NEED HELP/ADVICE

Fuji Dave

I'm in Clover
Suspended / Banned
Messages
21,611
Name
Dave
Edit My Images
No
Hi folks I really do need some help/advice, it is a very serious matter. My Mum has three carers going in to her flat three times a day as she is very forgetful so my. Now the big problem is yesterday Mum had £120 in her purse and Mum does not go out, I went over today and Mum only had £50 the carers do NOT do a food shop for her at all as I do the shopping for her twice a week now. Today I went did a shop for Mum and told her her that there is now £130 in her purse, so my question is if any more money disappears I know it will be down to one of the carers so I want to get a small spy camera but it can only be a battery operated one as Mum does Not have any internet.
 
What a disturbing and shocking thing to find has happened.

There are obviously covert cameras that should do the job but if the cater responsible for it is not just a casual opportunist s/he may be canny enough to spot something new and 'suspicious'

However, I wonder if.....as you say there are three carers going in & out on daily schedule. Is it possible for you to make some extra visits timed for say 15 mins after each carer slot, thus potentially revealing at which point the money has gone missing.

Though no CCTV evidence but hopefully if you found "an event" happened you could even call the police and ask them to act? A curve ball thought is to use a UV pen and mark the notes "if found call police"???
 
We used a product called Smart Water to protect our companies valuables
Invisible unless viewed under UV light, police have equipment to detect it
Stays on the thieves hands and shows up as yellow/ green to prove guilt

Or the older more reliable method of a spring mouse trap in the bag.
Know someone who got their fingers caught by a "little sentry" very painful apparently
 
Last edited:
I have no advice, I just wanted to say my thoughts are with you and your mother and I hope you can get this resolved if it is indeed a case of theft.

Years ago I had an auntie who was in a care home and the staff regularly stole money and clothes but we couldn't really do anything for fear of what they'd do to her. At least your mother is at home and not at the mercy of a thief and once they're discovered and hopefully sacked this will be over.
 
What I`m thinking of doing is, write a note saying I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN STEALING MUM`S MONEY OUT OF HER PURSE, I KNOW HOW MUCH IS IN IT NOW BE WARNED.

Put that way a bit scatter gun i.e. on the surmise the 2 out of the 3 are not involved.

Perhaps a note in the purse 'addressed' to your mum......saying "mum, I have put £120 here for you.....so that you have some money..... don't forget if one of the carers get you anything, they should get a receipt and write what it is for ..."

Perhaps that way, it is a warning and a notice to whoever it is???
 
Last edited:
If she's that forgetful is it possible your mum is taking money out and putting it somewhere strange? Lots of older people love putting money in biscuit tins.

If she doesn't use actual money for anything then swapping the real money for fake money might be fun. You can get paper napkins that look like notes. A drawer with some of those in and a mouse trap might also be another low tech way of finding out who has been snooping.

It's also worth considering having a buzzer on the front door so it makes a noise when it is opened. My aunt used to have carers so the door had to be unlocked a lot so anyone could walk in. Buzzer made it more difficult. She had things stolen as well.

It's awful how folk think they can just help themselves to other people's property :mad:
 
Put that way a bit scatter gun i.e. on the surmise the 2 out of the 3 are not involved.

Perhaps a note in the purse 'addressed' to your mum......saying "mum, I have put £120 here for you.....so that you have some money..... don't forget if one of the carers get you anything, they should get a receipt and write what it is for ..."

Perhaps that way, it is a warning and a notice to whoever it is???


Thanks for that, I will write that just how you said.
 
If she's that forgetful is it possible your mum is taking money out and putting it somewhere strange? Lots of older people love putting money in biscuit tins.

If she doesn't use actual money for anything then swapping the real money for fake money might be fun. You can get paper napkins that look like notes. A drawer with some of those in and a mouse trap might also be another low tech way of finding out who has been snooping.

It's also worth considering having a buzzer on the front door so it makes a noise when it is opened. My aunt used to have carers so the door had to be unlocked a lot so anyone could walk in. Buzzer made it more difficult. She had things stolen as well.

It's awful how folk think they can just help themselves to other people's property :mad:


I went through the whole of her flat today and could not find a thing at all, even under the bed/mattress.
 
@srichards

Re: your first paragraph above
My grandmother 'missed' some and blamed my aunt (her youngest daughter who lived local to her.....and was often there looking after her).

When she eventually had to go to an old age home, all the family helped clear her flat. I was emptying the kitchen cupboards and under the lining paper on the shelves was a lot of paper money. When counted it was a match for the amount that she accused my aunt of stealing.

Just maybe something to be conscious of???

Edit ~ sorry bit slow typing so missed your post above.
 
Last edited:
I'm used to searching for stuff and it's an almost daily thing for me and often I can't go to bed until everything is in its place which sometimes takes a while. Hidden money is a possibility which is why I'd go down the hidden camera or other way of proving things route.

Identifying a thief, if there is a thief, has the advantage of protecting whoever else they may be stealing from and there's also the fear that they may be doing more than stealing.

It always pained me to have to talk to people nicely when I knew they were stealing from my auntie.

If you do her shopping, and your mum doesn't go out, why does she need so much money in her purse?

Sometimes people just want their own money. There may not be an actual need but they may still want it in heir possession.
 
When my mother first got her carers in to help with her dementia, she used to give them money. How do we know this because the carers used to give to her neighbour to look after it for us (we lived over 200 miles away). Apparently it was a bonus for doing a good job.
When my mum was young she did a "piece work" job, but would also get a cash bonus for doing a good job.
Took several months to get it sorted.

So before you start accusing people, you do need to be sure of what is going on. You may be right, but be careful before you make accusations.
 
If you do her shopping, and your mum doesn't go out, why does she need so much money in her purse?


I keep saying Mum you don`t need much money in your purse, but she just likes to know that if needed then it`s there if/when she might need it.
 
So before you start accusing people, you do need to be sure of what is going on. You may be right, but be careful before you make accusations.


100% agree, but it seems as though £70 has gone from her purse so I need to find out and if some some one has been bad then they WILL pay but by the police.
 
why the hell does your mother have so much cash in her purse?
 
She just does, but so do I as I have over £100 on me now plus my cards.


but you said, your mum doesn't go out?
you do her shopping?

where is this cash coming from to get into her purse?

FFS give her £10.
 
Paul, sometimes older people have different ideas and even if they've lost a lot of abilities and control in their life they may still want the knowledge that they have money in their possession. They may not go out shopping but that security blanket may be something they need and depriving them of it may be an upsetting experience for all involved.
 
Paul, sometimes older people have different ideas and even if they've lost a lot of abilities and control in their life they may still want the knowledge that they have money in their possession. They may not go out shopping but that security blanket may be something they need and depriving them of it may be an upsetting experience for all involved.

I do woof, but sometimes problems only exist because they are created and fed and this is an A+ one.
 
I do woof, but sometimes problems only exist because they are created and fed and this is an A+ one.

I do see your point but it would be a shame to see someone have to change their ways if this is a case of theft. If it is theft not having money in the flat might be one possible answer but could lead to other things then going missing.

Anyway. The op has some views to think about now.
 
I do see your point but it would be a shame to see someone have to change their ways if this is a case of theft. If it is theft not having money in the flat might be one possible answer but could lead to other things then going missing.

Anyway. The op has some views to think about now.


she might also be giving it away as gift money, or putting it in the bisket tin or flushing it down the bog.
but front loading her purse then opting out isn't really an excuse, sorry woof.
 
but you said, your mum doesn't go out?
you do her shopping?

where is this cash coming from to get into her purse?

FFS give her £10.


Mum came out of hospital Wednesday 17th June after being in hospital for 4 weeks and in her purse she had £120, she had carers going in from Wednesday afternoon. I went over today and she only had £50 in her purse know one had done a shop so money has gone. I took out £100 from Mums account today did a shop then gave her the change and money, so she now has £130 in her purse. If in the morning some has gone then one of the carers is helping them selves to it.
 
Are the carers from the same agency/company or are they local authority/nhs style carers? Before jumping the gun, it might be worth doing a bit more research first. I wouldn't be putting notes anywhere - as if anyone is taking money, it'll make them stop for a while, but when the heat's died down they may start again. If the carer is stealing money, you can bet your mum isn't the only victim. I'd rather work out who did it, and take my evidence to the Police, and let them deal with it. You might be able to involve the Police of course once you have a clearer picture of what's happening. Of course your instinct is to go running in saying 'right one of you is at it - stop it and leave' - but that might cause significant short term friction without proof.

Do you live in the area of your mum's house? Do the carers follow a set schedule? First between 9-10am? Second 2-3pm? Third 5-6pm? Or something like that? Is it always the same carer at a particular time slot? Or do they vary through the day?

If you were living close by, I might check the contents of the purse last thing in an evening after the last carer visit, and then pop in again after the first visit of the day, telling your mum you just had to pop in and check something - then leave again, and do the same for the 2nd visit, and the 3rd visit. Then you can narrow down when the money has gone. If you're then able to identify which carer it is, you could then approach the Police with the evidence you've discovered, and they might suggest how you best pursue it - either potentially with a camera, or using some kind of marked notes.

I remember a few years ago I had someone stealing pound coins from the change supply in a retail stores safe. I counted all the coins first thing in the morning, and then made sure that the top few bags contained pound coins that I'd manually scratched an X into. I then checked the coins at various points through the day, and sure enough three of the bags had lost coins by midday. (Lunchtime approaching) We conducted a staff search on all present, although we knew it had to be a key holder with safe access, and there out of the pocket came £8 of crossed coins. We then took that person to one side, opened the safe, retrieved the other marked bags showing they were missing £8 - and that they were all crossed - and got an instant confession. We then followed this with the correct disciplinary route of interviews/suspension/dismissal of course.

You might be able to work with the care provider to establish theft in a similar manner. Once you've been able to narrow it down as to who is most likely, you could record the serial numbers of all the bank notes in her purse, and then in liaison with the care company, they can conduct a search once the carer has left your mum's house. If any of the notes with the relevant serial numbers are found in her possession, then you have a case for her removal, and potentially criminal proceedings. The carer may claim that the money was given to her - so that can make things a bit complicated if you don't have camera evidence.

I might consider something like this:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B087WV2LG9/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_v4P7Eb62VBJHC

It looks like a clock, has it's own built in battery, you can set it up in your house where you have wifi - then plug in the SD card - and take it to your mums. It needs wifi to access it remotely, but will also happily sit there recording onto the SD card without a connection, reading through the questions and answers shows it only needs wifi if you want to remotely access - it will work as a standalone recorder once it's been initially set up. You can go retrieve the card once you identify missing money, and you might then be able to work out who the culprit was, and whether they just took the money - or coerced your mum into handing it over. For the sake of £65(plus a memory card) - this could be a good long term investment for any future carers. (you don't even have to tell your mum it's a camera - just tell her you were presented the clock for your 10 year service at work or something - and you'd love to see it in her living room whenever you visit - make her proud to want to have it there!)
 
I would have though a call to the police informing them of what is believed to be happening. They would either provide a covert camera or put you in touch with some security company that specialises in this sort of problem
 
That clock looks like the best way forward . and once you have proof do involve the police ,don’t deal with it yourself
 
As you know its not going to be easy, we had the same thing with my late mother-in-law,it ended up we felt being a combination of things, some stealing but a lot of mother in law doing things we never considered but not telling us.
Giving a visitor £10 for a taxi home, getting a career to get her a Mcdonalds and telling her to keep the change from a £10 note and other silly things, we tried limiting how much money she had but my stepdaughter found her unconsolable one morning and she said she had no money because my wife and i were stealing it.

The career was eventually found guilty of stealing from someone else, but even after i had her removed from the roster for other things money still vanished sometimes.
 
Just one story that restores your faith, we arrived to visit her on a Wednesday morning and she told us one of her regular careers a young single parent had arrived in tears because she had lost her purse with £10 in it so had no money for food, mother lent her £10, we thought flippin heck to put it mildly, on the Saturday morning there was a small box of chocolates on the side which mother didnt eat so we ask about them.
She said Jane had paid the £10 back and bought her the chocolates as a thankyou
 
Thanks folks, I actually live over five miles away from Mum so can`t be there every day. The clock is a great idea but sadly Mum does not have any internet at all so no wifi, Mum goes back to bed and only gets up when her door bell rings so if her money is being stolen it is while shes in bed as her bag and purse are in the lounge.
 
Thanks folks, I actually live over five miles away from Mum so can`t be there every day. The clock is a great idea but sadly Mum does not have any internet at all so no wifi, Mum goes back to bed and only gets up when her door bell rings so if her money is being stolen it is while shes in bed as her bag and purse are in the lounge.
As mentioned the clock doesn't need wifi to operate - only to set up - you can do that in your house - then take it and leave it. Retrieving the card later. Tell your mum your changing the batteries for better ones or something when you're getting the card out. You only have to remove the card if money has gone missing.
 
As mentioned the clock doesn't need wifi to operate - only to set up - you can do that in your house - then take it and leave it. Retrieving the card later. Tell your mum your changing the batteries for better ones or something when you're getting the card out. You only have to remove the card if money has gone missing.


Great and thank you very much, just ordered one now for delivery tomorrow.
 
Another option of sorts may be to print some funny money? Im not suggesting counterfeit as such but I wonder if theres a way to print something that looks enough like money to your mum and then when the thief tries spending it suddenly finds themselves in some deep water?
 
Another option of sorts may be to print some funny money? Im not suggesting counterfeit as such but I wonder if theres a way to print something that looks enough like money to your mum and then when the thief tries spending it suddenly finds themselves in some deep water?

Dodgy ground, I think.

"Counterfeit money is imitation currency produced without the legal sanction of the state or government, usually in a deliberate attempt to imitate that currency and so as to deceive its recipient. Producing or using counterfeit money is a form of fraud or forgery."
 
If she does go back to bed tell her to take her handbag with her! Far harder to pinch stuff out of it if it's upstairs.

Another option of sorts may be to print some funny money? Im not suggesting counterfeit as such but I wonder if theres a way to print something that looks enough like money to your mum and then when the thief tries spending it suddenly finds themselves in some deep water?

Amazon already does :) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Homestreet-Bank-note-Napkins-£10/dp/B01LYBG6GM
 
Dodgy ground, I think.

"Counterfeit money is imitation currency produced without the legal sanction of the state or government, usually in a deliberate attempt to imitate that currency and so as to deceive its recipient. Producing or using counterfeit money is a form of fraud or forgery."

Yeah, I only mean something thats enough to get past the mum, maybe with a message on it in small print that the cashier might see like "I've stolen this thinking its real from the little old lady I care for at 1 unknown name street, please call the police on me" :-)

If she does go back to bed tell her to take her handbag with her! Far harder to pinch stuff out of it if it's upstairs.

Amazon already does :)https://www.amazon.co.uk/Homestreet-Bank-note-Napkins-£10/dp/B01LYBG6GM

Could be enough to satisfy the mother and deter the thief :bat:
 
Back
Top