Your favourite phrases...

ChrisMClark

ChrisMClark

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Taking inspiration from Ian's annoying phrases thread I thought I'd see what your favourite ones are :lol:

For me:

'I wouldn't **** in your mouth if your teeth were on fire!'

'You're so fat you have smaller fat people orbiting around you.'

Makes me smile anyway :cool:
 
Talk to the elbow because at this point even the hand ain't listening.
 
One my mate told me her Dad says when it's pointed out that someone's flies are low:

"you never see a dead bird fall out of it's cage"

Made me giggle
 
I alway seem to say this a lot: "Let's it this way, mate, if you have a higher IQ, you'd be declared as being stupid".

I'm sure I've got a couple more phrases knocking about in my head, I'll put them in here once they spring to mind.
 
One from my first boss...

"There are pikies out there laying tarmac that have more concern for doing a good job than you!"
 
if you dont clear off , i'll go and sh** on your bed.

your village just called. theyre missing their idiot.

do i have t*** tatooed on my forehead?

run, monkey boy

does he have trouble walking and talking at the same time?

i fart in your general direction.
have you got any naked photos of your mum? wanna buy some?
 
you're about as much use as *******s on a barbie doll
 
your village just called. theyre missing their idiot.
Click to expand...
:lol:

i hope you're next **** is a hedgehog

youre about as useful as tits on a bull.

it would be easier nailing a jelly to a tree.
 
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Wow, by the look on your face you'd think I'd walked in and **** on your mum on Christmas day.
 
"you are 2 kind....kinds of what I dont know"
:)
 
'Pick a window. You're leaving.'
 
A one that should make many remind themselves of how lucky they are.

"There but for the grace of God." !!
 
A chap at work told somebody they were 'about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest' the other day :lol::lol::lol:
 
Boss to a former colleague: "You have exceptionally low standards, and consistently fail to meet them"
 
"does your mum know you're out ?"

"they're proof that care in the community doesn't work"

"as much use as a 2nd hand tampon"
 
...a face like a bulldog's ar*e chewing a wasp...

or

Kiss my Shiny Metal Ass... (Bender from Futurama)
 
As easy as underwater soot juggling
 
Another one I've heard a few times recently from teenagers is "sweating like a P**** in a nursery"

Also, when my uncle gets annoyed at bad drivers "He's got brains in his arse".
 
I'm wearing £5 boxers, with £2.50's worth up my arse.
 
A couple that my nan used, she was a true cockney

About as much use as a chocolate tea pot

Like a fart in a collender, don't now what hole to come out of.

And one of my all time favorites

As the shepard said, lets get the flock out of here.
 
as much use as stairs in a bungalow....
 
you know what the bit at the end of your penis is for? to stop your hand sliding off...
 
The second mouse gets the cheese. Best used after someone says - the early bird gets the worm. Also, 'The kippers tits', which is along the same line as the bees knees etc.
 
That went down like a french kiss at a family reunion.
 
A variation on
...a face like a bulldog's ar*e chewing a wasp...
Click to expand...
... a face like a bulldog licking p*** off a nettle.

If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.

Dip me in chocolate and throw me to the lesbians.
 
A few of Glasgow classics....

face like a well skelped erse

ah'm so hungry ah could eat scabby-heided wean

Do you think ah came up the Clyde in a wheelbarra?

(it's) Mair fun at a Glesga wake than an Embra wedding
 
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On thirst.
"I've got a mouth like the bottom of a pig breeders welly"
On cocky young men
" Pull, You couldn't pull in a brothel with a 20 sticking out your a**e"
Same
"Hard, You couldn't put a fag out"
 
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
 
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