That moment when there is no toilet paper

I forecast doom :eek: ......in a hammer shaped form :bonk:....the only issue with that is the splatter :eek: :gag: :puke:, as based on the number of threads started on the subject I :suspect: Joe may just be full of sh............. :police: :rules: no best not finish that one :naughty:
 
You guys! You don't want to ban me like that!!!

You want to do it like this!
 
cowasaki said:
Joe banned for an hour.
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Is that for some toilet time :D

Specifically, 10 minutes to warm his car, then we have another 10 minutes to load the kids into the car, got to shop and buy a bulk load of toilet roll, another 10 minutes to get the kids in the car, drive home and restock the toilet? that should take an hour right?
 
MWHCVT said:
Specifically, 10 minutes to warm his car, then we have another 10 minutes to load the kids into the car, got to shop and buy a bulk load of toilet roll, another 10 minutes to get the kids in the car, drive home and restock the toilet? that should take an hour right?
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:lol: :clap:

Don't forget coats-on-and-off time.

(Edit: Blimey, he's actually suspended? Love the avatar, Joe's in chokey!)
 
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MWHCVT said:
Is that for some toilet time :D

Specifically, 10 minutes to warm his car, then we have another 10 minutes to load the kids into the car, got to shop and buy a bulk load of toilet roll, another 10 minutes to get the kids in the car, drive home and restock the toilet? that should take an hour right?
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
 
MWHCVT said:
:lol: :lol: :lol: and it looks like the parole has been granted, I guess the poo talk begins again in a thread near you :suspect:
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:lol: His wife forgot to mention she has to get up early to wipe Joe`s arse :lol::lol:
 
I was working nights years ago at the PO sorting office. There was a lad stood next to me working, his name was Jimmy. Now Jimmy and his older brother were rather on the large size. For about an hour or more Jimmy had been stood there sorting, and for all of that time had been making these gyrating movements with his hips and pulling some rather strange faces. Curiosity got the better of me and I asked him " Are you alright Jim " He replied not really Rich " I have been constipated for about four days now " You have been what? Came my reply. he said I been constipated, don`t know what is causing it but it ain`t effecting my appetite :eek: I said you ought to go see a Doctor, that`s ok he said I drank two bottles of syrup of Figs before I came in tonight :gag: I kid you not, the moment he said that he turned on his heels and made for the double swing doors in the direction of the toilets like sheeite off a shovel :lol::lol:
 
That was a tough stint in chokey. The message said I was banned for like 2 days! I thought I'd properly been banned :lol:

That was well done!

I'll wear those bars like a badge!
 
Good to see you back on the streets Joe. Hope that wasn't too tough. Guess you just had to keep your head down and do your time. :cool:
 
It wouldn't be any fun if we told him what they are though :D
 
A mate tells the story of when a lunchtime drink got a bit out of hand, and he ended up the worse for wear. He had to get to Victoria Railway Stn for his train home. On the way, staggering along Victoria St he lost control of his bowels and soiled his underpants and trousers. Smelling like a vagrant he nipped into a clothes shop, wondering why the staff and customers were giving him a wide berth, picked up a pair of denim jeans and walked out with his purchase. He managed to get on his train just as it was leaving the platform, and locked himself into the toilet. He threw his rotten underpants and trousers out of the train window and managed to clean himself up a bit. Unfortunately, on opening his bag, and trying to work out what he trying to put on, he realised that in his haste he had bought a Denim Jacket.
 
Bluehawk said:
A mate tells the story of when a lunchtime drink got a bit out of hand, and he ended up the worse for wear. He had to get to Victoria Railway Stn for his train home. On the way, staggering along Victoria St he lost control of his bowels and soiled his underpants and trousers. Smelling like a vagrant he nipped into a clothes shop, wondering why the staff and customers were giving him a wide berth, picked up a pair of denim jeans and walked out with his purchase. He managed to get on his train just as it was leaving the platform, and locked himself into the toilet. He threw his rotten underpants and trousers out of the train window and managed to clean himself up a bit. Unfortunately, on opening his bag, and trying to work out what he trying to put on, he realised that in his haste he had bought a Denim Jacket.
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Poor guy!!! He certainly had a fail of biblical proportions!

Like the bottom falling out his world or should that be the world falling ot of.....

H
 
I cant believe I'm typing this

Some years ago I was in Norwich filling up with diesel when I got the 2 minute warning

Walked into the petrol station looking for the toilet , the girl behind the counter said no public toilets here

It was apparent she wasn't letting me use the staff toilet so I set off in search of the nearest one, McDonalds, anything , please

After a couple of minutes I was getting desperate then I spotted a supermarket

As I exited the truck I took the step down to the ground

One small step for a man, one too many for my bowels, a large fart with a full follow through

The 100m to the shop walking like John Wayne felt like a mile

Then to my dismay I spotted the toilets , right at the end of 20 busy checkouts, the walk from the truck was nothing compared to doing the John Wayne shuffle smelling of **** with everybody you pass sniffing the air

I managed to clean myself up buy sone new pants and jeans and be on my way leaving Norwich with a souveneer of my visit in the bin
 
I wasted about three pages of auto trader the other day before I realised there was a roll on top of the cistern behind me.
 
dinners said:
I wasted about three pages of auto trader the other day before I realised there was a roll on top of the cistern behind me.
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Yeah but it was only the freebies section full of those rubbish little VW Up's that owners cannot give away to sane people :naughty:
 
MWHCVT said:
Yeah but it was only the freebies section full of those rubbish little VW Up's that owners cannot give away to sane people :naughty:
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Nah, I'd left that bit in the shop :naughty:
 
joescrivens said:
You're just jealous because you couldn't fit in one! :lol::nuts:
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I got two out the freebies section, one for each of my arse cheeks ;) I painted them barbie pink, I mean if I'm going to be seen in such a c.......no cannot bring myself to call it a car I may as well make it as embarrassing as possible
 
MWHCVT said:
I got two out the freebies section, one for each of my arse cheeks ;) I painted them barbie pink, I mean if I'm going to be seen in such a c.......no cannot bring myself to call it a car I may as well make it as embarrassing as possible
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what do you drive matt?

also are you sure you are talking about the right car here. As in the VW Up that won best car of Year? That VW up?

http://www.autocar.co.uk/car-news/motoring/volkswagen-car-year

do you need a cloth to wipe the egg off your face? :lol::lol::lol:
 
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wack61 said:
I cant believe I'm typing this

Some years ago I was in Norwich filling up with diesel when I got the 2 minute warning

Walked into the petrol station looking for the toilet , the girl behind the counter said no public toilets here

It was apparent she wasn't letting me use the staff toilet so I set off in search of the nearest one, McDonalds, anything , please

After a couple of minutes I was getting desperate then I spotted a supermarket

As I exited the truck I took the step down to the ground

One small step for a man, one too many for my bowels, a large fart with a full follow through

The 100m to the shop walking like John Wayne felt like a mile

Then to my dismay I spotted the toilets , right at the end of 20 busy checkouts, the walk from the truck was nothing compared to doing the John Wayne shuffle smelling of **** with everybody you pass sniffing the air

I managed to clean myself up buy sone new pants and jeans and be on my way leaving Norwich with a souveneer of my visit in the bin
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If you were in the Olympics, you would have won the curling competition. GOLD MEDAL
 
MWHCVT said:
I drive a VW Touran that was my mums car and I drive a range rover, awards like that are somewhat pointless IMO I buy a car based on what I need it to do, no egg on this face
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Dance.gif
 
wack61 said:
I cant believe I'm typing this

Some years ago I was in Norwich filling up with diesel when I got the 2 minute warning

Walked into the petrol station looking for the toilet , the girl behind the counter said no public toilets here

It was apparent she wasn't letting me use the staff toilet so I set off in search of the nearest one, McDonalds, anything , please

After a couple of minutes I was getting desperate then I spotted a supermarket

As I exited the truck I took the step down to the ground

One small step for a man, one too many for my bowels, a large fart with a full follow through

The 100m to the shop walking like John Wayne felt like a mile

Then to my dismay I spotted the toilets , right at the end of 20 busy checkouts, the walk from the truck was nothing compared to doing the John Wayne shuffle smelling of **** with everybody you pass sniffing the air

I managed to clean myself up buy sone new pants and jeans and be on my way leaving Norwich with a souveneer of my visit in the bin
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That was an epic story! Well done sir!
 
joescrivens said:
Dance.gif
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Just make sure that egg is ON TOP of your ass cheek....not underneath!!! :D

Joe, your car choice may declare your possible wishes for the future of the planet, but your mere presence upon it negates those intentions :D :lol:
 
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viv1969 said:
Just make sure that egg is ON TOP of your ass cheek....not underneath!!! :D

Joe, your car choice may declare your possible wishes for the future of the planet, but your mere presence upon it degates those intentions :D :lol:
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What does degate mean?
 
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