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evotwo

evotwo

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Paul
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This may not be a subject that should be posted here but I could really do with the views of a broad cross section of the general public. (Sorry Mods if this is not appropriate, please remove)

Simple question would you let your son daughter of 17 sleep with a boyfriend/girlfriend of 4 months under your roof?
 
Would I let it happen, yes, because I would not be so naive to believe that if I stopped it under my roof that they wouldn't find somewhere else to sneak off to. I know what I was like at that age. At least under my roof I know that they are safe.

Would I be happy about it, no way.
 
Tough one, If you say no, they will more than likely do it anyway, if you say yes, then they probably will, or might not.

They will expect you to say no, so by saying yes may shock them and think, actually its no big deal. If you say no, they will either find somewhere else to do it which could cause all sorts of issues, or they will just do it under your roof anyway.
What would you rather, they do it in the safety of your house, or somewhere else like a park where there are all sorts of legal and saftey issues?
 
No - what they decided to do elsewhere would be up to them in the finale, (though I hope that I would have instilled good moral values in the first place), but they certainly wouldn't do it under my roof. For me to allow that would be a reflection on my moral standards that I would not allow.
 
Has to be an individual decision.
I have had no worries about friends staying over at our house since my daughter was 16. It has a lot to do with trust, I happen to trust my daughter.

And I also happen to believe that some people can sleep together without it always being about sex.
 
Not in the same room.

He can sleep on the sofa, spare room, floor of same sex sibling etc.

They will thank you for it, probably not until they have kids of their own, but they will.

I have 2 girls who are 5 and 7, and if they think they will have boyfriends before there thirties, let alone sleep overs before then they are much mistaken. OK, it won't be that old, but you know what I mean.

Although, I did stay over at my now wifes before we where married, it was when we had bean together for quite a while.

There is something about the "i'm having sex with your daughter" looks both before and after staying in the same room, which I am sure I didn't enjoy.
 
When I go to my gfs (admittedly in germany!) I have my own room. I appreciate and respect the fact that her parents allow me to come, and I get on well with them and her little brother. No wish to change that. :)
 
As I said earlier has to be an individuals decision. The title of the thread perhaps indicates The OP view on this.
 
I'd let them, at least I can leave subtle hints for them to use protection.... condoms on the pillows lol
 
Depends, I'd probably be inclined to say yes; it's over the legal minimum age limit too and by 17 most people have reached at least some level of maturity. It would depend on a load of other factors though, so I can't really give a definite answer.

If the chatter is anything to go by though, an alarming amount of people these days are having sex, regularly, long before they hit 16. I think if someone reaches 16 and has still managed to keep their todger in their pants then it is something of a miracle.
 
Not actually having any kids (at least that I know about) I have no idea how I'd react.

I would like to think that I'd let them, sleeping together does not always mean sex. I would hope that my parenting would have given them the skills to know that sex is special and should be part of a loving relationship (and should be done quietly if there are other people in the house).

However, if I'm honest I could see myself acting differently with a Daughter (No, what do you mean you have a boyfriend - I'll kill him :bat: :annoyed:) than with a Son (get in there my son ;)).
 
Yes - easy decision for me. As others have said, if you say no they will not give up, but do it in cars etc... and could be more risky. Morals are great but would rather have my daughter doing this in the house being safe rather than coming to me saying she is pregnant as there were no condoms in car.

I too remember my younger days, and I would not have given up if banned.
 
It's not like sex is a big bad evil thing either, just that a lot of people do it for doing it sake, before they've matured, before they're ready, bla bla
 
cambsno said:
Yes - easy decision for me. As others have said, if you say no they will not give up, but do it in cars etc... and could be more risky. Morals are great but would rather have my daughter doing this in the house being safe rather than coming to me saying she is pregnant as there were no condoms in car.

I too remember my younger days, and I would not have given up if banned.
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Simon, exactly my feelings.
 
cambsno said:
Yes - easy decision for me. As others have said, if you say no they will not give up, but do it in cars etc... and could be more risky. Morals are great but would rather have my daughter doing this in the house being safe rather than coming to me saying she is pregnant as there were no condoms in car.

I too remember my younger days, and I would not have given up if banned.
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If they have condoms they have condoms, just cos they are doing it in a bedroom doesn't mean they have/use protection. A car is no different.

THe most dangerous thing about doing it in a car is getting cold (can you imagine it in this weather) or getting nicked.

If your child has there head screwed on, then they are not going to have sex without protection. If you know that your daughter is in a sexual relationship would you go as far as getting them the Pill? (I know they can get it from pretty much anyone as soon as they are insecondary school if they want to....another debate)

Lets be honest they will still have sex in your house, just when your out, (recalls having to run around the house when girlfriends parents car pulled up unexpectantly, gathering clothes as I ran to her room...) but it is the principle of it in my opinion.

Surely a serious sit down chat needs (needed) to have taken place before things get to this stage so that they understand you opinions, understand actions have consequences and that sex(whilst fun) is not something to be rushed into.

It's not cut and dry, but I don't buy the whole "I'd rather it be in my house than somewhere else", is that not the line for drink/drugs? where safety is more of an issue.
 
as a 20yo male I have distinct memories (including running out the back because there was a car on the drive) so think it would be awesome if that was just allowed. I mean as long as you use preventative measures (preferably ones with redundancies :D) its allll gooooood

and as a father (or in my case uncle) you get to be in charge of intimidation I have a really big axe and am keeping my eyes open for a machete to put 'blood' on but I've got a good 6 years :D
 
If your son/daughter has any respect for you they will appreciate your views and will not seek to coerce you into allowing something that offends you.
If on the other hand he/she is stupid enough to be reckless they will be reckless whether you allow it at home or not.
 
What's wrong with sleeping together :shrug: It's when they start shagging that you should be concerned :D
 
Not that I'd approve, but by the time they ask about a sleep over they've probably did the deed anyway.:suspect:
 
When I was 17 and had a GF of 16 I was allowed to stay in the same room - we had been going out a while though and it was the GF that was sensible.

You see she thought it would be wrong to 'do the deed' while at home, fine to share a bed but no nooky.

She was a great girl, she had her morals and respect though - different story when she stayed at my Mum's though ;)
 
Got to say no to them sharing the same room. Stay by all means but in another room. Sorry about my old fashioned views but that's me :)
 
Interesting :)

My view

The title of the thread perhaps indicates The OP view on this.
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Yes I think that is a fair comment, I think in the interests of being modern we have pushed it that way. I don't think in pushing it that way we have actually gained anything.

Looks like a father/daughter conflict
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No not at all, its a father stepson thing with one eye on where my daughter comes in all this and a realisation that the girlfriend is someones daughter.

I do wrestle with this for many reasons perhaps I think too much but where do you draw the line. How do I now tell the 15 year old daughter that "no your boyfriend is not sleeping with you" when she see's the 17 year old boy doing so. At what age is it ok, why is it ok, how long is a serious relationship, what makes it right?. They will do it anyway isn't in my opinion a reason to say fine do it here. What next jumping into the jacuzi together, whats your reason to say no to that if you say yes to the other? it seems I am expected to say fine treat my house like a hotel and have sex when ever and where ever you like.

Perhaps I am being naive but my thought process is the more difficult and uncomfortable the venue the less they will play, this then aids the independence gene ensuring that they build their own nest to play in :lol: I know that isn't how it is but I know it was one of the factors in me making my move away from home. I also know that supplying issues with many shades of grey makes things esculate to places that things shouldn't. Keep things nice and simple, black and white, lessens confusion.

I don't know, I just know that the word Respect is something that is rapidly disappearing from our society in every area. I would not have ever dreamed of asking my parents it was just not on the agenda, yet I could talk openly to both of them about all aspects of sex with no embarrassment at all.
 
Paul,

The thread title and OP combine to make a fairly loaded question.

My opinion is that it is down to the 17/16YO's in question and whether you believe them to be mature enough to make the decision themselves and be aware of the consequences (not just the negative ones either).

I can't answer as a parent, but when I was 17 and my parents first let a GF of mine stay over (actually inviting them to), I had huge respect for them for trusting me. It works both ways, and in my case, worked really well because my parents talked to me, a lot!

I can see why the 4 months would trouble you too, but it is a relationship, and at 17 a relatively stable one judging by time alone.

Have you spoken to your stepson about it or was it a bit of a shock request?
 
At that age, I went out with a girl and we used to spend alot of time at her parents house. Her parents went to her sisters once a week and we'd be at it. We'd get back to hers late at night after a night out, her parents would be asleep upstairs, we'd be at it down stairs on the sofa or living room floor, then I'd go home. We went on holiday together to a holiday cottage in Wales where you had to supply your own bed linen. Her mum refused point blank to supply bedding for a double bed, so my mum gave us some. Weather wasn't that great so we spent all day most days at it. After a few months I was alllowed to stay after constantly falling asleep on the sofa together but she'd be sent off to bed whilst I remained on the sofa. Then when they bought a z-bed, I slept in the spare room. Eventually we got to sleep in the same bed when ever we wanted. So I couldn't say no to my boys sleeping with their girlfriends under my roof so long as it was ok with the girls parents. Don't think my wife would be too happy with the situation, but she'd be a tad hypocritical if she tried to stop them.
 
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I can't answer as a parent but here's my opinion:
Yes I'd allow it. Bring them up in a responsible and educated way and there's no reason a 17 year old can't enjoy safe sex the same way a 20 something, or older for that matter, can. I always responded far better to my parents when they were being lenient with me than when they gave an outright no. It also helped form a far greater level of mutual respect than would have otherwise existed.

Also, as others have said, at 17 there's 101 places you can have sex if you want. Burying your head in the sand and refusing it at home will only mean they explore more else where. Let them start in a safe environment and have them know you're there to talk to should they need/want to.

Edit to add: Whatever decision you come to, especially if you let them share, make sure the other halves parents are in agreement...especially if it's your son and someone else's daughter (parents (read: dads) always seem to encourage their son and be over-protective of their daughters).
 
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Never read so much utter ******** in all my life...

Like to see all these yes let em sleep together posters react if they had a 17 yr old daughter and she wants to sleep with her boyfriend in next room to you.. some of the claptrap being posted might be OK on paper but the reality is you lying in your bed knowing your little girl is ten feet away... WITH HER BOYFRIEND!!!


The world is a loverly place on paper.... the reality is massively different..


And before you ask... if it was my son... probably OK .. Because I am not talking rights or wrongs or the morality of the situation.. I am talking about somehting completely different.

PS My 2 daughters are 18 and 23 now...... My 5 sons range from 14 to 34
 
KIPAX said:
Like to see all these yes let em sleep together posters react if they had a 17 yr old daughter and she wants to sleep with her boyfriend in next room to you.. some of the claptrap being posted might be OK on paper but the reality is you lying in your bed knowing your little girl is ten feet away... WITH HER BOYFRIEND!!!
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But that suggests you don't have a problem with the principle of them sleeping together. You just have a problem knowing they're doing it, especially being so close to you.

KIPAX said:
And before you ask... if it was my son... probably OK .. Because I am not talking rights or wrongs or the morality of the situation.. I am talking about somehting completely different.
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May I ask why you feel differently for your sons and daughters?





It's an interesting discussion. I hope you appreciate I'm not saying you're wrong, I'd just like to understand your perspective a little more.
 
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TriggerHappy said:
But that suggests you don't have a problem with the principle of them sleeping together. You just have a problem knowing they're doing it, especially being so close to you.
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Why have you twisted it to me having a problem? Its not a problem at all and I really dont understand why you would say that.. Its the way you feel as a parent of a teenage girl.. I love being a parent and I love caring... how you percieve that as me having a problem is...well ?? A complete lack of understanding on your part..


I guess there are some thing you cant explain... but please dont twist parental feelings into me having a problem. :)
 
I'm not sure.

My eldest daughter is coming up to 11 so I've all this ahead of me.

I'd like to think that by 17 she'll be clued up enough to know what she's doing regardless of my rules.

Would I let her boyfriend sleep over in her room ?..........

If they're already in a 'sexual' relationship then at 17 I would be OK with it (I think) providing the boy in question passed the grilling he'll no doubt get from me.

Thinking back to how I was at that age - If 'sleeping over' was because they lived in different towns and it was a case of there being a good reason why the partner was staying over then that's different to somebody that lives down the road just wanting to stay over for the sake of it.
 
I have two grown up children both early to mid 20's my view was and still is if they are adults and in a stable relationship it's not a problem but fortunately for me they were both over 18 when they wanted to have someone to stay. I would not be happy about a different partner every week even now but my chldren have a little more respect than to behave like that both for me and for themselves. When your daughter is 11 or 13 it's hard to believe you could feel fine about them acting as a grown up but the fact is they do grow up and pretending they haven't doesn't make any sense. If someone genuinely feels sex before marriage is wrong then surely they would have instilled that into their child as they were growig up and this situation would not arise?
 
Easy: my daughter will have armed ex-Russian Mafia bodyguards tailing her every move until she's 21. Anyone even looks at her 'wrong' they get the 'good news' courtesy of a sharp filleting-knife.

Under my roof: no. Not going to happen. That it will happen eventually is inevitable.
Ask me again in 17 years.
 
As a mother of daughters (both now in their 20s) I have come across the situation (though they were older) and my feeling was that broadly they knew my moral stance and respected my views as I did theirs. I also accept there is more to sharing a bed than just sex and in fact sex can be the least intimate.

Realistically when 'that' time came it was far less an issue than one would suppose; continuous real communication is the key. Far worse is the realisation of how old we have become without noticing and i sometimes wonder if that is not the real issue; our children becoming sexually active is also a sign of their underlining our ageing, little children are cute, young adults are beautiful and we are no longer young ;)
 
I've not had my gf parents grill me yet...:shrug: but with it being long distance most of the time, maybe that's different. She is a fair bit younger than me though, and I was worried but she's convinced me not to :shrug: Haven't done the deed yet as I want her to be sure she's happy with it. But I seem to get on well with her parents (even though I don't know much german!!).
 
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