The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

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You've posted the same one twice in a row.
That must be a record.....

 

[Nod]

 

[sirch]

Somewhat NSFW ... depends where you work I suppose

Spoiler: NSFW

 

[Cobra]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[ianp5a]

Exciting day! The fire alarm went off, and I had to stand outside in my pyjamas.
I was in our office building in a meeting wearing a suit at the time.
Luckily I keep pyjamas in my desk.

 

[ianp5a]

True story actually. The fire alarm really did go off briefly just now. And inspired my joke

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Gremlin]

 

[Norkie]

Family fortunes answers 3

real wrong and funny family fortunes answers

The funniest and best list of Family Fortunes answers. (Contestants from the ITV Family Fortunes game-show are asked to guess the most popular answers to questions posed in a survey.) Family Fortunes is still shown on TV and remains a rich source of hilariously funny answers like these below.

Something that has a shell: "Batman.."

Any dance apart from the waltz: "The ball dance.."

Something a policeman might say: "Spread 'em.."

Something that frightens Dracula: "The King of the Vampires.."

A non-living object with legs: "A plant.."

A sign of the Zodiac: "April.."

An animal associated with a nursery rhyme: "Andy Pandy.."

A mode of transport that you can walk in: "Your shoes.."

An animal with big ears: "A bear.."

Something you do on water: "Wallpaper.."

A musical instrument you can play in the bath: "A drum kit.."

Something associated with Egypt: "Cigars.."

A part of your body you only have one of: "Your big toe.."

Something you pull: "A potato.."

An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."

A famous Phil or Philip: "Phil Johnson.."

A habit people try to give up: "Spitting.."

A Thunderbirds character: "Doctor Spock.."

Another TV gameshow with the word 'family' in the title: "The Generation Game.."

A seaside resort on the south coast: " Rio de Janeiro.."

Something you open other than a door: "Your bowels.."

Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.."

Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."

A food than can easily be eaten without chewing: "Chips.."

A type of record: "A floppy disk.."

A type of large cat: "Persian.."

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Nod]

 

[Cobra]

 

[Nod]

 

[Jelster]

Somewhat NSFW ... depends where you work I suppose

Spoiler: NSFW

View attachment 318919

I hate to see how sad I am, but that's the original cover from the Ladybird Course Fishing book, which I had as a kid, was passed down my son, and his step son now has it...... Must be 50 years old now.

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Bobsyeruncle]

True story actually. The fire alarm really did go off briefly just now. And inspired my joke

The fire alarm sounds about as funny as your joke

 

[Marc]

 

[Nod]

Why did she leave the pillow? Too soft by half, parents of today...

 

[Nod]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[Farmerjim]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[Cobra]

Not exactly a joke, but it did make me smile
( this is a genuine advert posted on the net locally today)
So on top of everything else, now there is this.?
What is it that they know that we don't ?

 

[Nod]

 

[Brendan Mulachy]

 

[Nod]

A wrong solution would be even funnier IMO!

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[D-Mitch]

 

[mikew]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]

 

[G.K.Jnr.]