The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?"

She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
 
What does Miley Cyrus eat for Christmas?
Twerky.
 
We're having a Brexit themed Christmas dinner this year...

No Brussels!
 
n0chex said:
We're having a Brexit themed Christmas dinner this year...

No Brussels!
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To be honest I'm not sure whether or not "No Brussels" is a god idea, but at least it means we don't have to worry about whether or not we should have Turkey.

(@Alastair - is that what you wanted?)
 
Mag1cp2x said:
My wife has asked for something for Christmas that will make her body tremble and her nipples harden - so I've switched off the heating :naughty:
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Send me a pm and I'll explain how you can do it without turning off the heating :p
 
Bobsyeruncle said:
Send me a pm and I'll explain how you can do it without turning off the heating :p
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Thanks, but If your idea involves me raising anything more than a finger and doesn't save me money I'm not interested !
 
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I always knew, no good would come of those things!

turbine.jpg
 
Jacob Marley: Tonight you will be visited by two ghosts.

Scrooge: I thought it was three ghosts?

Jacob Marley: LOL no it's 2016 there is no future.
 
Steep how long have you known my mrs :banana:
 
Top tip, if you need a new sofa, wait a couple of days, DFS might have a sale on.
 
Steep said:
Top tip, if you need a new sofa, wait a couple of days, DFS might have a sale on.
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I was thinking about it, if I order now, do you think I'll get it for Christmas? (2017)
 
funny_winter_memes_and_fails23.jpg
 
My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer last night.
I told her I was looking for cheap flights.
"I love you!" she said, and then she got all excited,
That night we had the most amazing sex ever...
Which is odd because she’s never shown an interest in darts before?
 
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