudreaux said, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to the room right away. I'm having an argument with Clotil and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but that's really a personal problem."
Boudreaux replied, "Listen buddy, the window won't open, and that's a maintenance problem."
Boudreaux said, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to the room right away. I'm having an argument with Clotil and she says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk said, "I'm sorry, Sir, but that's really a personal problem."
Boudreaux replied, "Listen buddy, the window won't open, and that's a maintenance problem."
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As in when she takes it off you wonder where her t**s went.As in "I wonder" what's in there?
mikew
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mikew
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I went into a photographic shop the other day looking for a new lens. I was surprised that whilst there was plenty of choice, each lens was only available as an f5.6, and nothing else. Despite that, it was quite an enjoyable trip to the shop and fully showed the advantages of one stop shopping. 
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Last week I was surprised to hear that one of boy bands of the 80s and 90s was still going. I thought they had disbanded years ago. I was never a fan of boy bands but I think they might need a little help to raise their profiles.
An amalgamation would be useful – economy of scale, bigger potential fan base etc - and think I have a name that will catch the imagination of the public.
Please welcome, “ThatBoyzWet”
Dave
An amalgamation would be useful – economy of scale, bigger potential fan base etc - and think I have a name that will catch the imagination of the public.
Please welcome, “ThatBoyzWet”
Dave
Bobsyeruncle
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Eh?
The reasons for people being admitted to an asylum are we all on there somewhere
View attachment 107654
Looks like the CV of some politicians.
andyred
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OP
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Cannibal one: "Your wife makes lovely soup"
Cannibal two: "Yes, but I will miss her"
Cannibal two: "Yes, but I will miss her"
mikew
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.'
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?