Lets take it from the top shall we? All comments are IMHO.
"Thank you" not "Thankyou".
Badly structured. "On these pages you will see samples of our work. Purchases can be made through the website."
I think you are trying to say "If you are visiting us to view images of your recent event, please enter your password in the box provided and place your order." even on my 22" monitor the front page needs scrolling to reveal the password box...
Dashes or commas, not a mixture of the two.
Should be links to the pages from the words portfolio and events. The section after the dash is superfluous - put that on the schools photography page - no wait, you don't have one!
This should also be on the non existent schools photography page. It should also be in better English. something like "School photography is typically traditionally posed; we have found that a contemporary approach can be as successful"
Why start the sentence with Or? childs should be child's. You could also rewrite the language somewhat but I can't be bothered.
This again should be on the non-existent school photography pages, not the front page.
What a nightmare - I really shouldn't go on because by this stage I won't be hiring you - regardless of the quality of your pictures.
Shall we continue with the rest of your shop front?
This should be at the end of the page, not in the middle.
Should be the other way round.
Actually meaningless. No competitor else is going to supply exactly the same product as you, so you can always wriggle out of a price match. Why bother with this on the front page anyway?
You just said this in the first bit of the bullet point. Don't repeat yourself, it makes you sound a bit condescending.
Spicer Hallfield are one company are they not? so why not say "one of our suppliers, Spicer Hallfiled, are...." yet again, why is this on the store front? surely it is background and not something that a customer will need to know on first contact.
I really really think that you should take a long hard look at what you are trying to say and where you are trying to say it.
The front page of any website should be snappy, clear, easy to read and get the message across. You need people to see you can take pictures, cover schools and events. That is all. Waffle has no place on the front page.
All your mangled prose conveys to me is that you aren't professional enough to get someone who knows about language to author/edit your site content and probably the site design needs a good look at as well.
Sorry for the criticism, but although you are a reasonable photographer, on the basis of your website I would not hire you. A lucky escape for us both I think!
Oh and don't what ever you do, use comic sans as a fount!
Ben