The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He asks the bartender for a beer, and one for the road.
 
©Jimmy Carr...

A 2 word joke.


Dwarf shortage.
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hunting buffalo one day to no avail. Tonto jumps off his horse, puts his ear to ground and says, "Buffalo come." The Lone Ranger asks, "How do you know that?" Tonto replies, "Ear sticky."
 
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A vampire walks into a bar, sits down, and says to the bartender, "A cup of boiling water, please." The bartender, confused and scared, walks up with the water and says, "I thought vampires drank blood..." The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "Yes, it's tea time."
 
I only allow myself to misbehave on days with a "T" in them - Montag, Dienstag etc....
 
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