Stupid things people have said to you

gm43uk said:
A friend was driving her toddler to the nursery when a car overtook. A little voice in the back said "****ing idiot."

My friend thought she was hearing things and carried on. Another car overtook "****ing idiot" again.

She stopped and asked her daughter what she said and she replied "****ing idiot"

"That's not a nice thing to say."

"But daddy says it all the time when he's driving." Was the reply. Oh, he was in trouble when he got home that night.
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Brilliant! :lol:
 
During a friendly argument with my mother, she came out with a pearler...

She said to me, 'You son of a b*tch...'

:lol:
 
gm43uk said:
I popped into the local take-away after work and a little, old lady in front of me asked for "one of those crispy, acrobatic ducks."
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My mother tried to buy Romantic Duck from our local Chinese :)
 
My Mum's a great source of what we call "Bev-isms".....

When studying (I use the term studying loosely) A-Level biology I needed a book called "Micro Organisms in Action".

She strolled into one of the biggest bookshops in town and asked the assistant for Micro Orgasms in Action, after puzzled looks from the assistant, another person behind the counter said "I think you mean Micro Organisms in Action" :lol:
 
TCR4x4 said:
A British gas salesman knocked on my door a few weeks back.

Him. "Oh hello, are you mum and dad in?"

Me. "Do you want me to ring them and ask??"

Jees, I'm 26 and lived in my own house for almost 4 years!
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I used to get that! Got too many grey hairs for it now. Cold callers usually ask something sexist about whether the man of the house is in so they can sell double glazing. Even the sign which clearly states no cold callers isn't deterring some of the more stupid ones.
 
My sister-in-law's mum told someone she'd been "feeling under the doctor all week." :eek:
 
Russ77 said:
My Mum's a great source of what we call "Bev-isms".....

When studying (I use the term studying loosely) A-Level biology I needed a book called "Micro Organisms in Action".

She strolled into one of the biggest bookshops in town and asked the assistant for Micro Orgasms in Action, after puzzled looks from the assistant, another person behind the counter said "I think you mean Micro Organisms in Action" :lol:
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A burger bar I used to frequent sold 4oz, 8oz, 12oz and 16oz burgers, then there were extras such as fried egg, bacon, cheese, pineapple, mushrooms, salad etc. If you had the full works what ever the size of burger, they called it a "Blow Out". I knew someone who went in and asked for a blow job by mistake.:lol:
 
I bumped into my next door neighbor in a park about a mile from our houses, I had my camera round my neck. She said, " so you taking pictures then?" duh..
 
At work the other day, my phone rang and as I started to put the old head set on, I noticed that it was a Bicester dialling code but didn’t pay much attention to the number. “Morning, Di speaking can I help”? Hi Di, it’s Dean!

Hi Dean I say. Now recognising the voice I check the LCD screen on the phone again. Dean, you’ve dialled an outside line rather than just the extension for an internal number. Oh. Do you want me to call you back? :cuckoo: :bang: :bang: :bang:

How I managed to stop myself from laughing I don’t know but he really did make my day.

Di
 
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My aunty Joan used to love watching Grease, because she thought Olivia Newton Aycliffe was gorgeous.
 
I used to Teach IT, when i was showing a gentleman how to print out his work he asked if there was a printer in the monitor to make the letters appear on the screen!

Lots of students couldn't understand why the work they had saved on the PC at the centre wasn't on their computer at home.

Recently my daughter announced that Azpakistan had won the eurovision!
 
Foreign telesales call:

*phone rings*
[me] Hello, {companyname}
[caller] Am I speaking to Mr or Mrs Granger?
[me] I'm sorry, you have a wrong number.
[caller] *sharply* Are you sure?
[me] Yes, this is a business line, always has been. No one of that name has ever worked here.
[caller] This is {companynumber}?
[me] Yes.
[caller] It says here that is the number of Mr and Mrs Granger. Where are they please?
[me] *hangup*

*phone rings*
[me] Hello, {companyname}
[caller] Am I speaking to Mr or Mrs Granger?
[me] *puts him through to the fax line*
 
A few years back, I was treated to the following performance at a cross roads, by a group of 5-6 twenty-something youths shouting at a cyclist.

[Person #1] "{derisive laugh},(points} Look at that idiot, he's stopped at a red light!

[Group] {laughter}

[Person #2] "Hey, Mister! You know you don't have to stop on a bike? You can go straight through!"

[Group] {more laughter, accompanied by grins,shaking heads, and some abusive epithets}
 
Girl: Oh look, they got free range eggs reduced.
Guy: 'ow come they only ever 'ave free range, not one range or two range or multi range?
Girl: I dunno... Maybe frees are the best, and the ones and twos get frown out?
Guy: Yeah, vat'll be it.
 
At a kids birthday party, "How old was your baby when she was born?" .... Erm. Hmm.

She was 8 months pregnant. :)
 
So!........... have you lived here all your life?

Me: .... No, not yet! :D
 
After recieving one of those irritating phone calls from a salesman who had been told I was busy he said "I just want to ask you 3 questions" so I said "ok"

him - can you confirm your name (I said nothing)
him - and your date of birth (I said nothing)
him - are you still there?
I said yes and that's your third question, goodbye and put the phone down.
 
Last night whilst having some lovely fresh salmon, new pots, asparagus etc....... the better half says.....

"This salmon tastes quite fishy!"

and THEN it was MY fault for laughing at her.
 
Are you ready to start work yet?
 
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