The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Who'd bother with three pairs of eyes to look at?
 
Ageing is not a linear process.

It happens in steps.

You're cruising along on a flat level time line, not ageing, not in body or mind.

Then "WHAM"! A seismic tectonic shift slams you off the road and you are tsunamid into the next phase of decline.

I read the f*****g text.

s***, s***, s***.
 
I told my boss I needed a pay rise, I said that 3 other companies were after me.

Boss "really, which ones?"

I said "the electric, gas & water"
 
Why is it old people say 'there's no place like home', yet when you put them in one...
 
Their careers took a downturn after Cornell left...
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works on common houseflies too.

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Steep said:
works on common houseflies too.
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Click to expand...
I use a similar technique at work for killing mice ..
Place a small piece of cheese in the same place for a week,
Mouse comes along and eats cheese.

A week later, you place a piece of bacon in the same place, and also place a razor blade, just in front of the the bacon.
The mouse leans over the razor blade, looks from side to side saying wot no cheese?
 
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