The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

As I watch this generation try to re-write history 2 things I can be sertain of it will be misspelled and the punktuation will be crap.
 
mex said:
As I watch this generation try to re-write history 2 things I can be sertain of it will be misspelled and the punktuation will be crap.
Click to expand...
I "liked" this ... and then thought actually, it's not funny! :thinking:
 
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Stalin summons the secretary for agriculture.

”Comrade, tell me how is the potato crop.”

The agri secretary says, “Comrade, if all of our potatoes were piled high they would reach the gates of heaven.”

Stalin responds, “I am disappointed in you Comrade. You know the presidium has declared there to be no heaven.”

”There are no potatoes either.”

Dave
 
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A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"
 
Officer: "Madam, swimming is prohibited in this lake."
Lady: "Why didn't you tell me when I was removing my clothes?"
Officer: "Well, that's not prohibited."
 
A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
 
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