The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

hEVocat.jpg
 
Can I have two boxes of Sudofed please?

No sorry the law says you can only have one at a time.

Ok I'll take one box and these seven guns.
 
What starts with a 'C', contains the letters U, N, and T, is hairy on the outside, and soft on the inside?

A coconut!
 
whiskyvan.jpg
 
It's not my fault, I stole it off an American!
 
Steep said:
View attachment 66912
Click to expand...
I have a cousin, that used to tell his kids, when they were small, either,
a) the ice cream man plays his tunes to tell the kids that he'd run out of ice cream ( tight git :D )
b) that it was the winkle man ( now there is a blast from the past! )
 
^^^^​

This post, #694, was created as a thread with the title
The Art of Story Telling in Photography
and was, I think, a very cool project.

Someone decided to move it here without consultation
​
Though humour was chosen to tackle the idea and to start the thread
humour was just meant as a starter

I do not agree with the arbitrary of that decision.​
 
l take it you haven't looked at this thread ?
The link is full of memes which is what this thread is partly about, so yes it belongs here not in
it's own thread that would cover the same subject and have to be merged later !
 
Kodiak Qc said:
^^^^​

This post, #694, was created as a thread with the title
The Art of Story Telling in Photography
and was, I think, a very cool project.

Someone decided to move it here without consultation​

Though humour was chosen to tackle the idea and to start the thread
humour was just meant as a starter

I do not agree with the arbitrary of that decision.​
Click to expand...


I'm not quite sure why you felt the need to have such big text and layout like that...can we as a forum not read 'normal'

Anyway the latter part of your text and whether you agree or not... . Tough really!
 
Maybe contact the Mods and ask if it can be left as a separate thread.
 
Cobra said:
I have a cousin, that used to tell his kids, when they were small, either,
a) the ice cream man plays his tunes to tell the kids that he'd run out of ice cream ( tight git :D )
b) that it was the winkle man ( now there is a blast from the past! )
Click to expand...

When my nephew was little I used to take him to the local pet shop and tell him it was the zoo :)
 
Steep said:
Maybe contact the Mods and ask if it can be left as a separate thread.
Click to expand...
•


I did that last night when I was notified
of the move Hugh… got no reaction yet"
 
Kodiak Qc said:
^^^^​

This post, #694, was created as a thread with the title
The Art of Story Telling in Photography
and was, I think, a very cool project.

Someone decided to move it here without consultation​

Though humour was chosen to tackle the idea and to start the thread
humour was just meant as a starter

I do not agree with the arbitrary of that decision.​
Click to expand...

It isn't the art of story telling in photography... It's a bunch of MEMES.
Why start another thread for them when a perfectly good one already exists?
 
A pretty little girl named Suzy was sitting on the pavement in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing “FREE KITTENS.”
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man. “Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Conservative Party, David Cameron, what do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Mr Cameron.
Suzy replied, “They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“They're REMAIN IN THE EU supporters,” answered Suzy with a sweet smile.
Mr Cameron was delighted, a golden opportunity beckoned.
As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, the three of them agreed that they should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when Cameron’s motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, Channels 4, Channels 5, CNN and Sky News, cameras and the audio equipment were quickly set up, then Cameron got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away.”
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They're BREXIT supporters.”
Taken by surprise, David Cameron stammered, “But yesterday, you told me they were REMAIN IN THE EU SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”
 
Cartus said:
A pretty little girl named Suzy was sitting on the pavement in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing “FREE KITTENS.”
Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man. “Hi there little girl, I’m the leader of the Conservative Party, David Cameron, what do you have in the basket?” he asked.
“Kittens,” little Suzy said.
“How old are they?” asked Mr Cameron.
Suzy replied, “They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet.”
“And what kind of kittens are they?”
“They're REMAIN IN THE EU supporters,” answered Suzy with a sweet smile.
Mr Cameron was delighted, a golden opportunity beckoned.
As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens. Recognizing the perfect photo op, the three of them agreed that they should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of “FREE KITTENS,” when Cameron’s motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from BBC, ITV, Channels 4, Channels 5, CNN and Sky News, cameras and the audio equipment were quickly set up, then Cameron got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
“Hello, again,” he said, “I’d love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away.”
“Yes sir,” Suzy said. “They're BREXIT supporters.”
Taken by surprise, David Cameron stammered, “But yesterday, you told me they were REMAIN IN THE EU SUPPORTERS.”
Little Suzy smiled and said, “I know. But today, they have their eyes open.”
Click to expand...
Insert words which are appropriate to your stated views at relevant points in the above rather tired joke.
 
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Some people said Jeremy Beadle had a small penis, but on the other hand it could look quite big.
 
I crossed the road, walked into a bar and changed a light bulb ..

.. then I realised my life was a joke.
 
A man walked into a pub with a full grown alligator. Everyone stared.

The man said when he had everyones attention - "I will put my organ into the alligators jaws if someone will buy me a drink".

Very quickly a free bottle of drink with the top off was thrust into his hand and his bluff was called.

Calmly the man unzipped and did as he promised - the alligator snapped its jaws shut with an earth shattering slam.

When he had finished his drink the man looked around the room and rapped the alligator smartly over the head with the empty bottle whereby the alligator promptly opened it's jaws leaving the man intact.

"If anyone else will try that I will pay them £1000 cash the man said"

No-one moved and there were mutters all round the room.

Suddenly a blonde came forward shaking her long hair "I'll try do it she said ----------- but there's one condition ------------ you have to promise not to hit me over the head with the bottle."
 
Cartus said:
A man walked into a pub with a full grown alligator. Everyone stared.

The man said when he had everyones attention - "I will put my organ into the alligators jaws if someone will buy me a drink".

Very quickly a free bottle of drink with the top off was thrust into his hand and his bluff was called.

Calmly the man unzipped and did as he promised - the alligator snapped its jaws shut with an earth shattering slam.

When he had finished his drink the man looked around the room and rapped the alligator smartly over the head with the empty bottle whereby the alligator promptly opened it's jaws leaving the man intact.

"If anyone else will try that I will pay them £1000 cash the man said"

No-one moved and there were mutters all round the room.

Suddenly a blonde came forward shaking her long hair "I'll try do it she said ----------- but there's one condition ------------ you have to promise not to hit me over the head with the bottle."
Click to expand...
I find this joke in poor taste considering the recent Florida alligator attack.

Disclaimer: I dont really, but it saves some other humourless old s***bag busybody typing it.
 
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