yoby
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Didn't get out of work till late and was really looking forward to settling down in front of the telly with a takeaway and a cold beer to watch the football.
Jumped in the car, drove to the chippy got dinner, jumped back in car, and it wouldn't start.
This, I am convinced, is because I decided on Sunday to sell it. Having provided a few moments amusement for the twelve or so hooded chavlets that tend to lurk around the shops all evening, the brave one of the group decided that he'd reciprocate and provide me with some fun, and swaggered over to offer some assistance by way of giving me a push.....
For some reason the thought of twelve skinny hoodies trying to bump start two and a half tons of automatic Landrover made me laugh. Chief chavlet must have mistaken my mirth for aggression and became quite agitated until I got out of the car (still smiling) whereupon he was enveloped by the rest of the group as they sauntered off to a safe abuse hurling distance whereupon I lost interest due to the somewhat more pressing nature of my dinner getting cold and kickoff looming.
Having demolished the battery, a feat that isn't difficult with the Disco, I gave up and rang Mrs Dave, who dutifully bundled the kids into the other car and came and got me. Whilst eating I called the AA, was told that they wouldn't be able to get there till 9, so I happily settled into the first half, intending to Sky+ the second for viewing later. 'MBorough scored. Not happy.
As I was recovering my composure, I had a txt message from the AA saying that they'd be there in 15 minutes, so we bundled the kids back into the the other car, and drove me back to the dead one. Unsurpisingly, it was still there. Surprisingly the hoodies hadn't "tagged" it. Fortunately the radio was still working.... 'Mborough scored again. Not Happy.
As I was recovering my composure from the second goal, I was jolted to reality by a knock on the window. Slightly worried that the AA man was a Lady, and had no van, I opened the window, to be advised by the Lady (who wasn't the AA man after all) that she was about to leave a note on the car to let me know that someone had kindly reversed their very large white van into the Landrover while it was unattended. "I've got the bits that came off in the shop" she said. Really Not Happy at all.
I recovered the bits of Light Guard, Bumper and Lights from the aforementioned lady, who had (it transpired) rang the police about the van and it's failure to stop and returned to the now really annoying car expecting to hear that West Ham were now 3 goals down - Fortunately this wasn't the case.
On a positive note, the AA bloke was rather good. He couldn't get it started either, but at least he was cheerful, to the point of glee when it turned out that his specialist subject was the "falling prices of used Landrovers, especially when they've got bits of bumper missing and don't start". After many attempts, the last dose of easy start did the trick, and after dissolving all of the piston crowns in all five cylinders, managed to coax the engine back to life. "Wierd" the AA man noted "I've never heard a TD5 run this smoothly" - At this point I was rather hoping that it would explode in an all consuming fireball, if only to save me the hassle of reducing the price in all the adverts. Between the two of us, we have absolutely no idea why it never started without help. Personally though I'm fairly sure it'll be something really expensive.
Having disengaged from my new best friend, and driven home without incident, I thought it prudent to ring the local constabulary to see what they were doing about my "failure to stop" incident. "Oh, we're glad you rang" said the police community trafic parking warden telephonist. "The attending officers have logged the incident, but they didn't have any details about your car, so we couldn't contact you" (I should point out that there is an A4 For Sale sign in the back window of the car which has - In a slightly smaller font than the Big word "TEL:-" my mobile number on it) - Really not happy, considering taking up a new career as a bank robber, given the investigative prowess of our local rozzers.
Because all of the police stations within 100 miles of my house are shut for the evening, I will now be late for work tomorrow, as I have to visit the local nick to fill out a form for them as well as presenting my Driving license, Insurance, and V5 (why, I know not - It was parked, not working and I wasn't even there).
Perhaps once they have all this information, they'll be able to kick start an investigation project, form a steering comittee to digest the reports, and refer me to victim support.
What a great evening, did I mention that I'm not happy?
If you've read this far - Congratulations.
Jumped in the car, drove to the chippy got dinner, jumped back in car, and it wouldn't start.
This, I am convinced, is because I decided on Sunday to sell it. Having provided a few moments amusement for the twelve or so hooded chavlets that tend to lurk around the shops all evening, the brave one of the group decided that he'd reciprocate and provide me with some fun, and swaggered over to offer some assistance by way of giving me a push.....
For some reason the thought of twelve skinny hoodies trying to bump start two and a half tons of automatic Landrover made me laugh. Chief chavlet must have mistaken my mirth for aggression and became quite agitated until I got out of the car (still smiling) whereupon he was enveloped by the rest of the group as they sauntered off to a safe abuse hurling distance whereupon I lost interest due to the somewhat more pressing nature of my dinner getting cold and kickoff looming.
Having demolished the battery, a feat that isn't difficult with the Disco, I gave up and rang Mrs Dave, who dutifully bundled the kids into the other car and came and got me. Whilst eating I called the AA, was told that they wouldn't be able to get there till 9, so I happily settled into the first half, intending to Sky+ the second for viewing later. 'MBorough scored. Not happy.
As I was recovering my composure, I had a txt message from the AA saying that they'd be there in 15 minutes, so we bundled the kids back into the the other car, and drove me back to the dead one. Unsurpisingly, it was still there. Surprisingly the hoodies hadn't "tagged" it. Fortunately the radio was still working.... 'Mborough scored again. Not Happy.
As I was recovering my composure from the second goal, I was jolted to reality by a knock on the window. Slightly worried that the AA man was a Lady, and had no van, I opened the window, to be advised by the Lady (who wasn't the AA man after all) that she was about to leave a note on the car to let me know that someone had kindly reversed their very large white van into the Landrover while it was unattended. "I've got the bits that came off in the shop" she said. Really Not Happy at all.
I recovered the bits of Light Guard, Bumper and Lights from the aforementioned lady, who had (it transpired) rang the police about the van and it's failure to stop and returned to the now really annoying car expecting to hear that West Ham were now 3 goals down - Fortunately this wasn't the case.
On a positive note, the AA bloke was rather good. He couldn't get it started either, but at least he was cheerful, to the point of glee when it turned out that his specialist subject was the "falling prices of used Landrovers, especially when they've got bits of bumper missing and don't start". After many attempts, the last dose of easy start did the trick, and after dissolving all of the piston crowns in all five cylinders, managed to coax the engine back to life. "Wierd" the AA man noted "I've never heard a TD5 run this smoothly" - At this point I was rather hoping that it would explode in an all consuming fireball, if only to save me the hassle of reducing the price in all the adverts. Between the two of us, we have absolutely no idea why it never started without help. Personally though I'm fairly sure it'll be something really expensive.
Having disengaged from my new best friend, and driven home without incident, I thought it prudent to ring the local constabulary to see what they were doing about my "failure to stop" incident. "Oh, we're glad you rang" said the police community trafic parking warden telephonist. "The attending officers have logged the incident, but they didn't have any details about your car, so we couldn't contact you" (I should point out that there is an A4 For Sale sign in the back window of the car which has - In a slightly smaller font than the Big word "TEL:-" my mobile number on it) - Really not happy, considering taking up a new career as a bank robber, given the investigative prowess of our local rozzers.
Because all of the police stations within 100 miles of my house are shut for the evening, I will now be late for work tomorrow, as I have to visit the local nick to fill out a form for them as well as presenting my Driving license, Insurance, and V5 (why, I know not - It was parked, not working and I wasn't even there).
Perhaps once they have all this information, they'll be able to kick start an investigation project, form a steering comittee to digest the reports, and refer me to victim support.
What a great evening, did I mention that I'm not happy?
If you've read this far - Congratulations.
Last edited:
. Sounds like you handled it well and you've got a GSH 
