The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

who, England Dan? in which case don't forget John Ford Coley


(that will test your age)
 
munch said:
who, England Dan? in which case don't forget John Ford Coley

(that will test your age)
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Not English Dan, which I didn't know about until I looked it up 10 minutes ago, Steely Dan from the 1970's.
 
not Span, but spam.
 
DorsetDude said:
You mean Steeleye Span?

Hang in there folks, normal joke service will be resumed soon.
#threadderail
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Yes I do, mistake due to a mixture of age and not waiting for the first cup of tea to fully enter the bloodstream :(
 
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One of those was reported missing down here a few years back. Spotted shortly afterwards on a peregrine nest webcam, rather less intact than the one above!
 
DorsetDude said:
Well the missus suggestion of playing Doctors and Nurses didnt go the way she'd hoped. I put her on a trolley, left her in the hall and ignored her for two days.
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My wife bought a nurse's uniform to try and liven up our bedroom time - it's OK but it's a bit tight on me
 
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him,
grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying.

“This is the worst day of my life,” says the little guy between sobs. “I can't do anything right.”
“I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.”

"When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance.
And I left my wallet in the cab I took home."

"When I got home, I found my wife in bed with the gardener and then my dog bit me".

"So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life,
I dropped some poison into my drink, and was waiting for it to dissolve,
and then you show up and drink the damn thing" ...

"But enough about me, how's your day going?"
 
Cobra said:
What you have to remember is, not everyone is as old as you, and may not have heard it before :p
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they would have to be 3 months old not to have heard that before :exit::exit:
 
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Yesterday my wife spent three hours dragging me round the shops. Eventually she said "Look, you're just too heavy. Get out of the bloody sledge!".
 
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