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Marcel's xfactor rant reminded me of a poem w0t my bruvver wrote (a week or so before the Ross and Brand affair!):
Telly vision
1
Imagine ten years down the road
We'll still have Eurovision,
I now predict within this ode
A horrid telly vision.
The BBC got worse you see
And 1 was run by Woss
Who saw life as an ABC,
He didn't give a toss.
When Wossy deemed foul words would do
They occupied each scene,
The Daleks swore at Dr Who,
Blue Peter grew obscene.
The quality was not as grand
Especially Question Time,
Because the host was Russell Brand
They called it Question Slime.
No more great stars, no one to care
Now Brucie he would bop less,
Fiona Bruce let down her hair
Then read the news out topless.
The pundits showed no sign of taste
Whenever there was sport on
So Alan Hansen went to waste,
Replaced by Graham Norton.
Though Songs Of Praise, the Christians' fave
Could never be forgotten
It's new host loved to rant and rave,
His name was Johnny Rotten.
2
The Hairy Bikers made 2 real,
They belched and acted worse,
Nigella Lawson cooked a meal
Dressed as a sexy nurse.
The Teletubby Massive rocked
Now Po looked rough and stinky
And Dipsy and both Laa Laa shocked
When they mugged Tinky Winky.
And Timewatch became cheesier
Historic facts diminished,
With Mastermind no easier
It started so it finished.
3
As ITV was run by Cowell
He brought in more celebs,
The chavs had taken over now,
An empire for the plebs.
The X Factor it soared and soared
Old ballads for the dopes,
Yet drama Cowell had not ignored
With eighty hours of soaps.
4
On Channel 4 the Time Team gig
Was Jade's who struggled hard,
She couldn't understand the dig
Down in East Angulard.
Big Brother carried on with ease
Inviting freaks and beggars,
The version for celebrities
Had Cherie Blair and Cheggars.
The Queen was miffed, no message on
4's went to WAGs and chefs,
As Gordon Ramsay's speech went on
He filled it up with Fs.
5
Poor Channel 5 had one fan left
Who switched off and felt moody,
No wonder he was so bereft -
He'd seen Richard and Judy.
This telly vision that I see
Is not far from completed
For viewers there's no quality
Just stale ideas repeated.
Telly vision
1
Imagine ten years down the road
We'll still have Eurovision,
I now predict within this ode
A horrid telly vision.
The BBC got worse you see
And 1 was run by Woss
Who saw life as an ABC,
He didn't give a toss.
When Wossy deemed foul words would do
They occupied each scene,
The Daleks swore at Dr Who,
Blue Peter grew obscene.
The quality was not as grand
Especially Question Time,
Because the host was Russell Brand
They called it Question Slime.
No more great stars, no one to care
Now Brucie he would bop less,
Fiona Bruce let down her hair
Then read the news out topless.
The pundits showed no sign of taste
Whenever there was sport on
So Alan Hansen went to waste,
Replaced by Graham Norton.
Though Songs Of Praise, the Christians' fave
Could never be forgotten
It's new host loved to rant and rave,
His name was Johnny Rotten.
2
The Hairy Bikers made 2 real,
They belched and acted worse,
Nigella Lawson cooked a meal
Dressed as a sexy nurse.
The Teletubby Massive rocked
Now Po looked rough and stinky
And Dipsy and both Laa Laa shocked
When they mugged Tinky Winky.
And Timewatch became cheesier
Historic facts diminished,
With Mastermind no easier
It started so it finished.
3
As ITV was run by Cowell
He brought in more celebs,
The chavs had taken over now,
An empire for the plebs.
The X Factor it soared and soared
Old ballads for the dopes,
Yet drama Cowell had not ignored
With eighty hours of soaps.
4
On Channel 4 the Time Team gig
Was Jade's who struggled hard,
She couldn't understand the dig
Down in East Angulard.
Big Brother carried on with ease
Inviting freaks and beggars,
The version for celebrities
Had Cherie Blair and Cheggars.
The Queen was miffed, no message on
4's went to WAGs and chefs,
As Gordon Ramsay's speech went on
He filled it up with Fs.
5
Poor Channel 5 had one fan left
Who switched off and felt moody,
No wonder he was so bereft -
He'd seen Richard and Judy.
This telly vision that I see
Is not far from completed
For viewers there's no quality
Just stale ideas repeated.
