Stupid things people have said to you

"Why are you here today?"
Asked of me last week by anaesthetist just before he put me to sleep for an eye operation. What he should have asked was "will you just confirm that it's the right eye that we're operating on?"

The surgeon and 3 nurses had already asked me that, and someone had drawn an arrow on my face pointing to it, but they do like to make sure:)
 
I was alone at the bottom of one of those observation towers - Seattle I think it was, waiting for the lift to descend.

A US resident joined me, and asked if I'd pressed the button. Weary from trudging round the streets all day I gave him my "look" and replied "No. I'm trying telepathy". He cast me a sheepish embarrassed glance but remained silent.
 
I was on a plane once, when a lady I knew from our town walked past to go to the toilet, she stopped & had a chat about how wierd we both happen to be on the same flight etc. Anyway a couple of hours later the same lady walks past me heading to the toilet again, she smiles nods & says............

Your still here then?:D:D:D

God knows where she thought i would of got off, I nearly died of laughter.
 
I once asked a friend how far it was to Birmingham, his reply.....


Depends on how fast you go.
 
my freind just said:

'say you have 10gb of internet usage if you downloaded something that was 1gb would you have 9gb of internet usage left'

he didnt find my response funny

'well done 10-1 does = 9'
Jack
 
I was in a rental car with a work colleague in boston in the US and she had never used the cruise control. I showed it to her and she was all chuffed with how it worked and maintained her speed.

Since we were on the freeway in the US we drove a good 30 mins without her having to actually press a pedal. Then we were coming into some traffic up to a toll gate and she wasn't slowing down.

I looked over at her and pointed out there was traffic up ahead was she going to slow down and she said she thought the cruise control was going to break for her.

I was very scared to have to continue the rest of my journey with her driving
 
joescrivens said:
I was in a rental car with a work colleague in boston in the US and she had never used the cruise control. I showed it to her and she was all chuffed with how it worked and maintained her speed.

Since we were on the freeway in the US we drove a good 30 mins without her having to actually press a pedal. Then we were coming into some traffic up to a toll gate and she wasn't slowing down.

I looked over at her and pointed out there was traffic up ahead was she going to slow down and she said she thought the cruise control was going to break for her.

I was very scared to have to continue the rest of my journey with her driving
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The latest cruise control systems would actually do that for her! :p
 
young girl in the office a few years ago....

her: so i put this document in the fax machine and dial the number and press 'go' right?
me: yes, that's it.. really easy
her: so, where does the paper actually go then? how does it come out at the other end?
me: no sugar, strong, with milk please.

my mate.. an avid united fan... used to sing (very loudly) at the match... 'Dwight Yorke wherever you may be, you are the king of geography'!!

i almost wet my pants when i heard him... it should be 'king of pornography' after his filming escapades with Jordan. I asked my mate... what the hell would Dwight Yorke have to do with geography? He said.. well, because he's from Trinidad and he's played for a few different clubs :bonk:
 
We've had a bad outbreak of ticks in the fields where we walk our dogs in the last 2 weeks. Warm weather and lush green grass - ideal tick breeding conditions according to the local vet.

I've taken 3 off one dog alone in the last week, so when I saw a new dog walker in the area leading her dog straight towards the field, I warned her by saying "If you are going into the field, be careful as there are a lot of blood sucking ticks in the long grass"

"It's OK" she cheerily replied, "I've got my trousers tucked into the top of my boots"

Oh, well........................ the thought was there
 
On a recent holiday in Scotland, as we approached Loch Alsh my good Lady wife turned to me and asked " Is this where the Loch Ness Monster lives"

:lol::lol::lol:

Les
 
joescrivens said:
I was in a rental car with a work colleague in boston in the US and she had never used the cruise control. I showed it to her and she was all chuffed with how it worked and maintained her speed.

Since we were on the freeway in the US we drove a good 30 mins without her having to actually press a pedal. Then we were coming into some traffic up to a toll gate and she wasn't slowing down.

I looked over at her and pointed out there was traffic up ahead was she going to slow down and she said she thought the cruise control was going to break for her.

I was very scared to have to continue the rest of my journey with her driving
Click to expand...

Possibly an urban myth, but I heard of an American who hired a Winnebago, got out on the open road, set the cruise control, then got up and walked into the back to make himself a drink.:bonk:
 
my wife tonight looking at the log burner - "it must be hot in that fire" :shrug:
 
AndyB1976 said:
I was recently questioned during an oil topup for a relative "oh is that where you pour the oil...I thought it was poured down the dipstick tube"

I still don't know if he was being serious.... :lol:
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You'd be surprised how many people think that lol!
 
Splog said:
A couple of years ago my boss asked me to send him a confidential letter. I said okay I'll stick it in the post!! No he said "I need it straight away, can't you fax it ?" But it,s confidential, I said " so you'll have to wait by the fad machine!.... "No, I can't do that!... Just put it in an envelope and fax it for my attention" he said.
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Brilliant!
 
nilagin said:
Possibly an urban myth, but I heard of an American who hired a Winnebago, got out on the open road, set the cruise control, then got up and walked into the back to make himself a drink.:bonk:
Click to expand...

A winner of the Stella Award! A collection of the most bizarre and stupid lawsuits, usually from our neighbours accross the pond :lol:

http://www.stellaawards.com/
 
AndyB1976 said:
I was recently questioned during an oil topup for a relative "oh is that where you pour the oil...I thought it was poured down the dipstick tube"

I still don't know if he was being serious.... :lol:
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The dipstick hole isn't for putting the new oil in, it's for taking the old oil out!
 
leftcurl said:
young girl in the office a few years ago....

her: so i put this document in the fax machine and dial the number and press 'go' right?
me: yes, that's it.. really easy
her: so, where does the paper actually go then? how does it come out at the other end?
me: no sugar, strong, with milk please.
Click to expand...

One company I worked with designed and printed forms for clients. They had to approve final proofs and usually faxed the signed-off proof back to us before we sent it to print.

On checking with one particular client what quality of paper he wanted he said he'd just faxed the correct grade! We thought he was taking the 'water' but he got quite irate when questioned further.

I always thought these fax stories were urban myths until I experienced this one.
 
I was on a bus when a little girl about 3 started removing her shoes and socks. Her mum asked her what she was doing and she said "You made me get dressed in a hurry this morning and I'm just seeing if I've brought all my toes."

A friend was driving her toddler to the nursery when a car overtook. A little voice in the back said "****ing idiot."

My friend thought she was hearing things and carried on. Another car overtook "****ing idiot" again.

She stopped and asked her daughter what she said and she replied "****ing idiot"

"That's not a nice thing to say."

"But daddy says it all the time when he's driving." Was the reply. Oh, he was in trouble when he got home that night.

A couple of photographic ones from my mate Dave, a self-appointed expert on everything.

Someone asked me why his close-ups had large areas out of focus. I was about to explain about depth of field when Dave announced it was because "he wasn't using all his megapixels."

Someone else asked what ISO meant - Dave was right in with the answer. "Internet Speed Option. The higher the ISO, the faster you can upload to the web."
 
one of my mates thought prawns grew on trees, until she went to a party with a buffet where they had prawn rings (where they still have tails on), as far as im aware she hasnt eaten a prawn since
 
gm43uk said:
A couple of photographic ones from my mate Dave, a self-appointed expert on everything.

Someone asked me why his close-ups had large areas out of focus. I was about to explain about depth of field when Dave announced it was because "he wasn't using all his megapixels."

Someone else asked what ISO meant - Dave was right in with the answer. "Internet Speed Option. The higher the ISO, the faster you can upload to the web."
Click to expand...

OMG!!! :lol:

The not using all his megapixels is a classic, ISO is unbelievable, especially as I find upping the ISO usually increases filesize :lol:
 
Went into a restaurant with some friends and said to the Waitress we had a table booked for four under the name "Brown".

She replied how do you spell that!!! :cuckoo:

She was English as well with a local accent - the quality of education these days :thumbs:
 
Russ77 said:
OMG!!! :lol:

The not using all his megapixels is a classic, ISO is unbelievable, especially as I find upping the ISO usually increases filesize :lol:
Click to expand...

He also babbles on about "pixellation speeds" but I really don't want to ask what they are.

Dave's finest moment was when he was out in the country and decided he wanted to cross a field. He was about to climb over a fence when it was pointed out that it was electrified.

He carried on and announced in his most pompous voice "That only works for animals it doesn't affect humaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhh!"

Needless to say he didn't get much sympathy. :lol:
 
My wives best mate once told me that the moon was the back of the sun. She couldn't understand why I was laughing my t*** and she took some convincing she was wrong.

My wife isn't much better though. Until I re educated her, she thought that you had to put petrol in caravans!
 
Sean_m said:
My wives best mate once told me that the moon was the back of the sun. She couldn't understand why I was laughing my t*** and she took some convincing she was wrong.

My wife isn't much better though. Until I re educated her, she thought that you had to put petrol in caravans!
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You do :P if you want to get rid of the bloody things!
 
My daughter asked me if everything was in black and white when i was little...... jeeze I felt old :)
 
fabs said:
Was shooting a corporate cricket tournament yesterday. Must have been at least a dozen times that people came up to me and asked "Get any good photos?". Seriously, what to you say in response to that??
Click to expand...

In your case " No! " ;)
 
Not actually said to me but over heard in a pub the other week .

Man1 is taking out his recent holiday
Man2 Asks " Did you go to Gary Lineker's bar ? "
Man1 " mmm not sure , whats it called ? "
Man2 " Linekers "

My friend and myself just burst out laughing
 
I've just been on a cruise, where one morning the sea had been a little rough. I was talking to a couple of americans, and the woman confessed to making herself look "a little silly" having gone off to ask the staff where the button was for the wave pool as she couldn't understand why the pool was quite still, yet at 4am when she'd passed it was like a wave pool.

apparently the member of staff looked at her and said "at 4am this morning there was waves out there too", and pointed out the window to the sea.
 
Went to the dog racing track in Romford a couple of years ago, two of the girls with us were asked to present the prize to a winning dogs handlers. One of the girls who was a little inebriated at the time ask ' how long have you been racing horses then..................':bonk:

I was told she got the filthiest look and was not granted with an answer :lol:



.
 
Mum how many slices do you want this pizza cutting into 4 or 8?
Reply,4 I can't eat 8 slices??
 
As a kid watching VHS videos a friend once said about the guy who gave the age warning at the beginning he must be making a mint as he had to do it for every video!!! Couldn't help but laugh as he wouldn't believe it was copied each time...
 
SatNav: "Warning Gatso ahead"
Wife: "What does she mean 'cats overhead'?" :shrug:
 
I popped into the local take-away after work and a little, old lady in front of me asked for "one of those crispy, acrobatic ducks."
 
Sean_m said:
My wife isn't much better though. Until I re educated her, she thought that you had to put petrol in caravans!
Click to expand...

Sounds like something they'd get up to on Top Gear ;)
 
This one happened today, almost left me gobsmacked.............

Went out and about on my daily lunchtime walk - armed with a Camera (as you do, but nothing about)

I work in the centre of Norwich, about a 3-wood away from the Cathedral........:)

A picture might help here so here goes:

doh.jpg



Approx somewhere near the pink blob, I walked past a couple of tourists furtively studying a large map.

Being in a rare good helpful mood, I approached them and said "you look , a bit lost, Can I help at all?"

Reply in a heavy American Drawl - "why, Thankyou Sir, we are looking for Norrrrrr-**** Cathedral?"

"hmm Ok, the R.C. One of the C.o.E.?"

"The Church of England one Sir."

"Ah that, easy then, put your map away and turn round. It's there." Pointing. (Has a 315ft Spire which can be seen from a lot of the city and from a lot of the surrounding area.) Prob the top 1/3 or so from where they were standing
 
A British gas salesman knocked on my door a few weeks back.

Him. "Oh hello, are you mum and dad in?"

Me. "Do you want me to ring them and ask??"

Jees, I'm 26 and lived in my own house for almost 4 years!
 
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