Work life balance

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Ferj

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For the last 8 years I've been working shifts ie 2 earlies (07.00-16.00), 2 lates (15.00-01.00), 2 nights (21.00-07.00) then a 4 days off (technically 3.5 by the time you wake from last night shift.

Things got to a point where I just couldn't cope with shifts, travel, family life (and St one point trying to launch a photography business!) etc I took a month off then decided I couldn't go back.

I'm now in a 8-4 Monday to Friday, earning less pay, but never felt so awake, and my health (physical & mental is noticeably improving). It took me so long to admit I was struggling, I wish I'd done it years ago!

Just curious does anyone else struggle with work life balance or been through a similar thing?
 
For the last 28 years I worked 12 hour shifts. 2 days 2 nights 4 days off for ten years then 14 12 hour days 3 weeks off followed by 14 12 hour nights 3 weeks off repeat for 18 years. Last 18 years offshore so travelling from South Wales to Scotland. Last year I'd pretty much come to the end of my rope so took early retirement.

Much less money but I've recovered my sanity and my life.
 
Mrs Nod did for a while - worked full time in a couple of jobs and also taught Yoga and another exercise type class in her "spare" time. After my illness 5 years ago she realised that she was earning more from her Yoga classes and her Yoga studio than she was from the "full time" job so went completely self sufficient. Spends more time on the Yoga and studio than she used to but still less than a 9-5 demands so we now have much more time together as well as the time being better quality.
 
For years I worked Monday to Friday 9-5 in a high pressure job. Although in reality it was more like 8-5 Monday to Friday with no lunch break plus logging on for 3 or 4 more hours every evening and being on-call at weekends.
There were even times when I was having to call in when I was on holiday. Just a completely relentless cycle of work with no break and no life in between.
It came to a head when my dad had a stroke. We were already doing a lot of caring for my father-in-law and with hospital visits and running around for my parents too I was at the point of complete exhaustion.

For the sake of my sanity, I was lucky enough to be able to take a sideways move at work to something less intense and drop down to part-time hours.

I've had to make up the shortfall with the photography business, but I can work those hours to fit around other commitments and I'm still not working anything like the hours that I was.
I have time for family, I have every Sunday free to spend with Mr SL and now that my dad's getting more independence I even have time just for me. I go for long walks with the dog and @Nod Mrs Nod will be pleased to know that I've started going to a yoga class a few times a week.
I'm eating better because I have time to cook proper meals from scratch rather than just shoving something in the oven, I've lost weight, I'm not stressed and snappy, I haven't had a cold or illness for over a year and even my skin looks healthier

The only real downside is that although it was a sideways move I've lost out on career progression and promotion prospects . . . but you know what? There's more to life than climbing the career ladder. All the money in the world is no good to you if you don't have the time and health to enjoy it.
 
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My experience has been 25 years of 60 hour weeks average and holidays always interrupted. Last year started to take photography seriously and it's helping bring back a sensible balance. Recently joined a gym too and feeling better for that plus it helps with carrying the gear ;) Good thread this is a very important topic.
 
Back in my yoof I used to work some horrendous hours

I worked for Maidstone council from 9am to 5pm Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Whilst doing the day job I was also working 5 sometimes 6 nights a week from 7pm till 7am for TNT
 
Really interesting to hear people's experiences, thank you all for sharing. I was actually diagnosed with depression & anxiety back in December which was quite a shock to me (not to everyone else who knows me it would seem!). Now I'm working towards recovery (I wouldn't say fully recovered yet) and I'm getting up at 6.30 through choice to do "yoga with adrienne" on YouTube or hiit training with "the body coach" and it's such a positive way to start the day! It's made me realise how unhealthy & overweight I am but at least I'm making slight progress to being healthier!

I really struggle knowing I'm never going to be able to buy a house for my family to live in or to afford a nice holiday abroad, and that we'll rent forever as there's just no way to save a deposit. I have to remember money isn't everything and time is more valuable but find it very difficult in real life!
 
@Ferj sorry to hear the diagnosis, good to hear you're feeling a bit better and taking some good steps!

It's all supports the old saying "no-one ever lays on their deathbed and thinks I should have spent more time at work". Life is for living :)
 
Ferj said:
I really struggle knowing I'm never going to be able to buy a house for my family to live in or to afford a nice holiday abroad, and that we'll rent forever as there's just no way to save a deposit. I have to remember money isn't everything and time is more valuable but find it very difficult in real life!
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Take a step back, in many European countries renting is the norm, you are certainly not alone in not being able to buy a house. Why do you feel you need a "nice holiday" abroad? We have had some brilliant holidays here in the UK. I think too many people get pushed into "keeping up with the Jones"

Don't get me wrong I am all for bettering oneself, but their needs to be a balane sometimes.
 
I work alternate weekly early shifts, 7:00 - 15:00 Mon-Thurs, 7:00 - 12:30 Friday and late shifts, 14:45 - 22:45 Mon-Thurs, 12:15 - 17:45 Friday. Weekends are optional overtime but on a rota sometimes you get what you want sometimes just some of it, you may get all day, 7:00 - 18:45, a morning 7:00 - 13:00 or an afternoon 12:45 - 18:45. Loads of spare time to spend with family and still earn money.
 
Fair points, I should have said a nice holiday in the UK or abroad! I do fully appreciate our family are better off than others, it just seems like life is a constant struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel! I don't really want to keep up with the Jones more I'd love to see the world and share it with my wife and kids before I die!
 
I think there are a lot of lonely 'rich' people that would swap places with you.
Regarding hours, I worked for 4 years from 09.00 to 23.00 5 days per week. Payment was on results and there was no basic, I hated the job but earned a small fortune. Since had other jobs with very long hours but because I enjoyed the work it wasn't a problem. Thing is if you want the money to buy a house, flash car, lovely holidays etc then you have to work towards it, its not easy or everyone would do it, and jobs that pay that kind of money do so for a reason. In my experience such jobs come with long hours, stress and interrupted holidays.
I think the happiest people I have ever met had very little wealth but did having loving families. The most miserable have had lots of money.
 
I know so many people that work/commute long hours, myself included. I've given up my photography club, one of my bands (only reason I'm in the another is because in that one we don't rehearse), hardly pick-up a guitar or a camera at the moment, never go fishing, and rarely write - i.e. all my passions are on-hold because of the lack of a work-life balance. I tend to get up at 5.15 to get on the road so I can be in the office by 7:30. Sometimes have lunch, sometimes don't. Leave the office anytime between 4:15 and 5:30. If I leave at 4.15 I'm home by 5;45, but if I leave at 5:30 it can be 7:30 by the time I'm home. Walk the dog. Eat some tea. Shower. Spend a half hour with SWMBO and try to get in bed by 9:00 so I can get my eight hours in. Repeat. I tell myself it's not forever...

The good things are that I get to listen to four excellent CDs a day on the commute (I tried the radio but the music isn't to my taste) and on a Saturday I still wake up at 5:15 so I can go on a longish bike ride and still be home in before anyone else is up. It also pays the mortgage and the pension. On occasions I get to work from home. So, there are compensations, but it's tiring and very stressful and I have lots of friends who I haven't seen in forever because of it.
 
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SarahLee said:
@Nod Mrs Nod will be pleased to know that I've started going to a yoga class a few times a week.
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Hope you're enjoying it and not overdoing it too much! Mrs Nod can wholeheartedly recommend the Liforme mats - she bough hers at full retail and was so impressed that she now keeps a selection of colours in stock. Expensive but worth it if you spend a lot of time on the mat - she's had hers for 3 years, 10 or more sessions per week so the cost per use is somewhere under 10p. Go on - you know YOU'RE worth it!!!
 
Good topic.

I'm currently working for a local charity 9-5 Mon - Thur and at least 1 day a week self employed (occasionally some evening work). I don't work weekends. I cycle to the charity each day which gives me a good regular amount of exercise without the added time of having to go to the gym all of which means I get to have breakfast and evening meals with the family everyday and have the weekend to do stuff with the kids (football, swimming, clubs, etc)

I am fortunate that I had the choice to work local at a job that is flexible and has a pleasant working environment which is close enough to be home at a good time for the family, it does come at the expense of a better salary than I could probably get elsewhere. However, one of our friends put on facebook that he had said goodnight to his son on a Sunday and wouldn't see him until the following weekend because of his working times (leaving for work before he is up and back after he is in bed) which for me was incredibly sad.

Ferj said:
I don't really want to keep up with the Jones more I'd love to see the world and share it with my wife and kids before I die!
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That is very well put, I totally agree. There are times I wish we had more money to be able to travel and have those experiences as a family but I keep telling myself that those times that we can spend together everyday as a family are more important than a weeks holiday somewhere in the world and then not seeing them or being able to spend quality time with them for months on end.
 
I changed jobs a few months back, I liked the the previous job but the shifts were horrendous, and left me almost no time to do anything out of work.
It was (all 9 hour shifts)
7 days on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off, 3 on, 1 off, 5 on, 1 off, 2 on, 2 off,
7 days on... in a four week cycle. Mixed in there were early shifts starting 7 a.m. mid shifts 9 a.m. and late shifts 1 p.m on an eight week cycle.

Now I work 4 on 4 off, 12 hour shifts with a one hour break, they pay me more and I love it.
 
Make the most of life, you never know how long you have.
My old ma went out shopping, crossing the road on her mobility scooter, hit by a car and that was game over.
Very weird and sad obviously, her house was like the Mary Celeste because she expected to be back in an hour or so

I retired a a month shy of 55, spend my time doing domestic stuff and travelling all over the country going to places I have wanted to visit.
Wife still works, mainly because she enjoys it and because its in education gets a fair amount of holiday time, planning days away now for the summer hols
 
Humans* aren't evolved to work rotating shifts. Circadian rhythms go all the way down to the cellular level, and they resist sudden change.
@Ferj , your shift patterns were effectively giving you jet lag every two days; 2x 07:00-16:00 (UK time), 2x 07:00-17:00 (Perth. AU time), 2x 07:00-17:00 (Hawaii time).
You have anxiety and depression; studies have also linked shift work with increased risk of: obesity, psychosis, heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and premature death (among other things).


*Actually all life, down to bacteria, suffer negative effects from changing their daily cycle.
 
Spooky.... I have been struggling with this question lately.... I do spend too many hrs working (starting 10th yr self employed) and have very little time for myself (kids all grown up so no problem there - wife and me home a lot and everything we do manage we do together) however i rarely have time off.. just the odd day here and there midweek.... i am sat at computer most nights like now with 400 pics to edit before sunday and 2 more jobs inbetween...

I have things i want to do / take up... but havent had time .. I am 61 in a few weeks.. maybe time to slow down :(
 
They say find a job you love and you never have to go to work but that so rarely happens as it is almost unavoidable that it becomes a chore. Work to live, that's my motto.

If I were ambitious I'd have gone chasing a career but as it happens I've stumbled into a corporate job I enjoy and pays me far better than I think is reasonable, gives me flexibility, fun travel and 'options', only contracted 35 hours a week too (I work more than that but a 45 hour week would be unthinkable unless I was travelling, which I enjoy anyway - always take my camera).

But still, it always comes second to what my wife and I want to do and the fun we have. Work to live.

I see some people who have worked there all their life and get to retirement and you can see them panic "what do I do now??!!", that won't be me.
 
Ferj said:
Fair points, I should have said a nice holiday in the UK or abroad! I do fully appreciate our family are better off than others, it just seems like life is a constant struggle with no light at the end of the tunnel! I don't really want to keep up with the Jones more I'd love to see the world and share it with my wife and kids before I die!
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It's all about balance (what's easy & enjoyable for one person, aint gonna suit someone else) & the main thing......quality of life.
Be happy in what you do with your family. Life is about experiences & giving your kids happy memories.

Similarly to most folk, I've grafted & done the 6 day week, worked shifts (inc 12 hr nights) been in jobs I hated ............ but they were just a means to an end.


Quite a few years ago the moneyboss had a serious health scare @ 44 yrs old & things looked bleak, but she came through it & we both had a different outlook on life.

Not long after I lost my Mum & a few months later we gave up our jobs, sold the car & went travelling in India for 5 months.


Ferj, your health is the most important thing, not just for yourself but your family!
Be content with what you have & give your kids happy memories to carry with them throughout their lives. You will not ultimately be measured or remembered by the chattels you leave behind when you're gone.

Good luck fella. :cool:
 
OldCarlos said:
Ferj, your health is the most important thing,
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You never know how true this is until your health is taken from you, then, THEN you realise how much you take it for granted and then pretty much everything falls by the wayside - Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

I lost 2016 to ill health and never want to experience that again. Ever. And mine was 'only' a mystery virus and post viral fatigue. I got better and consider myself lucky but frankly that was the worst year of my life.

It's easy to say from the other side, having been though it, and difficult to recognise from the "must go to work" attitude many have but if you've got to thinking "this isn't doing me any good" stage then it really really isn't.
 
I work in a pretty unexciting IT role, part of a small team responsible for a global estate of 12500 servers. It pays enough for the mortgage and a life outside for my wife and kids. I work 9-5 Mon-Fri with 2 days from home and am on call 1 week in 5. We moved offices 3 years ago and I'm now 1 mile from home so I sold my car as we only needed one. I now walk into work so am probably fitter than I used to be and the conditions within the company are good but I've been at the company 16 years and have got to the point that I don't actually enjoy being there at all.

If I knew what I wanted to do instead, I'd change career tomorrow but having a mortgage and two young kids to pay for means that my priority is my family.

In what spare time I get, I tend to build one off custom cameras and am currently putting together the last details for a Kickstarter campaign to launch a brand new acrylic large format field camera. Having the photography hobby really keeps my mind active, it wasn't for that I think I'd have walked from my job a long time ago!
 
My work is quite flexible, I now work from 0700-1500. It's enjoyable, I enjoy working there but I'm glad to finish, ina. Positive way. I still have quite a lot of time left after work (25 minute drive from home). It pays the mortgage and helps me enjoy life, so it's okay.
 
I owned my own wine shop for about 6 years before it went belly up. The first five years were very good but the hours - if I did less than 70 hours it was unusual.
But that was when the kids were young and I missed quite a bit. Luckily (!) two supermarkets opened up within a mile of me and the sales dropped by 90% - so I had to close, owing the bank a heck of a lot of money.

I changed direction with a plumbing course and then kitchen and bathroom fitting. I set my own hours and haven't looked back.

And... family life has improved dramatically. Not that it was bad before, but it doesn't revolve around my work, rather work revolves around family.
 
Nod said:
Hope you're enjoying it and not overdoing it too much! Mrs Nod can wholeheartedly recommend the Liforme mats - she bough hers at full retail and was so impressed that she now keeps a selection of colours in stock. Expensive but worth it if you spend a lot of time on the mat - she's had hers for 3 years, 10 or more sessions per week so the cost per use is somewhere under 10p. Go on - you know YOU'RE worth it!!!
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Ouch!
Just had a look and you weren't joking when you said they were expensive! LOL
 
£100 for the full size/thickness Liforme is certainly not cheap but a reasonable percentage of people who have tried one have bought one for themselves (indeed, a couple of people have bought 2 or 3 - one for each house and one for travel... Ladies who lunch have more money than sense! [OR indulgent husbands!!!]) Like cameras, there's not much profit in even a £100 mat and to get any sort of worthwhile discount she has to buy a dozen at a time. Then the buggers decide to release a new colour so she has to make another order! (Although she does have deposits paid for 2 of the new colour which brings the up-front cost down a little!)
 
I worked in the computer industry for many years. I worked long hours, banked the money (as I had no time to spend it) and had next to no life outside of that. For various reasons I began to wake up and smell the coffee and switched industries and spent the next 12 years much more relaxed until even that seemed to be too much (board room politics etc, and the seeming silliness of everyday life at work) and then at 49 I left full time employment.

Since then I've travelled, enjoyed life and met someone and spend a lot of time looking after someone.

Work / life balance is a difficult and personal thing and we all need money to live and of course without work some can lack focus and structure. Anyway, I've never been happier or more content and my only regret is that I wish I'd left the rat race sooner.

A few little snippets resonate with me and to paraphrase...

No one on their death bed says "I wish I'd spent more time at the office."

I used to live to work but now I work to live.

And from a little news story about someone who gave up a city job, met someone and moved to the SW (I think...) "I used to have a Merc but it was always empty, now I have a Metro but it's always full."
 
Have to say I have also had the same as the OP a bit.
I have just spent the last 5 years working like a dog with not a lot of time and home life.
I am self employed IT contractor and the roles have just kept coming and the money was amazing.
I said to my wife about 3 years ago that we need X amount of pounds to settle our mortages on 2x houses then I can lean back at 47 and start planning retirement at 57.

I finishes the silly stint last July and am now firmly into part 2, its brilliant.
 
I don't like regrets - I have a great wife and kids and had my career been different then who knows where I would be now - but I do realise that for the past 20 odd years I have purely been working to pay bills and often resent the work I do. Trouble is I am in sales where I can earn good money and it pays for nice things which are important to us as a family - 2 trips to Disney recently for example!

I would love to take a lesser job to give me a better balance but unfortunately cannot afford the hit in pay!
 
I decided at a very early stage in my life that my time with friends and doing what I enjoy is more important to me than money. I am blessed(some would say cursed) with a very laid back temperament and don't get stressed by much at all. I plan for the things I can't afford, and everything else I just see what happens.
I have recently started thinking about saving for a rainy day, something I have never really considered before. I have no intention of doing more work/hours and losing my time, I simply make suggestions for free or low cost activities to my friends instead.
 
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