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Might come in useful - How to defuse an Atomic Bomb
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Thanks I am sure I will find a use for it
it does beg the question though, what the FFFF hell were you searching for to find that?
Or do you know something the rest of us don't (want to?)
I could tell you but then you might have to glow in the dark
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I could tell you but then you might have to glow in the dark
With Halloween "just around the corner" that would probably be cool
desantnik
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You'll need something to practice on, so here's my handy guide to building an atomic bomb:
1. First, obtain about 25 pounds (~10 kg) of Plutonium239 at your local supplier (see NOTES 1 & 2). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as you'll have to extract and separate it from spent fuel rods, and it's a messy job. Besides, large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your nearest Al-Qaeda cell , or perhaps the local Scouts in your town.
2. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to form this enclosure, for example a Quality Street tin or a Ford Escort. Do not use tinfoil or gum wrappers.
3. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use bathroom sealant to hold the Plutonium dust together.
4. Now get about 100 pounds (44 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man or the local Bombs-R-Us store will be happy to provide you with this item.
5. Pack the explosives around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdoh or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
6. Wrap this entire structure very tightly with duct tape. Use a whole roll. This shall be the neutron reflector and inertial containment.
7. Insert the assembly from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 2. Use a strong glue such as "No More Nails" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
8. To fabricate a detonator for the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonation caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear materials corrode easily, and devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the sofa will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner of a working nuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties; is nice to cozy around on a cold night; and in a pinch, can be used for National Defense.
NOTES:
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsium. Not to be confused with Unobtanium or Balonium.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. The shavings and dust have a nasty habit of igniting spontaneously, and are practically impossible to extinguish with materials found around the house.
If Plutonium dust ignites spontaneously in a lab accident, wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any leftover Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee jar will do nicely.
NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN:
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS:
1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May
2. Let's Make a Solar System! June
3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July
4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August
5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September
1. First, obtain about 25 pounds (~10 kg) of Plutonium239 at your local supplier (see NOTES 1 & 2). A nuclear power plant is not recommended, as you'll have to extract and separate it from spent fuel rods, and it's a messy job. Besides, large quantities of missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that you contact your nearest Al-Qaeda cell , or perhaps the local Scouts in your town.
2. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to form this enclosure, for example a Quality Street tin or a Ford Escort. Do not use tinfoil or gum wrappers.
3. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated by about 4 cm. Use bathroom sealant to hold the Plutonium dust together.
4. Now get about 100 pounds (44 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT). Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful hardware man or the local Bombs-R-Us store will be happy to provide you with this item.
5. Pack the explosives around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT packed in with Playdoh or any modeling clay. Colored clay is acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
6. Wrap this entire structure very tightly with duct tape. Use a whole roll. This shall be the neutron reflector and inertial containment.
7. Insert the assembly from step 6 into the enclosure made in step 2. Use a strong glue such as "No More Nails" to bind the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent accidental detonation which might result from vibration or mishandling.
8. To fabricate a detonator for the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonation caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear materials corrode easily, and devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the sofa will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner of a working nuclear device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties; is nice to cozy around on a cold night; and in a pinch, can be used for National Defense.
NOTES:
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturnium, Jupiternium, and Marsium. Not to be confused with Unobtanium or Balonium.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. The shavings and dust have a nasty habit of igniting spontaneously, and are practically impossible to extinguish with materials found around the house.
If Plutonium dust ignites spontaneously in a lab accident, wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any leftover Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee jar will do nicely.
NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN:
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS:
1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May
2. Let's Make a Solar System! June
3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July
4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August
5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September
