Parenting 101 - A Beginners Guide!

Phil1974

Phil1974

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Ok, not sure if this has been done before but I thought we could post up some useful (and not so useful) tips for new or prospective parents. This may be good for hints an tips or (more probably) put you off for life. So, here's my first tip, learnt recently :gag:
1. Never, never try and wash vomit from clothing with hot water!!! The smell is magnified to an unbearable level!

Over to you...
 
Never ever let your grandchild sit in your Porsche on the day the new buyer is coming to collect it. Not unless Milk stains on the dash board is the new in thing to have.
 
Never quickly leave a room with a toddler and a full pack of wet wipes and expect to come back to all the wet wipes still in the packet.
 
Never leave a gallon tin of gloss paint at the top of the stairs in a newly carpeted house where a child lives DESPITE him being out all day and him being unable to climb even one flight of stairs let alone 3.
The nanny came back with said child in the 5 minutes I was out getting some lunch and I returned to find him and 2 flights of stairs freshly painted white. 3 minutes later his millionaire father returned and found it all rather funny and confessed that he didn't like the carpet and was rather glad to be able to get rid of it.
I doused the child with white spirits and went home early.
 
dont let your wee one out of sight for a minute and CERTAINLY don't forget to put the lid back on the sudacreme....see pic LOL

http://http://i1213.photobucket.com/albums/cc467/kennymck/sudacreme/charliemeetssudacreme.jpg

charliemeetssudacreme.jpg
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Never ever take nappy off child ( especially male ) without expecting a water fountain. At 3 in morning it's a right pain having to bath said child. It is enough to make you WISH you had used a condom :bang::bang::bang:
 
Don't buy any baby items before 28 weeks...nothing..nada.
 
Never show your babies how to use the shower head during bath time.

Never mix water stain preventative ceiling paint with white paint without reading the warming details when hiding the damaged caused by the flooded bathroom

And certainly never do any of the above when your visiting the in-laws...

:eek: :shake:
 
Never be surprised at your child's ability to regurgitate choice language at the most inappropriate times.

The most important tip though is seriousness is never take anything your child does personally. They're doing the best they can with the tools they have and your frustration is just teaching them that that's how to cope with stuff. Also never give yourself a guilt trip when you inevitably forget this. :)
 
cameradaft said:
dont let your wee one out of sight for a minute and CERTAINLY don't forget to put the lid back on the sudacreme....see pic LOL
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Sorry, this one really made me laugh as I remember my friend posting pictures a while back of her son (my Godson) as a toddler covered in Sudacrem too after she had put him in his cot but left the pot with the lid not quite on near him. She soon learnt that he was good at pulling himself up and reaching for it :lol:

Apparently it was my fault as he's my Godson - I was at work at the time :lol:
 
These are good, I'm taking notes :)

Keep them coming...
 
Never show your 3 year old how to pee in the garden, he may get told off at nursery for doing the same
 
AllyB999 said:
Never ever take nappy off child ( especially male ) without expecting a water fountain. At 3 in morning it's a right pain having to bath said child. It is enough to make you WISH you had used a condom :bang::bang::bang:
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I'm not sure its practical or kind to use a condom instead of a nappy - won't you just end up with a balloon full of crap :thinking:
 
if your best mate's child is getting bullied at school , don't give him sage advice like " Just punch [the bully] in the face " or at least not without adding the proviso that its unwise to do this in the middle of school assembly :eek: :lol:

(in the aftermath when asked why he had jumped on top of the bully knocking over two rows of chairs and pummeled the living daylights out of him whilst screaming a variety of choice language, during the headmasters address, the kid concerned said " 'Uncle' Pete told me to do it " :suspect: :exit: )

Looking on the brightside the bully hasn't touched him since
 
big soft moose said:
if your best mate's child is getting bullied at school , don't give him sage advice like " Just punch [the bully] in the face " or at least not without adding the proviso that its unwise to do this in the middle of school assembly :eek: :lol:

(in the aftermath when asked why he had jumped on top of the bully knocking over two rows of chairs and pummeled the living daylights out of him whilst screaming a variety of choice language, during the headmasters address, the kid concerned said " 'Uncle' Pete told me to do it " :suspect: :exit: )

Looking on the brightside the bully hasn't touched him since
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:lol::lol::lol:

did something similar when i was 11 and was getting bullied....

punched him (12yr old) very hard in the face, sent him sprawling then ran like hell to grandads....

Got hauled into headmasters office the next day....

"You nearly broke Mark Stalkers nose yesterday"
"If he tries to push me into a hedge again, next time I will break it!"

Never heard a peep from him since.....
 
dont pick you little one up when he is not well

our little man couldnt stop vommiting was taken to hospital but i couldnt get out of work at the time and wasnt life threatening

as i arrived in the hospital 13 th floor hate the place he was crying when i walked into the room so i picked him up next thing i was full of sick very badly about 5 litres come out it just didnt bloody stop

the worst thing they just fed him a yoghurt so stank so badly

and it was a mass que to go back down in the lift i actualy found it quiet funny but didnt look good or smelt very good after
 
Buy this Our boy now wakes up at a wonderfully delightful 8.30am rather than 6am!

Real nappies. Seem to work better, more cost effective over the long run, more environmentally friendly and there are quite a few links between disposable nappies and their detriment to male fertility. :suspect:

Baby Massage and Baby Yoga are both excellent for the baby with good health benefits.

After much perseverance we found gripe water to be excellent for getting the baby to burp after a feed. Won't work for every baby, but the focus is on perseverance and to keep trying different things until you find what works best to get that all so important burp! lol
 
i can vouch for the sudocrem tip, have a rug that still has stains on it that wont come out! also have pics of our son after the incident, sudocrem doesnt make for very good hair gel!

never underestimate the ability of a young boy to pee on you when you open his nappy, even if your not the one changing him and your at the head end keeping his attention, i got a fountain of pee right to the middle of the forehead!
 
You also need to learn to not get embarrassed easily.
My two year loves to shout out "Clock, clock" whenever he sees a clock or watch. Not such a bad thing I hear you say? Unfortunately he can't pronounce the letter L yet so when we were in a restaurant recently they had a rather large clock on the wall to which my little darling kept pointing at and shouting "Daddy, big cock!"
 
When your partner's son turns 9 buy him some of these:D

Make sure he's a quick healer first though.....:shrug:
 
nigpd said:
When leaving the house to go to work in the morning, never pick up your baby to kiss him/her goodbye unless you enjoy a last minute change of suit and spending £17 on a dry cleaning bill :puke:
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This is so true. Similarly "quickly changing a nappy" before dashing out the door is almost guaranteed to result in a fountain of squirty poo or wee.

Maybe most importantly, in the early days remember your wife is more than a baby caring unit. Buy her some flowers, get the grandparents to babysit every so often and get out for meal.
 
Phil1974 said:
You also need to learn to not get embarrassed easily.
My two year loves to shout out "Clock, clock" whenever he sees a clock or watch. Not such a bad thing I hear you say? Unfortunately he can't pronounce the letter L yet so when we were in a restaurant recently they had a rather large clock on the wall to which my little darling kept pointing at and shouting "Daddy, big cock!"
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My nephews use to do the same, twins it was hilarious! Fork also turned into a slightly less polite word!
 
My serious advice would be to take all advice with a pinch of salt, all babies are different, what works for one will not necessarily for another. If you get stresses about something post it on a forum, you'll find loads of other people have been or are going through the same thing - you are not alone! And generally things get a lot better after 6 months!
 
When your 5 year old says one of his friends said a naughty word in class today, never ask what the word was. It's a real moral dilemma whether to tell your son off or not when he says a word beginning with 'F' right after you've asked him to. We settled with a quiet chat and the agreement, 'never in front of mum'!
 
gman said:
Buy this Our boy now wakes up at a wonderfully delightful 8.30am rather than 6am!

Baby Massage and Baby Yoga are both excellent for the baby with good health benefits.
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Just how does that clock thing work? A Small child has no concept of stars and moon or sun...

Hmm we had a local health visitor come and show us baby massage, made me want to dress in corduroy and hug a tree whilst wearing non animal product shoes...

What got me though was when questioning "how it worked" and what were the benefits for the gruesome twosome..... "well it just does, doesn't it?" "Erm no"

Phil1974 said:
You also need to learn to not get embarrassed easily.
My two year loves to shout out "Clock, clock" whenever he sees a clock or watch. Not such a bad thing I hear you say? Unfortunately he can't pronounce the letter L yet so when we were in a restaurant recently they had a rather large clock on the wall to which my little darling kept pointing at and shouting "Daddy, big cock!"
Click to expand...

Oh I'm so going to have to accidentally teach them that...

akr said:
My nephews use to do the same, twins it was hilarious! Fork also turned into a slightly less polite word!
Click to expand...

:lol::lol:
 
big soft moose said:
if your best mate's child is getting bullied at school , don't give him sage advice like " Just punch [the bully] in the face " or at least not without adding the proviso that its unwise to do this in the middle of school assembly :eek: :lol:

(in the aftermath when asked why he had jumped on top of the bully knocking over two rows of chairs and pummeled the living daylights out of him whilst screaming a variety of choice language, during the headmasters address, the kid concerned said " 'Uncle' Pete told me to do it " :suspect: :exit: )

Looking on the brightside the bully hasn't touched him since
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I had exactly that problem. Really should've emphasised "when the teacher isn't looking". :-/
 
Lynton said:
Just how does that clock thing work? A Small child has no concept of stars and moon or sun...
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I'm not sure really lol. I think it's very basic conditioning relying on the colour, where if they wake up before it's turned into the sun then you don't go in until the sun has come up (you know because you've set the time it changes). So they are supposed to learn that if they wake up before the sun then they may as well go back to sleep until it does come up because nobody is going come in beforehand. But for some strange reason our son seemed to work with it straight away! lol Spooky.


Lynton said:
Hmm we had a local health visitor come and show us baby massage, made me want to dress in corduroy and hug a tree whilst wearing non animal product shoes...

What got me though was when questioning "how it worked" and what were the benefits for the gruesome twosome..... "well it just does, doesn't it?" "Erm no"

Oh I'm so going to have to accidentally teach them that...

:lol::lol:
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Try private, although you have to find a good one as it's becoming quite popular with those looking for a quick buck than actually being passionate about it.
 
My advise would be that if your little one is ill keep going back to the doctors until you get the right result!

Our Doctor kept diagnosing my newborn with reflux (which seems to be the in thing at the moment). At 14 weeks he was diagnosed by a doctor at hospital with 2 holes in his heart and had gone into severe heart failure.

He was admitted right away, spent 3 weeks in a normal ward, slowly getting worse, before being moved to intensive care in London. He had major heart surgery on Monday at GOSH, and is now recovering.

So always make sure you are happy with what the doctors are saying! Mums know their babies best!! Even in intensive care my misses tells the nurses what he needs.
 
Dan_H said:
My advise would be that if your little one is ill keep going back to the doctors until you get the right result!

Our Doctor kept diagnosing my newborn with reflux (which seems to be the in thing at the moment). At 14 weeks he was diagnosed by a doctor at hospital with 2 holes in his heart and had gone into severe heart failure.

He was admitted right away, spent 3 weeks in a normal ward, slowly getting worse, before being moved to intensive care in London. He had major heart surgery on Monday at GOSH, and is now recovering.

So always make sure you are happy with what the doctors are saying! Mums know their babies best!! Even in intensive care my misses tells the nurses what he needs.
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I'm not a parent (yet) but this is something my Dad always says.....

I was born a month premature and had jaundice so spent the first week of two of my life in an incubator, by all accounts I was pretty poorly.

At 4 months old I became unwell and developed a rash. Over the course of a week I saw 3 different doctors. The rash was put down to flea bites from my Grandparents' dogs. Luckily the 3rd doctor was on the ball and correctly diagnosed Meningitus..... turns out it was type C :eek:

The doctor at the hospital told my parents "*IF* he lives, he'll be blind, deaf, brain damaged or a combination of those conditions", at one point they wanted the chaplin to read me my last rights but Mum refused to give up hope.

Well thankfully I made a full recovery (although those that know me might disagree where brain damage is concerned :lol:) however if Mum & Dad hadn't kept on at the doctors then I may not have been as lucky.

As Dan said, don't be fobbed off and trust your gut instinct!
 
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