What is the funniest phrase you have heard?

[andy_fozzy]

Someone once told me I was "about as much use as a pair of tits on a fish".

 

[Blue Eagle]

"It's like **** hit by lightning in here" (it's messy)

 

[David Thompson]

As daft as a brush shaft

My Gran used to say " I know what ye call him but I forget his name" that cracks me up

About as much brains as a bucket of Tuna

From Snatch " Who stole the jam from your doughnut"

From Trainspotting about those "special" tablets "For all the good they'll do me I might as well stick them up me Arse" Renton

 

[David Thompson]

sweating like michael jackson in a primary school

 

[arclight]

.yabe morf draobyek rehtona yub reven ll'I

 

[photon]

ɐılɐɹʇsnɐ ɯoɹɟ pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɹǝɥʇouɐ ʎnq ɹǝʌǝu ll,ı puɐ˙˙˙

 

[ChrisMClark]

You're so ugly you could make blind kids cry

You're so ugly you could actually make an onion cry

Your face looks like someone set fire to a welly boot and put it out with a spade

I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I'm not sir, and that sir, is an idiot.

 

[inaneredstripe]

"jesus loves you. everyone else thinks your a t***"

 

[inaneredstripe]

"camp as a row of tents"
"face like a bag of spanners"

 

[whitewash]

"jesus loves you. everyone else thinks your a t***"

i used to have that written on the back of my mini, was hilarious looking at the reactions when were put next to the 'christian mini club' at a show....

 

[whitewash]

'face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle'

 

[mountains]

if brains were pearls you wouldnt have enough to make a bangle

 

[inaneredstripe]

if brains were dynamite, you wouldnt have enough to loosen your fillings.

 

[Arkady]

If God didn't want us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat...

(She has) A face like a Bulldog chewing Lemon-Flavoured Wasps...

(He/She's got) about as much Brains as God gave to little Yellow Wax Crayons...

(He/She has) all the smarts of a brain-damaged earthworm...

 

[Myky D]

Sweating like a P**** in a nursery

A face like a kicked fridge door

About as useful as Anne Frank's drum kit

 

[Joe T]

If God didn't want us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat...

A Flanders & Swan classic!

 

[Ric Type R]

About as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. Shes got an arse like two ferrets fighting in a sack.

 

[Flash In The Pan]

Fell out of the ugly tree and hit all the branches on the way down

 

[ChrisMClark]

One that did make me chuckle was posted somewhere on this forum I believe, referring to vegitarians.

'Salad isn't food. It's what food eats.'

 

[2Thumbs]

"Like a pencil in a cave"

"If her arse was a bungalow, she wouldn't afford the mortgage on it"

"You'd make an excellent door frame but a lousy window frame"

 

[inaneredstripe]

she has all the charm of a fart in a lift.

 

[Rob_W]

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!


Like opening the window and sh*gging the night


She's that ugly not even a sniper would take her out


A face like she's been ram raiding on scooters

 

[arclight]

He is so mean he could peel an orange in his pocket with a boxing glove on.

He is so low he could wear a top hat and limbo dance under a snake.

 

[Grendel]

(The genius that is) Stephen Fry, describing the diversity of language, used this example to show how you can put every day words together to create a sentence that has never, ever been said before...

"Hold the newsreader's nose squarely waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers"