Street fight. Walk away I did, now I feel angry.

Forbiddenbiker

Forbiddenbiker

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Adam
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Not like me to worry about such things, but since I consider many of you as friends, then here goes :D
For the first time in my life I conscientiously walked/rapidly avoided away from a confrontation. (fight)

I did this because I had my son with me and in my head I was quickly calculating the 'maybe' the 'possibilities' and any thought that my son may get involved i decided getting out was the best and safest alternative.

I'm quite sure a lot of you will say I did the right thing , which is probably true ...

But now I feel quite angry with myself for not splatting the guy. It takes quite a lot of provocation to make me violent, so please believe me when I say I gave him all the outs and more. ...so when he went too far (started throwing bottles at me) I did feel totally ok to smash him about ...although , as I said ...I decided not to.

He saw my indecision I feel ...that gets my goat as well.

I'm angry because part of me feels ashamed, what did my son expect me to do I wondered ... I asked him afterwards, he said that he was expecting me to beat him up, although he also said he did respect me for not doing so ...Not sure I believe him though.

grrr.

Any of you male parents ever felt like I do now .. tell me I shouldn't feel ashamed ...perhaps you consider this to be one of the responsibility's of being a parent, some times you must swallow your pride kinda thing.

... I feel better after writing that last paragraph. ;)

Have I just bruised my male pride and I should get over it pronto. ... I'm thinking so. :(:

Although I'm writing about me and my emotions, I would be interested what you guys think generally about confrontation, being a hero even. ..and how does this change (if at all) when your kids may witness stuff that may shock them?

Would you stand up for someone if they needed it, how far should you swallow your pride.... especially in todays world of seemingly meaningless lives, knives ..and possibly guns.

?
 
I'm not a male parent but I'll give you my perspective all the same.

You did the right thing. The guy was obviously a throbber but you didn't lower yourself to his level, you didn't teach your son that violence is the answer and you showed him how to be the bigger man. When your son isn't around you can hunt the guy down and give him what's coming if you like ;)

Personally I hate any thought of physical confrontation, I punch like a girl, I'd rather rip somone to shreds mentally and verbally than get violent. As for the standing up for someone bit then it would depend totally on who they were, who they were up against and what it was all about.

Don't feel ashamed.
 
You should be very proud of yourself Adam ... ;) ... it's the other idiot that should be totally ashamed ... :suspect:


And I reckon your son will respect you m8 ... don't disbelieve him ... :shrug:


You done good in difficult and challenging circumstances by the sound of it ... NOT walking away is the easy option ... :clap:



FWIW ... :D


:p
 
to be honest mate if you had confronted him and he pulled something on you " as happens alot nowadays" anything could have happened.
how would you have felt lying on the floor bleeding with your son watching or worse still getting a hiding aswell
i think you have and did do the right thing..
i know its hard but as you said your a family man and they come first..

just my thought
dave:thumbs:
 
You did the right thing.

Although it really depends who was being harrasssed . If it were just me I'd have laughed it off.
If it were people I was with then I'd have had to be dragged away.

Pride is a daft concept.
Don't lose anything to it.
 
monkeydave said:
how would you have felt lying on the floor bleeding with your son watching or worse still getting a hiding aswell
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Yeah, that was the thought that made me change my mind Dave. :(
:thumbs:

I nearly did go back after dropping my son off ... But then I thought i'm just being reactionary ... I should just move one etc.


Thanks guys, I thought sharing this might help and it does. :)
 
I think your number one priority was the safety of your son. Discretion is the better part of valour.

Kev M said:
When your son isn't around you can hunt the guy down and give him what's coming if you like ;)
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:thumbs:
 
Forbiddenbiker said:
I wish i believed that hes now thinking that Rog ... but I don't credit him with that much insight unfortunately.

I shall do as ratty says, forget about pride, its overrated....

I'm trying. :D ;)
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Ahh but you, me and the rest of the world know Adam ... :D ... the fact that he may be too thick to know just makes your actions even more the right thing to have done ... ;) ... after all pride really does come before a fool/fall ... :gag:


So why waste time and energy thinking about b'stards like that ... :suspect: ... far better things to do on a BH weekend ... :thinking: ... especially when the sun shines ... :D


You've got my vote and I would wager pretty much everyone else's on this here forum too ... :thumbs:




:p
 
Obviously I don't know you but just going on the thought, sense and respect in your post, you did exactly the right thing.

You may be sitting there wondering if you should have taken some action but I think you'd feel far far worse sat there writting a post saying, " I beat up a deserving guy in front of my son". :thumbs:
 
Forbiddenbiker said:
I shall do as ratty says, forget about pride, its overrated....

I'm trying. :D ;)
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Well to elaborate on the pride thing.

What's going to be thought of as the proudest thing to do?
Walk away(rise above it) from some idiot who'd obviously not got use of the family braincell that day?
Or to have got into a fight and looked the same sort of idiot yourself?

Stop wasting your time thinking about it. :thumbs:
 
If you were my husband/partner I would be proud of you right now. As mentioned above, you have shown your son that there are other ways than using violence by controlling your emotions - especially in front of him. Hopefully, in years to come he will remember this incident and will too walk away - it could save his life! You have my vote :thumbs:
 
Rog; :D Thats blinking nice thing for you to say Rog .. thanks .. Your right, I'm forgetting it now.

What fight... oh yes, that insignificant thing this morning. :lol:

I have a blinking big bruise on my arm that keeps reminding me though ... I real cartoon type bruise ...almost worth a photo I reckon. :lol:

Its working guys. :thumbs:
 
dazzajl said:
you'd feel far far worse sat there writting a post saying, " I beat up a deserving guy in front of my son". :thumbs:
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Good point. I would have been horrified to see a shocked look on his poor face afterwards .... sometimes though I wonder if boys do look at dads as heroes a little.


Ratty said:
Stop wasting your time thinking about it. :
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:thumbs: I'm trying but everyone keeps responding to my Post. :D

I don't mean that guys ...this post was a very good idea for my state of mind ..Your replies have been tops ..I'm quite Ok with it all now.

Thanks.

..and yes, thanks Gilly, thats a good point too ...hopefully My son will be considering my course of actions as a 'necessary' for of his protection... rather than just a cop-out.
 
sometimes though I wonder if boys do look at dads as heroes a little.
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Of course they do!
and you lived up to that worship like a true one.
 
You did the right thing Adam for a number of reasons including teaching a valuable lesson to your son that violence isn't always the answer and that you can walk away with only a dent to your pride. As others have said it could have gone horribly wrong, it doesn't matter how 'hard' you are, there is always someone out there who can better you, or even get a lucky blow in and that is not something you would want your son to witness.

I realise it's not easy (you sound very similar to me in that it takes a lot to get me going but when I do go...:cuckoo:) but you really do need to forget about this pondlife, he will get his comeuppance one day, maybe not from you but he will get it.

I had a similar situation with a neighbour a couple of years ago who was a bully towards his wife and children and he told Jan to f*** off one day when she asked him politely to moderate his extreme language as our children could hear it, funnily enough he wouldn't answer the door when I went round shortly afterwards which is probably a good thing in hindsight because the mood I was in meant I was capable of anything. I caught up with him a few weeks later and had a few quietwords, I didn't touch him but I left him in no doubt what would happen if there was a reptition of the incident. Funnily enough, the 'bully' nearly crapped himself and that gave me more satisfaction than if I had t*****d him. The point I suppose I'm trying to make is that if I had caught up with him on the day my boys would have seen a very disturbing incident that would probably have resulted in me being arrested etc and nothing is worth that.

You definitely did the right thing, don't lose any sleep over it. :thumbs:
 
I am a male parent of a (now) 16 yr old son, and there was one unfortunate occasion when I was provoked, over a period of several weeks, and then attacked - by a rather immature and naive man - who also has a son the same age as my son.

The incident happened almost 7 years ago, and I am proud of the way I handled myself. I was attacked, quite aggressively by this chap, who came at me when our kids had been invited to act as ball boys at a local football teams (quite large) game. The situation had been escalating over several weeks and it was obvious that this chap didn't like me, or my son; and that there would undoubtedly be some form of altercation.

He came at me, jumping over two rows of seats to where I was standing, shouting and throwing punches and thrashing at me wildly. I can proudly say that all I did in reaction to this was to keep my whits about me, I kept calm, and he never struck me with a single blow despite throwing I'd say at least 20 punches and thrashes. All I did was avoid by ducking and moving back.

I can assure you with 100% certainty that it was perfectly clear which one of us looked the total idiot, and which one of us looked the responsible parent.

My son admired me then, and I know still does today for the way I was able to react in such a calm and dignified manner, and how I walked away from the incident with the total and utter respect of all who were around me. The chap was dragged out by guards.

There was no way I was going to allow my son to see me involved in fighting, nor for him to see me humiliated.

So; my summary of your incident is that you did the right thing Forbiddenbiker, 100% the right thing.

PS - EDIT: Just as a fyi - the next time I saw that chap was about 24 months later when I walked into a Take-Away Curry house and again I was with my son at the time. The chap stood up, said hello to me and my son in a warm and friendly manner, held his hand out and shook my hand which I thought was a very gracious thing to do - obviously I honoured the gesture and shook his hand firmly. No probs since... :)
 
Good on you for being man enough to walk away - that earns more respect from me than if you had knuckled the guy, no matter how deserving he was.

It's hard to be a good parent, but I believe that you gave your son a very valuable lesson. Now forget about the whole thing and get on with enjoying your weekend ;)
 
dazzajl said:
Of course they do!
and you lived up to that worship like a true one.
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Not true I feel, but cheers anyway Dazz. ;)

Hacker said:
I had a similar situation with a neighbour a couple of years ago who was a bully towards his wife and children and he told Jan to f*** off one day when she asked him politely to moderate his extreme language as our children could hear it, funnily enough he wouldn't answer the door when I went round shortly afterwards which is probably a good thing in hindsight because the mood I was in meant I was capable of anything. I caught up with him a few weeks later and had a few quietwords, I didn't touch him but I left him in no doubt what would happen if there was a reptition of the incident. Funnily enough, the 'bully' nearly crapped himself and that gave me more satisfaction than if I had tw4tted him. The point I suppose I'm trying to make is that if I had caught up with him on the day my boys would have seen a very disturbing incident that would probably have resulted in me being arrested etc and nothing is worth that.
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Yeah mate, thats the reason I didn't go back, Id only ruin my own weekend and probably be sitting In a cell right now

I know just what you mean about the family threat bit, :cuckoo: time ... most men know not to go their!
At one point he did turn and thought about throwing a bottle at my son, I saw this and said something like "Throw that at my son and your dead" ...So he changed his mind, turned back, and threw it at me instead ... which seemed satisfactory at the time ... :shrug: ...daft init.


Cheers Colin. :)



Done me good to air my frustrations ...must do it more often. :D
 
You did the right thing Adam.

It took a much stronger person to walk away rather than get involved.

You've taught your son a valuable lesson about these things, even if doesn't appear so now, it will have sunk in!
 
Agree with all thats been said already.
You taught your son a pretty cool lesson today, and although it cant have been very comfortable for him to watch his dad deal with a situation like that, Im sure he is more aware than you realise that by you turning the other cheek, you were in actual fact protecting him. :hug:
 
If you had started with this kid, who sounds like he would have well and truly deserved it, what example is that setting your son?

You walked away, and did the right thing.

My kids are 10 and 11 I would always take them out of harms way, or out of the eye of violence...However without the kids there 1 on 1 you have to stick up for yourself!!!
 
If it were me, regardless of a son or not, I'd have walked away, i have the 'flight' gene as opposed the the 'fight' gene. But in every situation in my life like this were i've walked away from conflict i've always felt like you are now afterwards. "i could have had that bloke/I could have said this or done this".

As everyone has said, for your son you did the right thing. He may have wanted you to be the hero and to knock him crapless - but you taught him a valuable lesson that he will hopefully learn from in years to come.
 
Not sure you need any more pursuading after all these posts, but as a son (I mean, a kid son lol) I can say you did the right thing.
 
Male pride = Testosterone.
As you get older, you learn that any **** can throw a punch, but a man can walk away.
You did exactly what you should have done - you have a family to think of, and a life to give to them.
You now know, as all men need to learn, that big balls come from not being a **** like he was. Respect yourself for being a true man. If only all men could learn, the world might be a slightly better place.
As Inaglo said, you taught your son a big lesson, and he will look up to you more for it.
 
Dan Leach said:
All fights are easily avoidable, only people under 12 have any excuse to get in them...
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:annoyed: .... What are you saying exactly!

... Joke. ;) :D

--

Thanks everyone, you've been very supportive of my choice ..
I hope I did do the right thing, I not so sure to be honest.
I have bought up Danny to stand his ground and not let people push him around.. although he also knows that people are dangerous so its all best avoided I if he can. ...conflicting views, but he gets it I hope

I also know I'm right to be worried about what I may have done, He wasn't the biggest of chaps after all a forty something Rasta type with an attitude, against a well ... A stressed out, over taxed, penalty charge notice again, cut up, crashed into, stolen from, kept awake, god I'm sick of these idiots, me.
.. I have lost my head in the distant passed and had to deal with my stupid actions... Its really not nice to get that violent, makes me feel sick afterwards, I'm sure some of you guys know what I mean.

..so saying that, I feel quite good about it now.

hmmm.

Thanks guys :thumbs:.. too many responses to reply to you all, forgive me please.

I'm fine now, just needed some moral support initially. :):thumbs:
 
forbiddenbiker has it about right. what would your offspring have thought of you in that situation.i have been in situations where i could have cheerfully belted the s*** out of someone ,but had the sense to walk away.
violence has a nasty habit of escalating too.you have to be REALY good to take a knife off someone.
l,m a former martial arts student , and our instructor always said , that , in a street situation ,the best way to win a fight is not to be there in the first place.walk away unless you have no alternative.
 
Forbiddenbiker said:
Thanks guys :thumbs:.. too many responses to reply to you all, forgive me please.

I'm fine now, just needed some moral support initially. :):thumbs:
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No forgiveness required, and glad to offer any support I could. Glad you're over it :)
 
Ta for that MM, I did reply to you and mini, but my submit reply got lost when my browser crashed. 'Very well done to you as well' I said.... you did well to shake his hand and not use it for embarrassing him I thought.

inaneredstripe said:
incidentally ,why " forbidden biker" ?
wont swmbo let you have one? we have six between us at the mo.
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:D Everyone thinks that I reckon but actually it was a girl friend who banned me from riding bikes because I hurt myself and she had to look after me...

I have about 4 and 5/8ths motorcycles :thinking: ...some of them are in various boxes. ;) ... all for just me too. :D

...thats only cos I have no one to share them with. :(
 
You did the right thing, (you know in yourself that you could have splatted him good and proper!) but that would not have changed him in the slightest, and so what if he saw your indecision? you decided he wasn't worth the effort thats all! so do you give a **** what the **** ***** thinks of you? no?! GOOD :D :D :D :thumbs:
 
I too believe you did the right thing. Should you have been on your own... then it may be a different matter.

Your child looks up to you, you're his icon/role model. Is he old enough to know the difference between beating someone up after causing you grief (by throwing bottles etc) and someone accidently walking into you at a super market? If not, then it's not right for him to see his Father beating someone up.

Here's a story of mine. I saw a guy on a bike waiting outside of a Kebab shop on a Saturday night. He was eyeing up this girl, and I thought "What can he see?", then I saw it too. Her purse was sticking out of her back pocket. It was bright pink against her blue jeans.

I put my head over her shoulder and warned her. She felt her back pocket to make sure it was still there and left it.

It was a saturday night, so there were MANY drunk people in this taxi queue. I only had 2 pints because I had work early the next morning. Anyway, being sober... I kept an eye on the situation and told her she may want to put it in her bag or something.

At that moment my friend arrived with our chips so I turned my back. At that moment I felt the bike move behind me, and the girl was shouting... so, I planted a round house kick to his shoulder and he fell of the bike. We kept him there until the police arrived.

Guess who got ended up being charged with GBH... ME!
Anyway, the guy eventually dropped the charges and I was okay.

But I always find no matter how trained, or how right you are... you'll ALWAYS end up much worse off for ending a fight, even if you never started it.

I'm sure your kid is very proud to see his Dad maturely walking away from a fight :)
 
Ladybird said:
.. so what if he saw your indecision? you decided he wasn't worth the effort thats all! so do you give a **** what the **** ***** thinks of you? no?! GOOD
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:D: No, you right LB, I couldn't give a damn what he thought, even though it got my goat at the time ...my only concern was what my Danny thought about the whole thing.
Being Tuesday today, I've been out for supper with Danny as usual, and he noticed the bruises on my arm etc .. and that instigated the fight conversation again ... He went on to say he was pleased that I didn't beat the guy up, even though he was expecting me too, (not really sure why he expected me too but hey :shrug: ) ... he said was proud that I decided to leave, rather than smash the guy which would have been the easy option in his eyes (mine too I guess) I'm confident now that he understood my decision.

I'm feeling quite good about it now. :) ... I was worrying about nothing, as many you saw in my words. :thumbs:


Amnesia180 said:
... so, I planted a round house kick to his shoulder and he fell of the bike. We kept him there until the police arrived.

Guess who got ended up being charged with GBH... ME!
Anyway, the guy eventually dropped the charges and I was okay.
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Phew, That was close eh.
I secretly admire your actions nonetheless though. ;)

Is all to easy to go over the top, but then doing something half hearted isn't going to help and may even cause you to be wounded... and in todays world of pathetic justice (In these areas anyway) I'm sure most of us in similar situations would feel fully justified and convinced our moral judgments of whats right or wrong is perfectly adiquidate in such blatantly criminal situations....
... We are, after all, good citizens, well intentioned etc, and we Know its important to be part of the solution rather than not give a damn, which helps to improve nothing but does aid our society's moral decline.

:shrug: ... its all going historically backwards IMO! :D
 
Hi,
I was a Prison Officer for some years [and a magistrate before that] I have lost count of the times I have seen people in nick 'who had lost their rag' but just the once gov! The sad reality is that many over react to situations and then in effect become the aggressor in the eyes of the law.
You did the right and most difficult thing and walked away. You showed your son restraint and good sense. In my previous profession violence rarely 'sorts' anything and always has a consequence. I have seen more violence[and the consequences of it] than most will see in 50 lifetimes. Its never good, seldom justified and often leads to more.
How about grassing him up to the Police? Chucking a bottle is a serious offence particularly as the liitle scrout probably had 'previous'!

Regards,

Dunc
 
LadyLens said:
LadyLens, Ladybird and Lady Pitstop....all just too many Ladies for you poor, easily confused fellas!! :lol:

Marcel, can I change my name please? :p
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You all kidding yourselves right ... :suspect: ... Ladies ... :shrug: ... wishful thinking or what ... :coat:






OJ ... of course ... :thinking:
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