Tell me a joke- need some distraction!

AnnaV

AnnaV

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At hospital just waiting for my daughter to come out of theatre. Running out of distractions! :-(
 
Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a British aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force GR4 Tornado fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Site: ( .... total silence)
 
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
> display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the
> shopkeeper, I'll have a C monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over
> to a cage
> at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and
> leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £5000."
>
> The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist
> went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey.
> Most
> of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?" The
> shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,
> tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
>
> The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
> expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it
> can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All
> the
> really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for
> a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
>
> The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the
> shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What
on
> earth
> does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do
> anything, but it says it's a project manager."
 
Thanks all!

All fine, bit swollen, having a nap.

Could do with one myself!
 
bigfub said:
Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai .

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a British aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a Royal Air Force GR4 Tornado fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Site: ( .... total silence)
Click to expand...

that one reminds me of this one:

A transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.




Anna, pleased all is well :thumbs:
 
bumper sticker seen............


''CAUTION......BLONDE THINKING..''
 
Seen on the back of a camper van in New Zealand



p847544692.jpg
 
TriggerHappy said:
Amazing!
Click to expand...

As can be seen from the back window, it was a rental company. They applied this themselves, and all their vans had something different and quirky on them. In this case I think some previous renter [e.g wife or girlfriend] objected and tried to block it out with tape.
 
MisterE said:
As can be seen from the back window, it was a rental company. They applied this themselves, and all their vans had something different and quirky on them. In this case I think some previous renter [e.g wife or girlfriend] objected and tried to block it out with tape.
Click to expand...

She must have got an eye-full at some point! :lol:
 
Hello!

Thank you for your jokes and kind thoughts.

We are home and the swelling from her face is now down considerably, and she has been bossing us around today so spirits nearly restored!

Have this week off work so will take her out with the camera and try to get a toothy smile for you!

Thanks again xxxx
 
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