The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Steep said:
Only ever saw one of those Dysons in a Tesco store and it was utterly manky. Very bad design.
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Not too bad a design, just poor maintenance of the thing. If people bothered to read the instructions, they'd see that the water reservoir needs to be emptied regularly and assorted orifices need cleaning, as does the whole machine. The Dyson Air Blades are rather high maintenance compared to most of the hot air blowers and skank up if when neglected.
 
The new design Dyson dryers are OK.
 
Cobra said:
Now here's a happy thought :D
(sorry about the source)

Researchers found 27 times more germs in the air around jet-air dryers in comparison with the air around paper towel dispensers.

They found also found five times more bacteria around jet-air dryers than warm air dryers.

Previous research has shown that usually after going to the toilet a person has around 200 million bacteria per square inch on each hand.

And hands contaminated with viruses can transfer them to five more surfaces or 14 other subjects.



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/a...-paper-towels-study-claims.html#ixzz4NdxUGN1S
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Must be True the Daily Mail said so!!!
 
ianp5a said:
It is said,... many know this already,... it's not a joke actually,... that a bowl of salted peanuts, on a bar, at any one time, will contain 17 flavours of urine. It's a scientific fact! 17! It's true. Peanut anyone?
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And don't forget the free organic dental floss [emoji15][emoji15][emoji15]
 
But she's a serial fistee!!!
 
MOD new carriers - plans to help pay for some aircraft to carry. GO KARTS!!!

new carrier.jpg
 
14691084_1098483966871465_2877186365692154654_n.jpg
 
It was my birthday the other day and my wife told me I could put my d*** anywhere I wanted to.

Apparently her sister wasn't what she was referring to.
 
hands.jpg
 
I called an old school friend on the telephone and asked him what he was doing.

He replied that he is working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics,
aluminium and steel under a constrained environment".

I was impressed....

On further inquiring, I have learned that he was washing dishes, and
pots, and pans, with hot water....under his wife's supervision.
 
And on little old lady themes

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the! car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Moral: Don't mess with little old ladies!

 
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