I own V500 and went through a lot of trial and error with it so I understand your pain
Firstly, ICE does not work for B/W negatives at all so it should be off.
Then V500 native resolution only goes to 4800 dpi, 9600 is an interpolated one. Even that 4800 rarely gives you more details than scanned at lower resolution. What I tend to do is to scan at 4800 and then downsample it to 2400 or 3200 - this produces marginally better images than scanning at those settings directly.
I would advise to get a VueScan - you can control things with it that you cannot (not directly) with Epson software. For example, VueScan Pro allows to set an exposure (setting that controls scanning sensor gain) so you can vary it to expose darker parts of negative more (helps with the noise as boosting them in PP does not always help). Epson software can also do it but apparently you have to tweak the curves (blue one in particular) to make it expose for longer/up the gain. Have a look at this
article if you want to try that with Epson software.
And the last, I would really switch off all the sharpening, noise reduction etc stuff in scanner software as it does not really add the resolution (noise/grain reduction simply blurs the image more) - you can always do it yourself in PP usually with better results.
Regarding the grain - unlike digital photography (sensor based), in film the grain will be more apparent in midtones not shadows or highlights. You should not therefore expect the same characteristics from scanned film as you'd see on digitally made photo.