What would you do?.......

nilagin

nilagin

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Inspired by the 'how do you forget...' thread by englandshottest2. I'd like to take this a step further and 20 years into the future.
Through life I dare say you always remember your first love, even when things don't work out. You seperate and both go your own way. You are now married to someone else you have kids and don't want to lose that or ruin it in any way. By chance you find your first loves business website with contact details. Would you contact them, no strings attached, purely to find out what life has dealt them in those 20 years. Or would you leave it be?
 
I think if that were me, in that same situation, the best thing to do would be to discuss it with the one that matters most. Your other half. Is there any point in risking what you have no for something "silly"? Even though intentions are pure? My advice would be to voice the situation with your other half and discuss openly when you are thinking of doing. That way, no doubts float around, and no trust is lost if, say, your other half found out who you were talking to and perhaps didn't understand?

Just my opinion. :)
 
I had thought of that, but that could cause problems as well in so much as why would I be wanting to do this. Women's minds work in strange ways. I'd have no problem if my wife wanted to contact an old love, I don't feel insecure, but my wife has insecurities from before we met, even her sister has those same insecurities, even when it's plain to see there is no reason for it.
I suppose I'm just curious to know the same as it would be if you discovered an old school friend.
 
Difficult one really
To be honest personally I would leave it be.
What is in the past is the past, live for today :thumbs:
 
The past no longer exists, you can't go back to it. If it did and you could, 20 years covers over a whole lot of the bad stuff.
 
If you ended on good terms, whats the problem? :)

I bumped into my first love not long ago, (hadnt seen him in about 8 years) with the new fella in tow. It was like nothing happened, we were chatting like old friends, and we were both with our new partners.

After we left, I said to Darren, "It was lovely seeing him, its just like we were old friends, no hard feelings, and I am chuffed to bits he's found someone"

Guess its all about the breakup eh? :)
 
Thing is though, if you are completely honest, what reason does she have to be insecure? If she says she's not happy with the idea, respect that and leave it alone. Personally, I think if you tell the truth and be honest, and discuss it like adults, then there should be no issue. Just remember to take onboard her reply.
 
nilagin said:
I had thought of that, but that could cause problems as well in so much as why would I be wanting to do this.
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Which, in my opinion is why you should let it be. If you know that she will not be happy about it with you asking her, imagine what she's going to think if you don't ask her, contact the person and then she finds out.

nilagin said:
Women's minds work in strange ways. I'd have no problem if my wife wanted to contact an old love, I don't feel insecure, but my wife has insecurities from before we met, even her sister has those same insecurities, even when it's plain to see there is no reason for it.
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There's always a reason for this "behaviour". The fact that both sisters are the same indicates there may have been something in their past which has caused it - parents splitting up, other close friends parents or other family members going through something similar can cause issues like this. Even the loss of a pet can have an effect on people later in life without them knowing it.

nilagin said:
I suppose I'm just curious to know the same as it would be if you discovered an old school friend.
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As we all are, really. Hence, the massive uptake on social networking sites like Facebook, MySpace and Friends Reunited.

Personally - I would leave it be. Maybe mention it to your partner that you have found the site, but don't specifically say you want to contact them. If she's ok with it, she'll suggest it - if she's not, she wont.
 
if it were me, i would contact them again if you left on goodish terms....as after all you must have been very close friends as well as lovers, so seems just like something a friend would do.
 
OK, my first love from 21 years ago got in touch with me a few weeks ago. For several years after we split we stayed in touch, even getting married within 6 weeks of each other and having our respective kids at the same time, literally within a month or two. Eventually we did lose touch, but he saw me on friends reunited and emailed me. Since then we have exchanged several emails, with the absolute knowledge and blessing of our respective other halves - he is still married to the same girl, whom I always got on with, whilst I have since divorced and moved several hundred miles away, but still there are some parallels in our lives - we are both now partners in businesses, and have both taken up seriously hobbies we thought about when were in our late teens - acting for him, photography for me.

So, for me it has worked and I dont see a problem with it if your own relationship is secure and trusting...and if it isn't....nuff said. It has been good catching up and getting a bit nostalgic :thumbs:
 
If your Mrs has insecurities and you go off and do something like this behind her back, it's just gonna fuel those insecurities if and when she discovers, even though it may all be perfectly innocent. I'd say either discuss it with her before you do it or don't do it at all

My first love from 20 years ago is one of my facebook friends :lol: We parted on bad terms and I'm quite happy to let it all stay in the past... it's all water under the bridge now.
My other ex (who I was with for 11 years) remains a good friend. We email each other regularly. He even got us discount on some furniture for our house :) and he's just become a dad.
 
I think you need to be honest with yourself as to why you'd be doing it....if I'm honest, I think that no good can come of contacting her in the great scheme of things. In a similar vein to my comment on the other thread, look around you, and look after what you have now. That's where you're at.
 
what strikes me is the opening line. The fact that you're linking this to a thread on getting over someone (or not) makes me query the motivation.
That makes me say leave it and work on the relationship you have.

(with all due apologies if I'm misinterpreting)
 
yea but sometimes people never 'get over' a love, and would seem rather silly to just deny those feelings if they are still very strong, regardless of situation. most caring partners would understand and encourage a 're-meet' as the feeling of making someone happy in that means would be the greatest thing in-return (for me anyway if I was the other half), not saying they'd say go run off and have a fling, but just to re-unite.... because it DID happen, it WAS and maybe still IS a part of them.
 
I think I'll just leave it. I know she's not on Friends Reunited, where as I am, perhaps one day she'll register on their, and may contact me, I think I'd much rather discuss it with my wife then, rather than it being me wanting to make the first contact.
I'm just curious to know what she has been up to the last 20 years. We split on good terms, after 7 years the love just faded for no particular reason, we even met up a couple of times before I met and started dating my wife a year later. I'd only want to swap emails anyway, no more than that. But as said, I think I'll leave it.
Thanks for all your input.
 
Talking of "friends reunited" I once read that it has caused many a marriage breakup by reuniting partners with former lovers.
 
well we only live once (you know what i mean!), so shouldn't we all just try to be as happy as possible?
 
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