What is the funniest phrase you have heard?

Matt Sayle

Matt Sayle

2017MSA Young Photographer of the Year(Motorsport)
Suspended / Banned
Messages
18,976
Name
Matt Sayle
Edit My Images
Yes
For me it is either:

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop.

OR

If anyone throws the anchor in poo bay, it is him.

Must admit, when I first heard the second one I was in stitches.
 
well, theres a few.

my nan always says: "A whistling woman and a crowing hen are no good to cock nor men"
and: "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, and if wit was s**t you would be consipated"


and a really bad one "As dry as a nun" (hangs head in shame)
 
The lights are on but no-ones at home

He has plenty of brain cells- its getting them to all funtion at the same time he has trouble with

about as much use as a fart in a thunderstorm

A sandwich short of a picnic

I'll leave it there I don't want to "feed" young Matt too much :thumbs: :lol:
 
On the back of Vauxhall car brochures.....

"If you would like a copy of this brochure in Braille" :thinking:
 
When somebody tries to dis you with a quick one-liner, my favourite response is "That's like a joke, but not quite so funny" - it seems to work 9 times out of 10.

The word "F***wit" always makes me smile....

Steve
 
"I've got a mouth like the bottom of a baby's pram" is one I hear a lot, the morning after a heavy session.
 
"I will listen and I will learn. I will strive to meet people's aspirations" - Gordon Brown June 2007

My aspiration was always to be totally skint and financing a war on the other side of the world :thumbs:


My name's Ben Elton....Goodnight :lol:
 
One of my faves at the mo is used after explaining something and instead of say saying 'that about sums it up' i say 'that's the s*1ts and giggles of it'.

Makes me chuckle, and it's surprising how many others try to fit it in to a sentence.

S
 
Last edited:
"hey there you are"
do i know you?
"no, but thats where you are, your there."

och aye jock ma kye ? (dont know how to spell it but some scots may pick it up)

"she had a vagina like a wizards sleeve"

:)
 
Last edited:
`Thick as a dockers piece ` (piece scottish for sandwich :) )
 
"He didn't know whether to shave s*1T or shampoo"
( got flustered)
 
Winston Churchill was once confronted by a woman.

Woman: "Sir, you're drunk!"
Churchill: "Madam, you're ugly. And I shall be sober in the morning."
 
You've entertained me for minutes
:'(
 
There are only three totally useless things in life...

1 - A mans nipple
2 - A one legged man in an ar$e kicking contest
3 - YOU!!!

;)
 
Just Julie always says "Turn the big light on"

all the light bulbs are the same size :shrug:its like we have some sort of Flood lighting or something :thinking:
 
Nuttier than a squirrels ****!!!!!!!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
my best mate has been known to say "that really tilts my rabbit" when he likes something... :shrug:

and my favourite for the visually offencessive... "face like a bulldog licking p**s off a thistle" :D
 
Last edited:
"give us a second il just be a minute", somebody said it to me once and it left me pondering.

like a fish out of water (always thought that meant he/she was dead)
 
Andy Capp "Tch" .....................very simple but effective.

or one from my avatar............ "I would'nt want to belong a club which would have me as a member"
 
Last edited:
I think Charlie Cox, BBC motorsport commentator, comes out with some classics. Things like "He's chucked it at the scenery" when a car goes off.
 
there is no me in team, but there is a u in **** .....very very very bad swear word begins with c....

they'd be out of their depth in a puddle.

You must be an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

bobfoc.. body off baywatch, face off crimewatch
 
At the bar:-

He's got an impediment in his reach!
 
To explain that something is useless..About as much use as tits on a fish

When things have nearly gone very badly..One wave short of a shipwreck

And one used by my good self when chatting to my boss one day:lol:

Me..With an intellect like yours you should be a member of Mencap

Him..Don't you mean Mensa?

Me..I know what I mean!
 
if you break your leg don't come running to me


about as welcome as a fart in a space suit
 
Im so unlucky, i could fall into a barrel of t*ts and come out sucking my thumb.

Dean:)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top