I have always needed to be loved, liked, mr nice-guy, and need to have my confidance boosted at every occasion. I am also not good at looking in - scared of what I may find.
What makes me laugh - my kids, happiness - sometimes, when maybe driving home after a trip to London to work, I can't contain myself as I sit, driving along the motorway, and a huge smile, to the point of yelling out at the world as I sit in my little car, knowing I am going home. Music - i listen late at night, often with a little too much wine inside me, and music will make me weep, laugh, remember...
I am scared of looking inwards and finding that I might not like what I find. I am a loving, and much loved husband and father, yet still I have really dark times, and wonder why I am here.
Comedy or drama - not easy - comedy most of the time, but drama is what gets me.
The image that came to mind straight away was an old newspaper picture of a young boy who was deaf, and had been wired up or operated on to allow him to hear, and the picture was of his face, hearing sound for the first time. The next one is of the naked girl running towards the camers in Vietnam.
I like movies that leave you thinking - dark, ambiguous, un-nerving. I cry easily.
Thank you....
Steve, finally back and ready to type what will likely be a book. I should preface to the other readers that a lot of what I'm going to say is based upon having met you, having seen your "old" work, and our conversations during and after the Brighton workshop. Just so you don't think I'm divining this all from the few questions I asked above.
In your work, first and foremost, I see your feelings about yourself. In most of your shots that are not of your family (or workshop participants), I see a careful attempt to not be vulnerable. I see non-emotional shots designed to be visually pleasing but not the least bit moving. I think you are taking the pretty-but-safe shots you feel others will want to see, at least partly (I suspect) because it's scary to show others what is deeply moving to you. There's an enormous fear that others will not think it's valuable.
Looking at your images in your TP gallery, I suspect that you are a person who sees small things much more readily than the big picture, no pun intended. You show small bits of objects in your still life shots, probably in an effort to show things in a way most people don't see them, pulling out something beautiful or interesting in an everyday object. Trying to make people appreciate the unappreciated -- again a reflection on your lack of self-confidence. Shooting from those low angles so often -- again, likely an expression of feeling very small or insignificant in the world. You're making a strong statement about yourself almost against your will.
(To clarify, there is nothing wrong with images that reflect a lack of self-confidence. IMO it's actually a good thing. The most important thing your work can do is reflect who you are. And there's nothing wrong with who you are. My work often expresses the darker sides of my personality and life experience, and those images are my strongest and most memorable.)
Now, the images of your family reflect what you said in your post about being a loving and loved husband and father. Your family, specifically your role in your family, is where you feel most confident and accepted. As a result, your work is much more open and emotive. The prints you brought to the workshop that you made years ago show a lot more of that depth and emotion, not coincidentally because you made them before you allowed your confidence to be shattered by someone who never had the privilege of seeing your work.
Style is not the same thing as technique. Style is your photographic voice. It's what your work says about you (even if you don't want it to.) The technical aspects (from exposure to post-processing to lighting and all the rest of that) are just tools. Style isn't an action or monochrome vs. color thing. As I've said before, if you can buy it, borrow it, download it, or steal it, it's not style.
Don't get hung up on the word "style."
I would say, Steve, that the still-life shots in your gallery are not really "you." They're pretty and nicely executed, but they're so guarded that there's not a lot of depth to be found. And you are a person who appreciates depth, honesty, and the power of emotion. When I suggested before that you look at those early shots of yours and identify what you (and I) liked so much about them, it was those things that I was referring to. That's where your strength lies, if you can trust yourself enough to be vulnerable.
I wish you would share some of those prints you showed me in Brighton -- let everyone see what you can really produce. You're thinking, "But that was ages ago, and I really can't shoot like that anymore, blah blah, etc." I don't believe you, so don't try that with me.
Now that I've thoroughly embarrassed you, although you did ask for it.....
And of course, I'll add that only you know if I've hit the mark, or if I'm totally off base and best to ignore. LOL.
- CJ