The great TP tips thread

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Not sure if there is a thread like this already but here goes.....post your USEFUL...(note the emphasis on useful) tips here....

Here's one....

Deodorize sponges in the microwave. Soak in water spiked with white vinegar or lemon juice and put on full power for one minute. Use tongs to remove as it will be hot!
 
If, like me, you get the occasional arthritic twinge - actually not so occasional these days - fill a thick woolen sock with rice, heat it in the microwave for a couple of minutes and place on the offending joint.

You might want to place a towel between the sock and yourself if it's too hot.

It really helps.
 
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If you use lemon in cooking, just put a whole fresh one in your freezer & you can then take it out, grate off what you need & put it back until you next need it.
 
OldCarlos said:
If you use lemon in cooking, just put a whole fresh one in your freezer & you can then take it out, grate off what you need & put it back until you next need it.
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If zest is what you're after.
Not if you need juice. ;)
 
viv1969 said:
If zest is what you're after.
Not if you need juice. ;)
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Not just the zest though. If it's frozen you can grate it all.

Err, if you wanted lemon juice you'd have a little bottle of the stuff in your fridge already. (or maybe frozen lemon ice-cubes) ;)
 
OldCarlos said:
Not just the zest though. If it's frozen you can grate it all.

Err, if you wanted lemon juice you'd have a little bottle of the stuff in your fridge already. (or maybe frozen lemon ice-cubes) ;)
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Up to you if you like vomit pre squeezed juice. ;)
 
Measure once, cut twice. Ah - might be measure twice, cut once???

Slightly more useful, if you car won't go into reverse, pop it into first and move the car a few inches, then try reverse again. Usually works.

And don't eat yellow snow :)
 
Never try to drink from a 1.5 ltr water bottle when laying in bed as a very moist outcome is the result for both you and the bed.

Never, I repeat Never use an old wine carafe as a pee jug when you use a similar one for water... just don't ask !!

Never listen to your mother when she constantly nags you that you really can walk if you put your mind to it, when you've been bed bound for year's.. I went down like a sack of spuds.

Never eat Thorntons diabetic chocolates, the small warning "may have a slight laxative effect" should read "will turn your chocolate wiz way into Krakatoa's angry brother & wring you dry" !!
 
Wrap up warm when it's cold (y)

When your portable electronic device gets wet, don't switch it on to see if it still works. Put it in a sandwich bag filled with rice and leave it to dry out.
 
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Delia's soft boiled eggs method works much better than just boiling for 3.5mins.

Drop into boiling water for 1min then turn off heat and leave with a lid on for 6 mins.
 
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dejongj said:
When your portable electronic device gets wet, don't switch it on to see if it still works. Put it in a sandwich bag filled with rice and leave it to dry out.
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If you put too much water in your rice, throw in a handful of iPhones to absorb the moisture.
 
another good tip ,never ever ever again let your wife apply deep heat rub to your back before she plays with your three piece suite .the mere memory still brings tears to my eyes :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:
 
Never pee into the wind.

Never use leaves you have not already checked to wipe your bottom in the woods.

Never expect any other drivers at a mini roundabout to know what to do.
 
and another don't buy one of them new fangled automatic cars ,the one i had worked fine in D daytime mode ,but it wouldn't move anywhere in the N nightime mode .i did like the toilet P mode though as it didn't move while you had one :agree:
 
the black fox said:
another good tip ,never ever ever again let your wife apply deep heat rub to your back before she plays with your three piece suite .the mere memory still brings tears to my eyes :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:
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Did it damage the leather?
 
the black fox said:
another good tip ,never ever ever again let your wife apply deep heat rub to your back before she plays with your three piece suite .the mere memory still brings tears to my eyes :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:
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Oh...ouch!! :eek::LOL:
 
the black fox said:
another good tip ,never ever ever again let your wife apply deep heat rub to your back before she plays with your three piece suite .the mere memory still brings tears to my eyes :thinking: :thinking: :thinking:
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Forgive me but is that a euphemism? :eek: that would hurt.
 
no dejongi its actual factual and i can assure you f*****g painful ,especially as the deep heat takes time to work so while your enjoying 5 minutes of pre-emptive pleasure ,you then spend the next 15 minutes with one leg on the floor the other on the window ledge while slowly splashing cold water over your goolies and wedding tackle which are hanging in the bathroom sink any remnants of stiffness disappearing faster than usain bolt .:jawdrop::jawdrop::jawdrop:
 
the black fox said:
no dejongi its actual factual and i can assure you f*****g painful ,especially as the deep heat takes time to work so while your enjoying 5 minutes of pre-emptive pleasure ,you then spend the next 15 minutes with one leg on the floor the other on the window ledge while slowly splashing cold water over your goolies and wedding tackle which are hanging in the bathroom sink any remnants of stiffness disappearing faster than usain bolt .:jawdrop::jawdrop::jawdrop:
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The description made me giggle. Can't wait to see the photos :LOL:
 
BruceMo said:
The description made me giggle. Can't wait to see the photos [emoji38]
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Made me giggle too, although I'm glad I'm not about to meet him as those images would be flashing in my mind! Lol
 
the black fox said:
no dejongi its actual factual and i can assure you f*****g painful ,especially as the deep heat takes time to work so while your enjoying 5 minutes of pre-emptive pleasure ,you then spend the next 15 minutes with one leg on the floor the other on the window ledge while slowly splashing cold water over your goolies and wedding tackle which are hanging in the bathroom sink any remnants of stiffness disappearing faster than usain bolt .:jawdrop::jawdrop::jawdrop:
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Ouch and thanks for the description. But surely describing it as your three piece suite is a euphemism then? I thought she stained your suit with the fingermarks.

Just stay away from her when she is chopping the bird eyes chillis :)
 
At least the muscle ache will go :)
 
Cg_Girl said:
Ewwwww mushroom Tea? Now whose drunk [emoji14]
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That was in my younger daft days. It was horrible but we heard it was great from the older hippy types. Quickly moved on to chicken soup as the chosen method of ingesting some of natures finest haha
are we taking this thread off topic at all? :LOL:
 
BruceMo said:
That was in my younger daft days. It was horrible but we heard it was great from the older hippy types. Quickly moved on to chicken soup as the chosen method of ingesting some of natures finest haha
are we taking this thread off topic at all? [emoji38]
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Chicken soup is far more logical lpl!

And yes we are.. Best run before we get shouted at or given lines :D
 
Cg_Girl said:
Chicken soup is far more logical lpl!

And yes we are.. Best run before we get shouted at or given lines :D
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Unless you consider the suggestion for taking magic mushrooms using chicken soup a top tip. In that case I'm fine, you've got to type " I must stop derailing threads" a hundred times :)
 
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