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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
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BREAKING: In response to the cost of living crisis, Rishi Sunak is taking the bold step of capping the price of essential food items such as goose barnacles, foie gras, white truffles, elvish honey, osetra caviar, and edible gold leaf desserts
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ancient_mariner
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Old, but worth repeating.
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large bank accounts. But ... the decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. No more credit card and large bank accounts. But ... the decision is all yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Tony?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
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Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap.
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