Other dads, please help calm my nerves

jamesoliverstone

jamesoliverstone

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James
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well, my 12 yr old daughter now has a boyfriend at school... I dont know wether to cry or... well cry?

I know in reality its just holding hands and stuff (please dear god let it only be that).

The only problem I have is that I remember what I was like as a young boy :'(

This doesn't bode well :(

I assume every father feels the same way? I cant even keep up with who she likes and doesn't like on her ever changing facebook page!
 
Look out for 'lovebites'... If you see any then buy a shotgun..

Make him welcome in your home, then at least you know where your daughter is.
 
Can't really offer any advice but my eldest 0f three is 11 1/2 and has just had her school disco. She said to us that she was going to ask a particular boy to be her 'date'. Transpired to be nothing but a few giggles and not even a dance but hey ho - it's getting to that awkward stage I guess.

We live in a small village so everybody knows everybody - any mention of boys and at least I'll know who the parents are.
 
Ahh...the joy of only having boys..(both grown up now and left home)
 
I know its just me bieng paranoid, but I also know that this is the start of the lead up to proper boyfriends... a time which every dad dreads I guess ;)

Well, apparently he is a nice lad... Like I care!! Apparently I am a on old fuddy duddy that needs to "get with the times"! Jeez, I am only 34 :D
 
James, I have every sympathy, my 12 year old has had a couple of "boyfriends" and I have had a little laugh about them, one wouldnt give her his phone number and would only talk to her at one break and not the other and the other one wouldnt talk to her at all at school as it was not cool to be talking to girls.
 
When I was about 15, I was 'grabbed' by a girls mum at their house and told angrily and quite bluntly not to 'mess' with her 14 year old daughter... great welcome, it was about the first or second time I had met her :eek: No reason for it, just out of the blue. Didn't forget it, got rid of her shortly after and I didn't mess with her daughter! :'( Mind you the daughter went on to be a whopper and hardly ever had a boyfriend after...

Would hate to be a father of a girl from the with lots of spotty 'erberts coming round trying to do their thing, particularly when boys are a bit older. As boys, and with willing girlfriends, we all had our experiences whilst parents were blissfully unaware. So I guess it's making sure she is properly clued up not just on the facts of life but particularly about boy pressures, boys thinking porn life is normal life, so at least she understands from a different viewpoint. 12 seems a bit early, but certainly over the next year or so.
 
Wookee said:
Make him welcome in your home, then at least you know where your daughter is.
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I always found this great advice to follow, make sure she gets to invite the BF and all her mates home, not at the same time dear god I wouldnt wish that many teenagers on anyone, but it lets you see who shes hanging about with and gauge what they are like for yourself rather than go ob other peoples recs.
 
I already do this now, she is a very sensible girl with really good friends, and she wouldnt dare mix with the wrong uns, as she has clear moral boundries and a healthy respect for authority. Hopefully, it will stay this way ;)
 
Ha ha, its all downhill now.

My 3 girls are now 29,23 & 20 & we still have spotty herberts trying there luck!!! Only at the weekend did I have to tell one boyfriend that daughters are for life but boyfriends are just a minor irritant!

Make sure that she knows the boundaries & make sure she knows that you guys are the ones to turn to if there is a problem. All of ours turn to us if they have an issue & thats the way that we like it

You will be fine!!!
 
Mine's also 12 so I can feel your pain. (I'm 34 too)
However, 12 year olds today are nothing like when we were 12....Think 14 instead.

My daughter and most of the ones in her year that I know do have good moral boundaries, however I do know of one or two who have boyfriends from Year 10 etc...stay out late etc.
Luckily theyre not as common as you might think.

I don't let my daughter wear makeup that much. Although I've had to relent a little with things like lipgloss and eyeliner when she goes out with friends as they all wear it now.
It's about finding the balance between letting them fit in with their social peers, and doing your job as a parent.

My daughter hasn't got any interest in boys at the moment...and Im thankful, because I dread the day it comes. I can only hope that we've given her good moral and social grounding, and enough confidence to be individual enough to not listen to the lies that other girls spout what they say theyre doing ;) And not give in to the lies that boys tell to put the pressure on.

LIke johnb says, make sure she has a clear avenue, and that she tells you everything. Not just things that happen, but about any feelings she has, as she's bound to be experiencing a massive rake of emotions as her hormones change. If she is comfortable bringing even the smallest things to you, then it will be so much easier to bring the bigger things should she ever need to.
 
Top 10 things to tell prospective boyfriends

1. I'm not afraid to go back to prison.

2. Come on in, son, let me show you my semi-automatic gun collection

3. Bend over and let me attach this GPS tracking unit in the appropriate place

4. Did I tell you about the time I fought off an entire platoon of Iraqis without a gun?

5. Did you know that Brock Lesner is my daughter's Godfather?

6. If you behave in a manner unbecoming while you're with my daughter, the authorities won't find your body.

7. I love to cook, and one of my favorite utensils is this ten-inch bread knife with the serrated blade.

8. Things didn't turn out so well with the last boy that dated my daughter. People tell me that when they see him in public he's always glancing over his shoulder with this terrified look on his face. I wonder if it has anything to do with the family dinner we had with Uncle Dom and the boys?

9. We took my daughter's boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend of course, with us one time up to the caravan, but the doctors couldn't fix the injuries from his accident.

10. Careful where you sit. Lulu, my pet Burmese python got our of her cage the other day and I haven't been able to find her. She doesn't take too kindly to strangers.
 
PsiFox said:
Top 10 things to tell prospective boyfriends

1. I'm not afraid to go back to prison.

2. Come on in, son, let me show you my semi-automatic gun collection

3. Bend over and let me attach this GPS tracking unit in the appropriate place

4. Did I tell you about the time I fought off an entire platoon of Iraqis without a gun?

5. Did you know that Brock Lesner is my daughter's Godfather?

6. If you behave in a manner unbecoming while you're with my daughter, the authorities won't find your body.

7. I love to cook, and one of my favorite utensils is this ten-inch bread knife with the serrated blade.

8. Things didn't turn out so well with the last boy that dated my daughter. People tell me that when they see him in public he's always glancing over his shoulder with this terrified look on his face. I wonder if it has anything to do with the family dinner we had with Uncle Dom and the boys?

9. We took my daughter's boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend of course, with us one time up to the caravan, but the doctors couldn't fix the injuries from his accident.

10. Careful where you sit. Lulu, my pet Burmese python got our of her cage the other day and I haven't been able to find her. She doesn't take too kindly to strangers.
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:lol: Like it - make me almost :gag: on a coffee & fag - can see this be one of many to come :p
 
My daughter is 16 now bud, every father who has a daughter, any father of any worth, has had exactly the same concerns that you have, you are not alone.

All you can do is hope that you have brought her up right and she is a sensible lass.

Either that or buy an island in the middle of the sea somewhere and live on it, but she won`t thank you for that.
 
When she starts to bring home boys that are twice her age - then I would start to worry :suspect:

:thinking: Saying that - you'll almost have something in common with them at that age :coat: :exit:
 
I'm the same age as you too, I haven't got any kids (yet) but my niece is 12 and her "boyfriend" changes on facebook every five minutes.

I do genuinely worry about her first "real" boyfriend as my brother was bad enough with some blokes that used to date our sister :lol: One in particular was taken down the side of our house and lifted a foot off the ground by his nuts :lol: in fairness the bloke was a complete pillock (and well known for being one) but after that he always got his mate to get out of the car and knock at the door :nuts:

Anyway, I'm sure most boys of your daughter's age will be equally as nervous without getting too heavy with them and as someone else said, by making him feel comfortable in your home you can keep tabs on them (this was pretty much my Dad's approach).

I did chuckle when I read this as it reminded me of two things:

1) Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys 2
2) Lee Evans at the O2 when he does a bit on Boyfriends and daughters.....

BF "Hello Mr Evans"
LE " "Hello Mr Evans"..... what kind of sicko talk is that???!!!"
The kid takes his coat off
LE "LOOK!!! He's stripping off already!!!!"

See if you can find it on Youtube as I can't really do it justice on here :lol:

Might give you a chuckle and make you realise you're not the first or the last Dad that'll go through this :)
 
Oh my god!!!

There is one thing I have learnt.. and i can see a couple of posters in here who have yet to learn this... You really don't know your kids... Count how many hrs a day they are out of your sight.. I am not saying they are perfect at home and monsters when your backs turned... But please dont imagine they are exactly the same wiht there mates as they are with family...

My girls are 20 and 23 now.. my boys range from 14 to 35. Believe me I have been through it all... .. I would stand anyone of them up against anyoen elses kids for good manners, respect and all the rest... but I know they act a lot differently with there mates..
 
KIPAX said:
....... but I know they act a lot differently with there mates..
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As the ole saying goes "What the parent doesn't see - the kids get away" :naughty:
 
As someone who used to be a 12 year old girl I have some advice.

12 year old girls know they are women. You may see her as the little girl all hyper because the tooth fairy has left her a pound but believe me you will get the "Daaaaaad" reaction if she thinks you have that in your eyes as you talk to her - girls/women always know this because it's the same thing we use to get our fathers to do stuff for us when we are 30.

Make a cup of tea for you both and sit down together (or you can wuss out and get her mother to do it) and tell her that you think it would be a good idea for her to go on the pill. You were reading on the internet that it greatly helps reduce period pain (show no fear or embarrassment as you say this) and will make everything a lot easier for her. Don't mention the boyfriend.
 
mh photography said:
Totally with you on this one mate, my girl is 3 and 1/2, cant bear the thought of the day she's a teen and has a boyfriend! Surely all dads feel this way!!
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Oh yes!!

I've got a six year old - she's banned boyfriends until she's 30!! And even then they're only allowed to hold hands!! ;)

*sigh* - scares me rigid when I think what I was like at that age - but have just got to hope that we bring her up right and she grows up to be semi-sensible (unlike her father!) :)
 
Decca said:
Make a cup of tea for you both and sit down together (or you can wuss out and get her mother to do it) and tell her that you think it would be a good idea for her to go on the pill. You were reading on the internet that it greatly helps reduce period pain (show no fear or embarrassment as you say this) and will make everything a lot easier for her. Don't mention the boyfriend.
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Can't beieve you seriously think that's the best first approach fo a 12 year-old! :shake:
 
The other approach is to get the pill and put it in her tea first thing in the morning.
 
Decca said:
The other approach is to get the pill and put it in her tea first thing in the morning.
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I really hope you're kidding but the absence of smilie makes me think you're not.

No nurse or doctor in their right mind would prescribe the pill in order for a parent to slip it in a childs tea. There is the small point of weight and blood pressure checks that need carried out on the patient each time the prescription is issued too. Also the increased risk of DVT to be taken into account.
 
Enjoy the moment. It's from now on that you can be a true embarrassing dad. Remember, boyfriends are there to feel threatened and later on, to solicit free pints from :D

I posted this in another thread. It's worth putting a copy in the hallway by the front door.

Rule 1:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule 2:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule 3:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4:
I’m sure! You’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule 5:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”

Rule 6:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule 7:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Forth Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule 8:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.

Rule 9:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle- aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and lay patios for fun.

Rule 10:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
Julie1979 said:
I really hope you're kidding but the absence of smilie makes me think you're not.

No nurse or doctor in their right mind would prescribe the pill in order for a parent to slip it in a childs tea. There is the small point of weight and blood pressure checks that need carried out on the patient each time the prescription is issued too. Also the increased risk of DVT to be taken into account.
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For course I'm kidding, I can't abide the wink smilie which is why I didn't use it, it's irritating and a cop out when people are being insulting a lot of the time, other times it says LOOK I'M TRYING TO BE FUNNY.

I am still a firm believe in the pill. It does help with periods for a start and then you have the fact that if every girl was on it regardless of trust or maturity then there would be no teenage girls ruining there lives. Yes it's probably a case of the minority taking precedence over the majority but the pain and heartbreak it would save is immeasurable.
 
just dont do what a girls father did with me once and hand him a condom whilst saing - if you cant be good at least be careful - It wouldnt have been so bad but i was 14 and it was our first date - I mean seriously does he think his daughter is that easy ? (she wasnt, by the way :lol: )
 
big soft moose said:
just dont do what a girls father did with me once and hand him a condom whilst saing - if you cant be good at least be careful - It wouldnt have been so bad but i was 14 and it was our first date - I mean seriously does he think his daughter is that easy ? (she wasnt, by the way :lol: )
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I like that!!! :lol:

I remember my Dad's "chat" with me.......

I was about 15/16 and going to a party and "sleeping over", as I was about to leave home that evening, Dad said to me "You're staying over tonight aren't you?", I said "Yes"..... "There are going to be girls there aren't there?", I said "Yes"...... "Well don't do anything stupid!!!" :lol:

To be fair, I was a sensible (to the point of boring) kid although I do distinctly remember having a fair bit of fun that night :lol:
 
Byker28i said:
Enjoy the moment. It's from now on that you can be a true embarrassing dad. Remember, boyfriends are there to feel threatened and later on, to solicit free pints from :D

I posted this in another thread. It's worth putting a copy in the hallway by the front door.

Rule 1:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule 2:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule 3:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule 4:
I’m sure! You’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “Barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule 5:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “early”

Rule 6:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule 7:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Forth Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule 8:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.

Rule 9:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a balding, middle- aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and lay patios for fun.

Rule 10:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Click to expand...

Excellent:lol::lol::lol:

I never had to say this with mine though.......my best mate, when first meeting my daughters boyfriend, hung out of my car window and almost had the lad by the throat.
Absolute panic - wish I'd had the camera. The lad was only about 14 at the time and froze in terror.
When I told him not to worry I gained a friend for life and knew the daughter would be looked after by him - they get married in August.:lol:
 
cyclamens said:
When I told him not to worry I gained a friend for life and knew the daughter would be looked after by him - they get married in August.:lol:
Click to expand...

Exactly, it's not easy to see your daughter grow up and be happiest in another guy's arms but deal with it right and you can gain someone who feels like a son to you.
 
My step daughter is 11 1/2 and this is soo true of a thread. She changes boyfriends like the weather, she has a good relationship with her mother and they "talk" so I am happy on that front.

She just came in from school before and said "we had sex ed again today so I know all about making babies" I said "its stopping them i want to hear" she said "Daaaaaad we got taught that too":lol:

spike
 
Russ77 said:
I did chuckle when I read this as it reminded me of two things:

1) Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in Bad Boys 2
Click to expand...

:thinking: Saying that - Dont you think that James looks like Martin Lawrence or is it just me :shrug:
 
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