Restaurant Descriptions

Cap'n Bill

Cap'n Bill

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Having had many a formal meal in my undistinguished professional career and being faced with another next week I find I'm getting cynical about restaurants that appear to charge by the number of adjectives in the menu description.

Please post your favourites, however cynical

A couple of mine

Description: Dew fresh morning picked

Meaning: after the morning irrigation and before lunch - 4 days ago - in Spain

Description: Fillet of corn fed Irish chicken in sage and onion confit served in a natural jus

Meaning: Marks and Spencer chicken breast with stuffing and gravy

Description: locally sourced wild game in red wine reduction

Meaning: Roadkill stewed in the dregs of carafes of house vinegar (sorry - wine)


Please add your own translations
wink.gif
 
Description: aged beef served with a side order of sliced potatoes covered in a crisp skin

Meaning: a forgotten bit of steak we found at the back of the fridge and chips
 
Cap'n Bill said:
Having had many a formal meal in my undistinguished professional career and being faced with another next week I find I'm getting cynical about restaurants that appear to charge by the number of adjectives in the menu description.

Please post your favourites, however cynical

A couple of mine

Description: Dew fresh morning picked

Meaning: after the morning irrigation and before lunch - 4 days ago - in Spain

Description: Fillet of corn fed Irish chicken in sage and onion confit served in a natural jus

Meaning: Marks and Spencer chicken breast with stuffing and gravy

Description: locally sourced wild game in red wine reduction

Meaning: Roadkill stewed in the dregs of carafes of house vinegar (sorry - wine)


Please add your own translations
wink.gif
Click to expand...
This nonsense has taken hold everywhere even the humble crisp. You can't just have salt and vinegar anymore it has to be sea salt and cider vinegar.
 
Bloody food snobbery, annoys the hell out of me! :mooning:

De-constructed, (eg a cheesecake, or a meat pie, or a pizza, or ......) I mean WTF? :wacky: I thought a chef/cook actually made things, not give YOU the ingredients separately on a plate. Lazy feckers! (n)

Bouillon = Broth
A rich dark ju reduction made with the meat juices .......It's GRAVY :banghead:



Some of the wine snobs were surpassed by whisky snobs and craft beer experts, but the gin snobs now seem to be vying to purchase the most obscure drink on offer. :notworthy:


Gourmet, just means expensive & some of these pretentious PUB restaurants use silly food descriptions to either charge more than they should, or to cover up the fact that the chef/cook doesn't relly know what they're doing! :punch:

I think this must be used a lot in the food industry; http://phrasegenerator.com/food :facepalm:

Even the supermarkets are at it with their sun-blushed tomatoes. :rolleyes:

 
Pulled Pork
Didn't David Cameron get in trouble for that?

Lamb (hind) shank
The bit I used to cut off and throw to the dog
 
Cobra said:
Pulled Pork
Didn't David Cameron get in trouble for that?

Lamb (hind) shank
The bit I used to cut off and throw to the dog
Click to expand...

Nowt wrong with lamb shanks.
It's just the bottom of a leg.
Only thing that annoys me is the price now, when it used to be dirt cheap...but that's poncy food trends for you.
Still bloody tasty. :-)
 
viv1969 said:
Nowt wrong with lamb shanks.
It's just the bottom of a leg.
Only thing that annoys me is the price now, when it used to be dirt cheap...but that's poncy food trends for you.
Still bloody tasty. :)
Click to expand...


We used to have slow cooked lamb shanks every couple of weeks, and I cannot remember the last time we had them:( Maybe the price will go back down, as things like beef cheeks and beef short ribs go up in price?
 
As part of my "looking for more things to get angry about" series, you should be blaming the customers who fall for it, and think all this posh talk makes the food somehow better. They are the reason restaurants think they can get away with that guff. And charge YOU more!
So celebrate the down-to-earth, honest-to-goodness, back-to-basics, bangers-n-mash type of patron. Just avoid those places if you can, or leave no tip.
 
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Oven ready turkey. Do they train it at the farm to open the door and walk in?
 
Cobra said:
Pulled Pork
Didn't David Cameron get in trouble for that?

Lamb (hind) shank
The bit I used to cut off and throw to the dog
Click to expand...
Leave the lambs out of it hissy ,I have to live in wales .and my wellies are muddy enough alreadyo_O
 
rjbell said:
This nonsense has taken hold everywhere even the humble crisp. You can't just have salt and vinegar anymore it has to be sea salt and cider vinegar.
Click to expand...
#
the "hand cooked" ones are much better though:rolleyes:
 
Crunchy Frog
Inspector: Then we have number four. Number four: Crunchy Frog.
Mr. Hilton: Yes.
Inspector: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere?
Mr. Hilton: Yes, a little one.
Inspector: What sort of frog?
Mr. Hilton: A...a *dead* frog.
Inspector: Is it cooked?
Mr. Hilton: No.
Inspector: What, a RAW frog?!?
Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.
Inspector: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!
Mr. Hilton: What else?
Inspector: Well, don't you even take the bones out?
Mr. Hilton: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?

(Python)
 
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