Other dads, please help calm my nerves

I have 3 daughters and I feel your pain.

Talk to her, trust her and invite the boyfriend over and give him 'that' look!!

Cheers and sleep well....;)
 
my daughter is 12 too... she's an absolute star to get along with and causes no grief at all with me and the wife. She's home when she says she will be, she saves money up and buys her own stuff, she does her homework, she's up at 6.30 every morning and washing her hair etc... BUT...........

have you seen how short they wear their skirts for school? Every morning we have to argue the toss about how much it needs pulling down.

I dropped her off at school the other day and i realised it is the norm to wear skirts just below the cheeks of their arse!! :bang:
 
Trig's said:
Mmmmmmmm after watching that clip again - I'm beginning to lean more to you lookin like Reggie than Will :lol:
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"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" :lol:

Forgot just how funny that clip is!!
 
I have a daughter of 19 and have never given it any thought tbh, despite somebody mentioning about any father worth their salt. She is level headed and she had the usual talk with her Mum when she was younger. We both trusted her in so much she was and still is sensible to think for herself. If you got trust then you are contented ;)
 
Decca said:
tell her that you think it would be a good idea for her to go on the pill. You were reading on the internet that it greatly helps reduce period pain (show no fear or embarrassment as you say this) and will make everything a lot easier for her. Don't mention the boyfriend.
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JFHC on the cross..................:shake:
 
u8myufo said:
I have a daughter of 19 and have never given it any thought tbh, despite somebody mentioning about any father worth their salt. She is level headed and she had the usual talk with her Mum when she was younger. We both trusted her in so much she was and still is sensible to think for herself. If you got trust then you are contented ;)
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Don't worry, my Dad was always pretty relaxed about it too!

I grew up in a pretty open family so I knew a lot of the basic sex ed stuff before being taught it at 10 or 11 (I was actually in the first year it was taught at that age :D Well in Cornwall, not sure about nationally..), the fact is Mum and Dad knew I'd not hide anything from them.


I'm 19 so coming in from the other side, I'd like to give a little advise. You cannot stop a 12 year old upwards having a boyfriend, in fact you have far less control over their life full stop than you'd like :lol:
But you do have the choice of whether or not they can talk to you. Better be the girls who can be honest with their parents and are on the pill if needed than the ones who came to me (I had a reputation for a) not being a gossip and b) common sense) asking where they can buy pregnancy tests at 15. Just a thought for you all.
 
littlemonster said:
Don't worry, my Dad was always pretty relaxed about it too!

I grew up in a pretty open family so I knew a lot of the basic sex ed stuff before being taught it at 10 or 11 (I was actually in the first year it was taught at that age :D Well in Cornwall, not sure about nationally..), the fact is Mum and Dad knew I'd not hide anything from them.


I'm 19 so coming in from the other side, I'd like to give a little advise. You cannot stop a 12 year old upwards having a boyfriend, in fact you have far less control over their life full stop than you'd like :lol:
But you do have the choice of whether or not they can talk to you. Better be the girls who can be honest with their parents and are on the pill if needed than the ones who came to me (I had a reputation for a) not being a gossip and b) common sense) asking where they can buy pregnancy tests at 15. Just a thought for you all.
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Without wanting to sound condescending, what a mature and refreshing post!!

You sound like a mature and balanced person so credit to you and your parents!

It's such a shame that a lot of people in your age group (and younger) seem to have missed out on good parenting and general common sense!

When my sister was about 16/17 my parents would let long-term (well at that age relatively speaking :lol: ) "sleep over" at our house, in the same room as my sister. Admittedly she had a single bed in the boxroom which shared a wall with my parents room but our parents view was if "anything" was going to go on, they'd rather it be in a safe environment rather than somewhere outside where things can go badly wrong.

This is one of those scenarios where there's an extremely fine line between allowing your kids enough room do grow/develop into mature adults but still ensuring they know exactly where the boundaries are.

I'm just thankful I had great parents who gave me the opportunity to be "me" but I always knew they were there if needed them.
 
i have this all to come, i have a 11 month old baby girl!

to be honest i hope to think i will be approachable and when things go bad i hope to be one of the people she wants help from.
i agree that welcoming boyfriends into the home is a good approach, this is the approach i was given by parents of my ex girlfriends especially at young age. It didnt stop things from happening but thinking back at least we were not doing it in dodgy places etc.. i turned out ok and from what i know so did the girls too.

although i am still debating have a baseball bat in her room called/marked the boyfreind basher. in a glass case with break in case of emergencies, for my pleasure if he turns out to be a idiot and for her when she means 'no'! It will be a nice gentle reminder for him too!
 
I never allow my Daughter to have boyfriends when she was a school girl, couldn't see the point TBH, I mean its not like the lads going to pick her up in his car and take her out for a nice meal.


Talk to your Daughter, explain that boyfriends are not important at the moment and to concentrate on her education, plenty of time for boyfriends later in life.

And all dads with daughters feel your pain! Why, Becouse we were young once and would do and say anything for fumbled with a girl....... We don't want that girl to be our daughters.

Or is it just me?
 
The other approach is to get the pill and put it in her tea first thing in the morning.
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Lol, i have 2 girls, one is 23 and the other is 13 but looks 15. Just talk to them, so much easier, I also have 3 boys and they were soooooo much easier to bring up :-)

Saying that i did once frighten a lad calling for my eldest, i just acted mean, frightened him so much he still won't call for her and she's 23 :-)
 
But there are a good amount of decent guys out there who do care/respect for girls(or their gf) so not good to tar then all...imvho. As has been said, a good sensible approach from the parents seems best. I think, if the parents hate and try and stop the bf, then he/she will try all the more, far better to be welcoming and try and become a friend of the guy. Plus you can generally tell if he's just out for sex I would've thought.
 
lawrenceots said:
But there are a good amount of decent guys out there who do care/respect for girls(or their gf) so not good to tar then all...imvho. As has been said, a good sensible approach from the parents seems best. I think, if the parents hate and try and stop the bf, then he/she will try all the more, far better to be welcoming and try and become a friend of the guy. Plus you can generally tell if he's just out for sex I would've thought.
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Very good point!

In fact I'd like to class myself of one of those guys, let's just say I was a very late starter :lol:
 
Wow. This thread makes me feel very old, to be twenty and never had a boyfriend.

Bet Dad's pleased about that though! :D
 
I envy you. Try to avoid men till you are 25, it will save you a lot of heartache and misery. Another thing, the single most important thing about any boyfriend ever is being able to make you laugh without being annoying. Looks won't mean b****r all when you are both 50. I would take a ugly man who can make me happy over a handsome ******* any day. (why did I not work this out when I was 20 why)
 
Loved this thread! My daughter is 14 going on 17 and has her first serious boyfriend and I am worried...... I like the 'Bad Boys' approach. May try that.
 
The Greek said:
I never allow my Daughter to have boyfriends when she was a school girl, couldn't see the point TBH, I mean its not like the lads going to pick her up in his car and take her out for a nice meal.


Talk to your Daughter, explain that boyfriends are not important at the moment and to concentrate on her education, plenty of time for boyfriends later in life.
And all dads with daughters feel your pain! Why, Becouse we were young once and would do and say anything for fumbled with a girl....... We don't want that girl to be our daughters.

Or is it just me?
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Unless you are joking that is the worst possible tactic to take... and trust me, you may not have "allowed" boyfriends but I'm certain that didn't stop her having a few!

I'm 32 now so all this seems a long time ago but thinking back to when I was 14 / 15... I think I was a well grounded, moral, sensible girl on the whole with a healthy respect for authority - but that didn't stop me doing some things I wouldn't want your daughters to do (school prom, overnight stay at friends house, no parents present, older boys in attendence... you can probably guess the rest!). Frankly I think it is all part of growing up and you may as well get on board with the idea because it is going to happen anyway!

My parents were very clear on several things that helped me learn from my mistakes without any serious harm (some of this applies more to older teens):
- If you need us, call us. Even if you are dunk etc. We will always be there for you (but obviously expect some anger if you are drunk!)
- Friends look out for each other - always be with someone you know and trust. Never go off on your own or allow a friend to do that.
- Don't flaunt yourself and expect a boy/man to show restraint - it doens't always work like that and it also isn't fair.
- Condoms are not just an optional extra - regardless of whether you are on the pill they must be worn.

My parents were very sensible though - let my boyfriend stay overnight in the same room when we were both 16 and essentially said "we'd rather you were here than somewhere a bit seedy".

I'm sure it hasn't got to this stage with the OP daughter yet but being frank about things now will hopefully save any issues down the line. I liked that they respected me enough to treat me like I knew my own mind and (mostly - there was some rebellion!) respected their boundries.
 
Daysleeper40 said:
Unless you are joking that is the worst possible tactic to take...


My parents were very sensible though - let my boyfriend stay overnight in the same room when we were both 16 and essentially said "we'd rather you were here than somewhere a bit seedy"..
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Not joking, and as for allowing a 16 year old punk to spend the night in the next bedroom listening to him bagging my daughter all night just aint happening :nono:


Everyone has different upbringings, beliefs and values.

I respect yours and ask you to respect mine.
 
Daysleeper40 said:
I'm 32 now so all this seems a long time ago but thinking back to when I was 14 / 15... I think I was a well grounded, moral, sensible girl on the whole with a healthy respect for authority - but that didn't stop me doing some things I wouldn't want your daughters to do (school prom, overnight stay at friends house, no parents present, older boys in attendence... you can probably guess the rest!). Frankly I think it is all part of growing up and you may as well get on board with the idea because it is going to happen anyway!
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I never did any of that, but I seem to recall that I grew up anyway. You did it that way, good for you. It's not like it's the only way, though.

Being fair to you, you did say you think it is part of growing up.
 
Funnily I was on the other side of this, I met my gf when we were both only just 15 and her dad was obviously not keen and made it clear that he wasn't happy with her being with me because she was too young etc, and all he did was push her away it never stopped her doing what she wanted.
Anyway I'm still with her nearly 6 years later and get plenty of free pints from him:lol: So we aren't all bad.
 
The Greek said:
Not joking, and as for allowing a 16 year old punk to spend the night in the next bedroom listening to him bagging my daughter all night just aint happening :nono:


Everyone has different upbringings, beliefs and values.

I respect yours and ask you to respect mine.
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Everyones entitled to their opinion, but as someone who used to be the "16 year old punk" (about 22 years ago) I can categorically say that if a 16 year old girl wants her boyfrend to 'bag' her the parents arent going to stop it happening, short of keeping her under lock and key 24/7

In my late teens and early 20s I had several teenage (over 16 for avoidance of doubt) girlfreinds whose dads/parents didnt approve of me (It came with the territory of being a scruffy bloke with a motorbike, an electric guitar, and a bad attitude) - but it never stopped us from doing what we wanted to do

it just meant that we were doing it in the back seats of cars, in cornfields, abandoned buildings, golf courses etc - and when I left home at my place.
 
KIPAX said:
fair enough.. but did you even read the thread title ? :)
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Yes - and while i agree 12 is a little young to be having sex (like by about four years) my point is that saying "you are too young to have a boy freind" is going to be like a red rag to a bull to a kid going through puberty and wanting to be treated 'like a grown up'

better to discuss all the issues with her openly and frankly (or to get her mum/aunt/big sis to do it) and make sure that if they do do anything more than holding hands (and at 12 its a biological possibility) she understands the mechanics well enough not to get pregnant or catch a disease, and also understands the emotional side well enough to comprehend that theres nowt wrong with saying no if she doesnt feel ready.

and as someone said higher up if the boy freind is welcome in your home (and i'm not suggesting for all night romps, age 12) then you dont have to worry about where they are , what they are doing, is she having undue pressure put on her etc to do more than she wants etc
 
big soft moose said:
Everyones entitled to their opinion, but as someone who used to be the "16 year old punk" (about 22 years ago) I can categorically say that if a 16 year old girl wants her boyfrend to 'bag' her the parents arent going to stop it happening, short of keeping her under lock and key 24/7
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Fully agree.

But what do you want me to do, cook them breakfast in the morning and bung the lad a few quid for a bottle of cider and the bus fare home?


As I have already said, everyone has different opinions on parenthood.

Both my children are very successful adults and I'm very proud of them both, we as a family are very close. I'm not here to offer advice to anyone, my posts are just my honest opinions.
 
KIPAX said:
My point was... he wants his nerves calming... not scaring the *** out of him :)
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Lol - well there is that - but in the long run his nerves can be calmed by the fact that all the girls i was involved with back when I qualified as an undesirable boyfreind went on to live perfectly normal and succesful lives. (though obviously having had the very best at an early stage I would guess that their future encounters may have been a little disapointing :suspect: :lol: )
 
The Greek said:
Not joking, and as for allowing a 16 year old punk to spend the night in the next bedroom listening to him bagging my daughter all night just aint happening :nono:


Everyone has different upbringings, beliefs and values.

I respect yours and ask you to respect mine.
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I can honestly say my boyfriend never "bagged" me while my parents were in the next room. TBH the thought of your parents listening in is probably more effective than a chastity belt! I respect that you decide how to raise your children - doesn't mean I have to agree it is the best way. Not all 16 year old boys are punks...

Carousels Spin said:
I never did any of that, but I seem to recall that I grew up anyway. You did it that way, good for you. It's not like it's the only way, though.

Being fair to you, you did say you think it is part of growing up.
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I should have clarified - I mean that discovering boys / girls and forming relationships (friendships or more) is all part of growing up. I don't for a second think that everything I experienced is what everyone else has to experience too.
 
Buy a gps tracking device. And glue it to your daughter or do what I done to my then 16yr old daughter, invite him round and some of your best mates (the really ugly mad ones who are tattooed up and are extra scary) let him know any funny business will not be tolerated. He left in such a hurry he left his bike at our house. She is now twenty and is enjoying life:)
 
sparky_steve said:
, invite him round and some of your best mates (the really ugly mad ones who are tattooed up and are extra scary) let him know any funny business will not be tolerated. He left in such a hurry he left his bike at our house. She is now twenty and is enjoying life:)
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lol one girl i went out with when i first met her dad he got up from tinkering with his motorbike and looked me in the eye and told me "anyone hurts my little girl they answer to me" I looked him back in the eye with my 'fear no evi'l face on and said " no one's going to hurt your little girl , cos anyone who wants to will have to deal with me first"

I guess we understood each other because his little girl is the girl I married;)
 
KIPAX said:
My point was... he wants his nerves calming... not scaring the *** out of him :)
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^ this :lol:

I talk to her as much as I can. She is a very sensible girl with a firm moral standpoint and is not stupid at all... I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that she isn't my little girl anymore :(
 
I have all this to come although my eldest daughter is only six and to be honest the way she is now I feel sorry for any boyfriends she has when she's twelve! :-)

Steve
 
If it's any consolation, my sister did date a few guys that myself, Dad and my brother deemed "unacceptable" but 4 years ago she got married to a real top bloke!

You know when people say "I couldn't wish for my <add relation here> to meet such a decent bloke/woman" well I can honestly say that about my bro-in-law :)

There maybe something to the toads and princes theory, just be there for her when she's going through the toad phase ;)
 
I've been following this thread with interest. My stepdaughters are now 17 and 19 and have very different characters and very different romantic histories but I particularly liked TriggerHappy's comment "it's not easy to see your daughter grow up and be happiest in another guy's arms"

The reposte to that is that you're always around as second best when they're not happiest!

But don't always blame the boys. Last week we went for a family dinner. There were two very good looking young chaps sitting at the next table and it took me a few minutes to realise that, subtly, they only had eyes for each other.

What was funny was when 17 year old, in short summer dress and high heels, got up to go to the loo. I saw the look of confusion cross her face, she did a double take, and almost did a double pass past the table when their four eyes didn't all swivel to look at her :lol:
 
Two words. Year Nine.

Mine are 14 & 16. When the 16 year old was 14 it was crazy times. Lad Mad. Now she's 16, she's a different girl. Talking about studies, working hard, Nice...

Last year, our 14 year old was lovely. This year has been hell. The stories she comes home with about her "friends" would make a dockworker blush. I'm hoping that next year will see an improvement... I'm just lucky she has her head firmly screwed on and (as others have also remarked) can come to us with problems, questions and concerns.

As a co-worker said to me yesterday. "At least with boys, you only have one **** to worry about". It didn't cheer me up.

Ian.
 
big soft moose said:
lol one girl i went out with when i first met her dad he got up from tinkering with his motorbike and looked me in the eye and told me "anyone hurts my little girl they answer to me" I looked him back in the eye with my 'fear no evi'l face on and said " no one's going to hurt your little girl , cos anyone who wants to will have to deal with me first"

I guess we understood each other because his little girl is the girl I married;)
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Class response :D
 
Just my two cents - my own father has stayed solemnly quiet (I'm guessing his tactic was to look unaffected and dominate boyfriend with use of no words, only huge hairy monkey arms and the threat of silent war re-enactment..) throughout my first, and almost three year relationship - until now. He's only just opening up to my boyfriend, and its nice to know they can chat together and I can leave them in a room for a bit without feeling awkward about it. Boyfriend is still absolutely terrified of him, but can and will turn to him if he has a problem. Its a work in progress, but it's going the right way!

Dad also didn't bat an eyelid when I told him I was getting a contraception injection (17 1/2), but the second I told him I'd gone up a bra size, he didn't sleep for weeks!
 
jamesoliverstone said:
^ this :lol:

I talk to her as much as I can. She is a very sensible girl with a firm moral standpoint and is not stupid at all... I guess I just have to come to terms with the fact that she isn't my little girl anymore :(
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I think you have it sorted really, it's a matter of you trusting each other. You trusting her judgement and her trusting that any advice you give her is for her own good. I went through it with my 2 girls, 23 and 21 now.

My main tactic for new boyfriends was to get my daughter to invite them round and when I met them just stare at them for a few seconds without saying anything. This always had the desired effect.:D

That is until the eldest starting seeing a Royal Marine. It's a weird feeling not being able to intimidate a 19yr old lad. At least he's stuck around and they are planning to get married next year.

I do hope he never knocks her about as I'll be on here asking if anyone knows where I can get an untraceable weapon.:)
 
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