Should I have handled this differently?

Russ77

Russ77

Suspended / Banned
Messages
3,093
Name
Russ
Edit My Images
Yes
I was at my niece's 6th Birthday party yesterday and as usual spent most of the afternoon snapping away, Lucy had about 20 of her friends from school there.

Put about 40 or so photos on facebook, set the security to friends only. One of the Mums I went to school with tagged a couple of the other Mums in the photos their kids were in.

Then I got a message from one of the other Mums around 10pm last night......

• Parent
can you take my kids photos off facebook please.

Me
• Hi Stephanie, which kids are yours?

Parent
• first two pictures on top row.

Me
• Sorry..... I think they must be displaying differently on my facebook, can you send me the URL for one of the pictures with them in and which of the kids are yours.

Parent
• i dont know what you mean, so best take them all off

Me
• Sorry, I'm not taking all of the pictures of my niece's birthday party down. I have family all over the UK and in Australia who can't be at the party so this is the only way they get to see Lucy at her Birthday party.

I am more than happy to make sure your children aren't visible in the photos, can you describe the photos and where your kids are, what they're wearing/doing?

Parent
• you didnt ask my permission for my childrens photos to be taken and you certainly didnt ask my permission for them to go on facebook. sort it out or i will seek legal advice

Me
• I haven't once refused to remove your children from these photos and I will "sort it out" once you tell me which children belong to you.

This is a private family party and it's quite normal and legal to put photos from such events on facebook.

I totally appreciate that you don't want your children on on facebook, that's completely fine. I have asked you several times to provide details of which children are yours and so far all you've done is threaten me with legal action.

This album is only visible to my friends and I guess is only visible to you because Sarah (who I went to school with) tagged you in one of the photos?
Click to expand...

These messages started around 22:00 and went on for about an hour, too late for me to contact my sister-in-law and find out which kids were hers.

I messaged the other Mum who managed to identify the kids in question but by that time it was gone 23:00 and I wanted to got to bed so I just locked down the album and will edit out the kids tonight.

Don't get me wrong, if she'd said the kids were under a care order (or the like) I'd have taken all of the photos down without question but I very much doubt this is the case here.

As far as I'm aware, I've done nothing wrong as in I'm within my rights to take the photos and put them on facebook and have offered to remove this woman's kids from the photos once she tells me which kids they are..... or am I missing something?
 
Last edited:
I think you have done as much as you can Russ.

If I am ever in a situation like this, I always say 'Yes' from the outset... I then ask them for a contact number so we can identify the images on the phone rather than txt or email... On the phone is less likely to allow mis-interpretation. By you phoning them, it appears you are making the effort to help them out.

As much as the law is on your side,the very last thing you want is anyone pointing the finger, especially where photography and young kids are concerned.

I hope it pans out well for you.
 
Tugster said:
I think you have done as much as you can Russ.

If I am ever in a situation like this, I always say 'Yes' from the outset... I then ask them for a contact number so we can identify the images on the phone rather than txt or email... On the phone is less likely to allow mis-interpretation. By you phoning them, it appears you are making the effort to help them out.

As much as the law is on your side,the very last thing you want is anyone pointing the finger, especially where photography and young kids are concerned.

I hope it pans out well for you.
Click to expand...

To be honest, if it wasn't 10pm then I'd have probably gone that route, my 6am alarm clock was getting nearer and all I wanted to do was get to bed :lol:
 
That's the problem with the tagging system. It seems to circumvent the album settings to some degree.

Untag her so she can't see them. That might be simpler!
 
She's a Butch, that kind of thing gets my back up and I have zero tolerance for those types of people.

I'd have told her it's a public affair and i'm free to take pictures of whatever I want (bar indecency etc) and to go seek legal advice!

...but that's me, you handled it as best you could.

I still think she needs some lessons in manors though!
 
srichards said:
That's the problem with the tagging system. It seems to circumvent the album settings to some degree.

Untag her so she can't see them. That might be simpler!
Click to expand...

For now I have untagged her and anyone else who isn't on my friends list and I've blocked the other Mum from viewing the album until I can edit the photos. (I did explain to the other Mum the situation and she was cool about it)

Called my Sister in Law to give her the heads up and the woman had already text her..... apparently she is a "funny bundle" :lol:

I did want to reply along the lines of "You were happy to leave your kids at a house for a couple of hours where there were 10-15 "strangers" yet you seem more concerned about a few pictures on facebook?" ..... but decided that could seem a little antagonistic ;)
 
Last edited:
Phil Young said:
She's a Butch, that kind of thing gets my back up and I have zero tolerance for those types of people.

I'd have told her it's a public affair and i'm free to take pictures of whatever I want (bar indecency etc) and to go seek legal advice!

...but that's me, you handled it as best you could.

I still think she needs some lessons in manors though!
Click to expand...

I agree Phil, the trouble is my sister in law will have to see her at the school everyday so I don't want any fallout there.

I think I will be making use of "blurring" in photoshop tonight so just her kids aren't visible. Yes it's a lot more work than just removing photos but there's a principle at stake here!
 
Russ77 said:
I agree Phil, the trouble is my sister in law will have to see her at the school everyday so I don't want any fallout there.

I think I will be making use of "blurring" in photoshop tonight so just her kids aren't visible. Yes it's a lot more work than just removing photos but there's a principle at stake here!
Click to expand...

Sad "smiley" faces over those of her kids, problem solved and it makes her look silly.....
 
Russ, I think you did exactly the right thing imo and handled it very well, it's easy to get annoyed at these things, but never does you any good in the long run. Just remove the pictures and re-open the album for the less paranoid parents to enjoy :thumbs:
 
I must seem strange as well then - I hate having my photo taken but at a family wedding it was unfortunately unavoidable. Some of my family put them on facebook and I asked them to take them off, which they did. I also decline to accept any "family" links there, I think it is easy enough to find out about people without making it easier still. Due to how I feel I always try to get written permission - often model releases - of other people before I post them anywhere.
 
Russ77 said:
I think I will be making use of "blurring" in photoshop tonight so just her kids aren't visible. Yes it's a lot more work than just removing photos but there's a principle at stake here!
Click to expand...

I would do that too.

Pointless paranoia IMHO.
 
I would've done the same as you, be civil and try to help. Although I probably would've gotten very annoyed by the lack of help and stupidity from the parent and said something I would regret later on, much later on.
 
Last edited:
Flash In The Pan said:
Sad "smiley" faces over those of her kids, problem solved and it makes her look silly.....
Click to expand...

Love it!!! However with discretion being the better part of valour and for my sis-in-law's sake I think I'll just go with the boring option of blurring :lol:
 
Blurring is boring. Photoshop in kitten's faces over theirs so they're unrecognisable. I was going to suggest pig faces but that might be considered mean :)
 
Kerioak said:
I must seem strange as well then - I hate having my photo taken but at a family wedding it was unfortunately unavoidable. Some of my family put them on facebook and I asked them to take them off, which they did. I also decline to accept any "family" links there, I think it is easy enough to find out about people without making it easier still. Due to how I feel I always try to get written permission - often model releases - of other people before I post them anywhere.
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel if you just don't like seeing yourself in photos, I'm exactly the same and whilst I haven't asked anyone to remove photos of me, I have untagged myself in a few :lol:

I'm not sure though what anyone's going to find out about a couple of kids at a party. OK, I suppose one scenario is that they might have meant to be somewhere else (i.e. at their Dad's for the weekend and Mum lied about where they are) and whilst the woman doesn't *have* to give me a reason, decency, courtesy and common sense would surely mean the initial approach might have been better if she's explained the reason for remove, what photos her kids were in and what they looked like/what they were wearing?

As I've made it clear, I'm more than happy to comply but not at the expense of taking EVERY photo down.
 
srichards said:
Blurring is boring. Photoshop in kitten's faces over theirs so they're unrecognisable. I was going to suggest pig faces but that might be considered mean :)
Click to expand...

HAHA!!! Love it!

I think she may still use the counter argument that the kids may be identified by their clothing........ :bang:
 
Russ77 said:
HAHA!!! Love it!

I think she may still use the counter argument that the kids may be identified by their clothing........ :bang:
Click to expand...

Change the clothing. Make it 1970s tank top and orange flares :D
 
Wow, what a great attitude she has! I can't see what else you could possibly have done in terms of extending courtesy to her.
 
Well done,your respose has been very good,good luck with how it goes :)


ps i hate that facebook tagging :shake:
 
simonblue said:
Well done,your respose has been very good,good luck with how it goes :)


ps i hate that facebook tagging :shake:
Click to expand...

It's only this that's made me look at it in a little more depth.

I noticed there's now an option where the album is available to your friend only BUT if they tag one of their friends, that photo is then visible to all of the tagged friend's friends.... (I think that works :lol:) hence this woman could see the photos and then so could all of her own friends.
 
Like a lot of others on here I also untag myself in a lot of pictures on facebook, but thats mainly because I'm f.ugly :lol:

I think you handled it perfectly and the blurring option is definetly the way to go, all the other parents who then see the pics will no doubt wonder why and ask around to find out why 2 kids are blurred out. This will in the end will make you the good guy and the mother look like a fool. Far better that way than getting into a slagging match over it. :thumbs:
 
Personally, I would let her go to the trouble and time/expense of seeking legal counsel.won't cost youa penny but could cost her a bundle...
 
Post them in the 'how would you edit this?' thread. ;)
 
Russ77 said:
HAHA!!! Love it!

I think she may still use the counter argument that the kids may be identified by their clothing........ :bang:
Click to expand...

Highly unlikely unless she has all the kids clothing custom made.

Another vote for sad smilie face :( edit :thumbs:
 
Phil Young said:
I'd have told her it's a public affair and i'm free to take pictures of whatever I want (bar indecency etc) and to go seek legal advice!
Click to expand...

Careful with that line of argument.. was it really a public event? ie. on public property with unhindered public access? Was there any reasonable expectation of privacy?


This isn't perhaps the situation to protest photographers rights, it was a 6 year olds birthday. Take it on the chin, take down or face blur the photos in question and just respect that some people don't like their image or that of their children on the web (they shouldn't have to give a reason). Facebook is such a crude tool, and you've already described how the tagging system has breached the privacy protection you thought you had put in place.

It was different when all you had was an album of prints from Boots in an album, and society has not yet full caught up with what Facebook and social media means for personal privacy.
 
Alastair said:
Careful with that line of argument.. was it really a public event? ie. on public property with unhindered public access? Was there any reasonable expectation of privacy?


This isn't perhaps the situation to protest photographers rights, it was a 6 year olds birthday. Take it on the chin, take down or face blur the photos in question and just respect that some people don't like their image or that of their children on the web (they shouldn't have to give a reason). Facebook is such a crude tool, and you've already described how the tagging system has breached the privacy protection you thought you had put in place.

It was different when all you had was an album of prints from Boots in an album, and society has not yet full caught up with what Facebook and social media means for personal privacy.
Click to expand...

Another reason I've used a softly softly approach. Whilst most reasonable people would just say "I don't want my kids on FB, they were in photos ABC and where wearing XYZ" which is completely fair enough and I don't expect a reason to be provided, someone that doesn't know what a URL is and thinks they do something "legal" about it is also the sort of person that is likely to start branding me a P**** too ;) Just waaaay too much ball ache for a kids party!

Tell you what was funny though....... their faces when a thunderstorm passed directly overhead and they were eating their party food under a big gazebo :lol:
 
To be honest I'd probably replied with that I hoped her children were taught more manors and to try asking again but being a bit more polite.

But then that's just me and my friends and family know how blunt I can be in the face of rudeness and would back me up regardless if I showed them the messages.

That said I think you've handled it well, I'd just blur out the kids faces as mentioned so that the mum looks stupid.
 
Alastair said:
It was different when all you had was an album of prints from Boots in an album, and society has not yet full caught up with what Facebook and social media means for personal privacy.
Click to expand...

This is a very important point and is the root cause of most of these debates and what has completely changed the attitude of people and their anti photo stances.
However, it is clearly not going away so compromises/understanding need to be made on both sides.
 
Knowing how kids like seeing their photos on the tinterweb, I feel sorry for the child in question.

"Why can't I see the party photos mummy?"
 
I have had a couple of requests similar to yours in the past, albeit I have not been threatened with any legal action. Funny thing is and I know it is kind of wrong to say it ( But I will ) :D, it is usualy those with the ugliest kids that want em removed :lol:
 
Flash In The Pan said:
Sad "smiley" faces over those of her kids, problem solved and it makes her look silly.....
Click to expand...

THIS is definitely the thing to do :thumbs:

then she will be the one answering questions about why they were made to look like that etc :naughty:
 
Well handled. I would have no issues if I were in aside similar position as the parent.

Smilly face.... Classic and I suspect would really pi** her off. Funny as well :-)
 
I think you handled it well and blurring out is the way to go.

Maybe a phone call (if she would give you her number) would have sorted it quicker.

Reminds me of a situation a few years ago when my youngest was in primary school.

He wanted 4 mates over for a sleep over. I spoke to all the mums and asked them to bring spare clothes in a bag to school on the Friday.

I asked the one mum who I didn't know for her phone number in case I needed to call in an emergency.

She said 'well I don't give my number out to men I don't know'....

But she's happy for her 7 year old son to have a sleep over at his house !!!

I explained again that I would only use it in an emergency and she then gave it to me,
 
Time for another anecdote..

About three years ago I was on football tour with my youngest. The manager's wife was pregnant at the time. We got talking about photography and she was saying how she would never allow any photo of her child to be on FB because of 'whose out there'.

I then asked her if she would stop her child being in any type of group nursery/school photos as parents will scan the photos and put them on FB. There would be nothing she could effectively do.

She then went off the handle about how no photos will be on FB with her child in.

Roll forward 5 months and ever since, she posts at least 5 photos per week of her daughter on FB.

Oh how I would love to bring up the conversation we had.
----------------------------------------------------------------

I have been asked to remove a few photos of friends and have always done so straight away with no questions.
 
I've spoken to my sis-in-law..... In this woman's text this morning, apparently I was being awkward! Seriously!!! :bang:

Half of the pictures now look like edits from Crimewatch but I've done I needed to do now.

Hopefully it'll all blow over :)
 
Russ77 said:
Half of the pictures now look like edits from Crimewatch ...
Click to expand...

That could help some of the kids in later life! ... Get 'em used to fingerprinting too! :p :lol:


For what it's worth, I too think you were totally reasonable, quite right, and handled it pretty well!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top