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The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )
- Thread starter Cobra
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- Keith
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I got very emotional at the petrol station this morning. I dont know why, I just started filling up.
Box Brownie
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Yes, me tooIt took me a couple of minutes but I got there
Brendan Mulachy
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- dave
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It seems that a poop deck isn't what I thought it was. Apologies to all on the Cutty Sark this morning.
OP
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- The real Chris
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Ah yes the old "elephant with a 3 foot trunk" GagWinter warmer anyone
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- Ingrid
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OP
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- The real Chris
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could Relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,
'How does that feel?'
He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could Relieve your pain if you'd allow me.' she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.
He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,
'How does that feel?'
He replied: 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!'.
Brendan Mulachy
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- 2,139
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- dave
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i was chatting up a gypsy bird last night and she said to me do i want to go back to her place and have a good time
she wasnt kidding i went on the dodgems, the waltzers, the ghost train and i even managed to come home with a goldfish
she wasnt kidding i went on the dodgems, the waltzers, the ghost train and i even managed to come home with a goldfish
admirable
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- 11,612
- Name
- Jim
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An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, live in Arkansas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife ‘Notice anything different about me?’
Margaret looks him over, ‘Nope.’
Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time ‘Notice anything different NOW?’
Margaret looks up and says, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.’
Furious, Bert yells, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?
‘Nope’ she replies.
‘IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’ Bert yells.
To which Margaret replies…”Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat.”
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly.
He walks into the house and says to his wife ‘Notice anything different about me?’
Margaret looks him over, ‘Nope.’
Frustrated, Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.
Again, he asks, a little louder this time ‘Notice anything different NOW?’
Margaret looks up and says, ‘Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.’
Furious, Bert yells, AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?
‘Nope’ she replies.
‘IT’S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!’ Bert yells.
To which Margaret replies…”Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat.”