Stupid things people have said to you

wack61

wack61

I've got an itchy hatch
Suspended / Banned
Messages
7,344
Edit My Images
No
Many years ago I had a mate who was a builder

One day he said to me he was worried about the amount of house building going on in the south of the country and how it could unstabilise the country.

I thought he meant because of the implications of people moving to the south

He meant because of the weight :D

I couldn't stop laughing thinking of Scotland suddenly tipping up in the air as one house too many was built in Hastings.

My Dad was a keen fisherman 20 years ago but carrying all his rods and kit was always a pain to him.

One day he rang me up and asked if I thought it would be possible to fix some balloons full of helium to his kit so it would float along beside him so he wouldn't have to carry it.

I had tears running down my face while doing my best to answer without sounding like I was laughing at the thought of it.

My ex mother in law lived 200 miles from us, I went to collect her up to bring her up for a visit, after about 20 miles I pulled into a petrol station, she got out and said, which house if yours.

She also decided to shorten the lead to a lamp beside the TV so she cut the wire with some scissors while it was plugged in and switched on, luckily the scissors had plastic handles so there was just a loud bang.
 
Went to buy some shoes and asked for a size eleven, young assistant came back and said they didn't have them, but would size tens do

Probably not as they wouldn't fit, nice try though

Another time went in the butchers and requested two chicken breasts, young lad said they didn't have them, but would a couple of pork chops be ok

Not for a chicken curry they wouldn't or any other chicken dish for that matter
 
The mum of one of my mates at school, thought the Isle of Wight was in Scotland. Thing was, she had been there twice.
 
Laying in hospital, 4 days after a massive heart attack. Tubes and drips, all over the place. And my boss comes in to see me, And says "F me you look terrible".

Just what I needed:D:D
 
tijuana taxi said:
Went to buy some shoes and asked for a size eleven, young assistant came back and said they didn't have them, but would size tens do

Probably not as they wouldn't fit, nice try though
Click to expand...

Had something similar in Next in Norwich when looking for a suit jacket. Asked the assistant if they had it in 48" chest.

"You need a 44" Sir."

"No, trust me, I need a 48"

"Sir, I have been working here years, (picking the 44" off the hanger) I know peoples measurements just from looking at them."

"OK then."

and let him help me into it -

"Kind of a bit tight across the shoulders isn't it" I said as pulling it on and flexing shoulders -

2 seconds later - both sleeve seams, gave way. Much to his dismay.





As for stupid comments - oh literally millions, I'll have a think!"


Ex boss insisted we were not part of the EU since we used sterling and not Euro's.
 
tijuana taxi said:
Went to buy some shoes and asked for a size eleven, young assistant came back and said they didn't have them, but would size tens do

Probably not as they wouldn't fit, nice try though
Click to expand...


Grrr! I get this all the time having size 9 boats feet! :lol: It's my pet hate!!
 
wack61 said:
..............He meant because of the weight :D

I couldn't stop laughing thinking of Scotland suddenly tipping up in the air as one house too many was built in Hastings.......
Click to expand...

actually [groan] the SE corner of England is sinking, and the NW corner of Scotland is rising

''By Louise Gray, Environment Correspondent 12:01AM BST 07 Oct 2009

The University of Durham looked at levels of land uplift and subsidence in the British isles since the Ice Age. As the ice retreated 20,000 years ago the release of the enormous weight meant the north slowly tilted up while the south sank down. Scotland is still experiencing this "springboard" effect while southern Ireland, Wales and England continues to sink.

The new study shows that land levels could rise by up to 10cm in some areas of Scotland over the next century, offsetting the effects of sea level rise caused by global warming. But in parts of England, where the land is set to sink by up to 5cm over the next century, it could add between 10 to 33 per cent on sea level rises. ''

be prepared for lotsa hairy legged kilts to slide down your way.....:lol::lol:
 
Many moons ago one of my colleagues, a devout Catholic, took her infirm mother to Lourdes, on her return one of the other team members asked her if the trip had been a success, "well," came the reply............



"you can't expect miracles!"

:thinking:



:shrug:
 
I was recently questioned during an oil topup for a relative "oh is that where you pour the oil...I thought it was poured down the dipstick tube"

I still don't know if he was being serious.... :lol:
 
I was in an R.E class and my friend had to ask the teacher if she is a jew or just jewish, i new what she mean (we were talking about the difference in Judaism the race and the religion) but it did make me laugh :P
Jack
 
Sometimes at work there are 3 for 2 offers implying you buy 3 items and pay for the price of 2 (usually cheapest free).

You would be surprised at the amount of people who interpret that as 3 for £2 and ask if thats what they would get it for :cuckoo:
 
Here's a couple of recent ones from my wife.....

"You should try sitting....it's not as easy as you think!"

.....and this gem of a conversation from last week.....

Wife: "Oh my god, Germany won Eurovision again!"
Me: "No they didn't"
Wife: "Well who did then?"
Me: "Azerbaijan"
Wife: "Yeah, but which country?"
Me: "Azerbaijan"
Wife: "Is that a country?"
Me: "Yes!!"
Wife: "Don't laugh at me!"

Yes, she's an idiot!!! :cuckoo:
 
Walking through the park the other day and there was a cricket match on. My wife said that bower must be good...even the fielder on the other team is clapping!

Bless!
 
Walking through the park the other day and there was a cricket match on. My wife said that bowler must be good...even the fielder on the other team is clapping!

Bless!
 
braveboy2012 said:
Walking through the park the other day and there was a cricket match on. My wife said that bower must be good...even the fielder on the other team is clapping!

Bless!
Click to expand...

It's great having the forum on my phone but posting becomes more fun with predictive text d'oh!
 
A couple of years ago my boss asked me to send him a confidential letter. I said okay I'll stick it in the post!! No he said "I need it straight away, can't you fax it ?" But it,s confidential, I said " so you'll have to wait by the fad machine!.... "No, I can't do that!... Just put it in an envelope and fax it for my attention" he said.
 
Looking for directions we asked a chap if he could help us.

"Yes" he said "If you keep going up this road you will come to a railway bridge going over the road.....well about a mile and a half before then, you need to turn left":cuckoo:
 
"Why can't I get into the classifieds, I've read all the FAQ's, notices and rules when I joined this morning"

"Where are the classifieds"

"Ive just spammed my way to 100 posts, can I see the classifieds now?"
 
Marcel said:
"Why can't I get into the classifieds, I've read all the FAQ's, notices and rules when I joined this morning"

"Where are the classifieds"

"Ive just spammed my way to 100 posts, can I see the classifieds now?"
Click to expand...

Wasn't Chris (Cobra) was it?. :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
Marcel said:
"Why can't I get into the classifieds, I've read all the FAQ's, notices and rules when I joined this morning"

"Where are the classifieds"

"Ive just spammed my way to 100 posts, can I see the classifieds now?"
Click to expand...

Ive been waiting for this one, did not expect it to be you though Marcel:lol::lol:

On simlar lines to the oil and dip stick post above.
Same lad that tried that when I was tounger asked me to bleed his brakes for him as they where alittle spongy, i said ok we will get the air out, pass me the brake fluid you bought, so he goes to the boot of the car and walks round to the front shanking the bottle, I says what you doing, he said oh just mixing it up for you:bonk::bonk::bonk:
This kid really did deserve the Darwin award, but he gave us all a laugh at times:thumbs:

spike
 
Last year on holiday at a caravan site, my mum asked my 7yr old daughter to take the rubbish sack up to the bin. She came running back and told us "there is only a bin that says "refuse".

We were wetting ourselves!!!
 
AndyB1976 said:
I was recently questioned during an oil topup for a relative "oh is that where you pour the oil...I thought it was poured down the dipstick tube"
Click to expand...

A guy at work used to have a Ford Galaxy, I was talking to the maintenance guy at work when he came over to speak to him.

You know about cars

er yes

my oil warning light is staying on but the oil isn't low because I've filled it up, can you have a look at it.

Ok so I go over with him

he pulls the dipstick out but it's wet to the top so he takes the oil cap off and it's full, to the top, he's only poured 2 full cans in there

turns out the switch was faulty
 
Lynton said:
Had something similar in Next in Norwich when looking for a suit jacket. Asked the assistant if they had it in 48" chest.

"You need a 44" Sir."

"No, trust me, I need a 48"

"Sir, I have been working here years, (picking the 44" off the hanger) I know peoples measurements just from looking at them."

"OK then."

and let him help me into it -

"Kind of a bit tight across the shoulders isn't it" I said as pulling it on and flexing shoulders -

2 seconds later - both sleeve seams, gave way. Much to his dismay.
Click to expand...

This made me laugh out loud! :lol::lol::lol:

Just remembered a few colleagues went to Tesco for their lunch - came back with the ready cooked chicken legs/thighs. One guy in his 20s said, "That's really nice, it is wrapped in bacon!"

It wasn't - just the crispy skin of the chicken! :cuckoo::shake:
 
Last edited:
"Should women be allowed to drive"?

That's a serious question floating about these days in my bit of the world; where men are men, camels are nervous, and women aren't allowed to drive!

:shake:
 
As a s/e tradesman I'm usually working directly for customers in their homes.
When everything's finished and I've packed all my tools etc. away, a very large percentage of people, (mostly women, I'm afraid), come out with this little gem.....


"I suppose you want paying then?"


Over the years I've worked out a number of witty replies to this, (in my head).
One day....
 
Not specifically said to me but on a crime program on the idiot's lantern "He must have written that before he died".

No duff Sherlock. :cuckoo:
 
archangel said:
you are lucky ..i have size 12 feet......
Click to expand...

Wanna swap for my size 13s? :lol:

I'm not even 6ft tall, luckily my feet stopped growing when I was 13 years old!!! Used to get funny reactions in shoe shops as a teenager :lol:

Was having a random conversation with my ex-wife, who at the time was in a senior business analyst earning over £40K..........

Something came up about night time and how day turns into night.

Her: Well it's the night clouds that do it.
Me: Huh!!! :shrug:
Her: Night clouds come in and make it dark
Me: :thinking:
Her: They block the sun so it's dark?

By now I'm seriously trying to stop a fit of laughter and suggested that it might actually be due to the earth spinning and the bit of the planet you happen to be on pointing away from the sun..... :thumbs:

Her: REALLY????????
Me: :help:
Her: OK smart arse!! Christ! You just have to know better about everything don't you!!!

So not only did she come out with possibly the dumbest comment EVER, it was my fault for knowing something that most 10 year olds understand :lol:
 
Slimbert said:
Here's a couple of recent ones from my wife.....

"You should try sitting....it's not as easy as you think!"

.....and this gem of a conversation from last week.....

Wife: "Oh my god, Germany won Eurovision again!"
Me: "No they didn't"
Wife: "Well who did then?"
Me: "Azerbaijan"
Wife: "Yeah, but which country?"
Me: "Azerbaijan"
Wife: "Is that a country?"
Me: "Yes!!"
Wife: "Don't laugh at me!"

Yes, she's an idiot!!! :cuckoo:
Click to expand...


<prints>
 
From my brother-in-law when he bought a tropical fish tank...


I wish these fish would stop drinking so much as i'm forever topping up the tank with water.
 
We climb out of a car, outside a church. We have the company logo all over the back of our car, facing the church.
Two camera bags get lifted out of the boot. Guy stood by us, who had just watched the unloading says
" Are you the photographers?"

No i'm the bloody vicar. i came soooo close.
 
fabs said:
Was shooting a corporate cricket tournament yesterday. Must have been at least a dozen times that people came up to me and asked "Get any good photos?". Seriously, what to you say in response to that??
Click to expand...

You say

"Photos, I'm not taking photos .... I'm just taking the camera for a walk... we're having a great time arent we Oswald ?" *pats camera on lenses as if its a small child*
 
On our wedding day, my Wife walked in to the bar area in her dress and some middle aged woman asked her "are you getting married?"

Stood outside the chippy I once overhear someone say to their child "Hurry up your Ice cream's getting cold"

An annoying regular customer wasled into the shop, and without so much as a breath in advance, stopped in the doorway and asked me "Are you a virgin?" I was speechless for a few moments before finally coming out with "ask my wife!"

Last year I was asked by a customer stood in front of a gap on a shelf next to several rows of overflowing newspapers, "are there no daily mails left?" I said, "No, we don't sell them, the boss doens't like their political views" and walked off.

(Caernarfon & Denbigh Herald, local weekly published thursdays)

Customer: "Are there no Heralds today?"
Me: "No, all sold now ,the new ones will be out tomorrow though"
Customer: "It came out today"
Me: "It's Wednesday"
Customer: "No, They're Definitely Out today I've seen them in Londis"
Me: "That's the old one, which we've sold out of, the new one will be published tomorrow"
Customer "Are you sure it's Wednesday?"
Me: "Very Sure"

(Customer walks off in a strop, and repeats the same conversation with girl on till getting more irate, before leaving the shop still not convinced it was a Wednesday!)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top