Petrochemist
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- Mike
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I was surprised by the first husband most would rather fork out for the riviera than spend a fortnight with their in-laws!
and the site receives a small commission
The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- 49,339
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- Nod (UK)
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- Name
- Ingrid
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Last edited:
Mag1cp2x
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- Graeme
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Further to my above post -
The leader of the Taliban called me to say that they will recognise the climate emergency by phasing out gas boilers by 2006 to achieve their carbon net zero target and that they are committed to replacing their fleet of Toyota Hi-lux pickups with all electric vehicles by 2030 …
munch
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John Travolta tested negative for corona virus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be re leased. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met an herbivore.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
My friend died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten ded
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be re leased. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.
Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy.
People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin’ Catholic.
What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth? Someday my prints will come.
A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I’d never met an herbivore.
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it.
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.
If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
My friend died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.
Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten ded
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- Heather
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You're a day early ...
Mag1cp2x
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- Graeme
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I was with two other elderly men at the local clinic having our annual check ups when the doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.
The doctor asked the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replied the second man.
Turning to me he asked "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," I said.
"That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that ?"
"Simple, I subtracted 274 from Tuesday !"
"274," was his reply.
The doctor asked the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replied the second man.
Turning to me he asked "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," I said.
"That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that ?"
"Simple, I subtracted 274 from Tuesday !"
ancient_mariner
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- Toni
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How I wish someone could implement that!
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- Richard
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The most annoying, for me, is not those but peak, peek and pique, each of which is used regularly in a photographic context but seldom with the appropriate spelling
.
AndrewFlannigan
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Having reached the peak of the hill, I took a peek over the old wall and saw enough to pique my interest...
