Living with somebody you just don’t get along with during lockdown

Part 2 coming tomorrow
 
gilbouk said:
Part 1

So I get come home and she asks if I have been upstairs to the bathroom yet. I say no - she says that she had to smother the bathroom in bleach because of pink fungus - suggesting it's my fault for not seeing to it sooner. I go upstairs and find no bleach but instead find this in the bath with no signs of any attempt to cleaning which she mentions. The truth of the story is that she had been for a long soak in the bath, and afterwards just left the water drain away. Since she's a rather large women - there was quite a build up of scum and hairs on the bath from her single use. Rather than rinsing the bath so it's clean and ready for when I want to use the shower - she does this!!
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She's taking the p*&s. Needs telling straight.
 
Cockney said:
She's taking the p*&s. Needs telling straight.
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THIS!!!!

I think the time has come to stop being so nice to her. In a shared household it is the decent thing to clean up after yourself and the minimum she should have done is to rinse the bath. :wideyed:

BTW is she the third persons girlfriend .... or just a random housemate?
 
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gilbouk said:
Part 1

So I get come home and she asks if I have been upstairs to the bathroom yet. I say no - she says that she had to smother the bathroom in bleach because of pink fungus - suggesting it's my fault for not seeing to it sooner. I go upstairs and find no bleach but instead find this in the bath with no signs of any attempt to cleaning which she mentions. Further more another bottle of bleach on a closed toiled, and a tooth brush and scourer on the edge of the bath for the tiles. The truth of the story is that she had been for a long soak in the bath, and afterwards just left the water drain away. Since she's a rather large women - there was quite a build up of scum and hairs on the bath from her single use. Rather than rinsing the bath so it's clean and ready for when I want to use the shower - she does this!!
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:vomit:
 
Part 2

After finding this in the bathroom I decided enough was enough and I sent this message:

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I included my housemate in it too.

This morning she did this

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She also booby trapped a cupboard with things that don’t belong so that things fell out on me at breakfast. She came down stairs and was quick to approach me nastily accusing me of a sleepless night, and suggesting she does more than her fair share and that she’s always nice to me and denying placing cleaning things intentionally as sly instruction to clean. Anyway house mate number 3 / owner was there quickly as mediator as her and I exchanged rather nasty comments. She knows I hate her guts now and I told her to keep away from me. I may just have commenced WWIII

Pretty certain a move will take place as soon as possible unless she leaves first
 

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My gosh.

You have my sympathies and also my respect for having enough restraint to stop yourself throwing her through a window. Maybe her size saved her as she wouldn't fit through a window? In that case you have my respect for just not killing her some other way.

I don't know what to suggest really, other than leave as soon as you can.
 
You could always sabotage the bath by leaving bleach in the bottom and turn her into a blonde. Alternatively, use baby oil then she might slip up and break her neck. ;)

Seriously though, it seems you need to give her a good talking to - she's obviously nuts.

The house should be cleaned to a standard that you all agree with and then each of you should clear up after yourself. If she continues to behave in this way, you should kick her out of the house altogether.

If that doesn't work, here's a few more ideas to wind her up even more so that she voluntarily moves out:

  • Always leave the toilet seat up and don't remove skidmarks.
  • Stop using air freshener after you've used the toilet.
  • Don't rinse the basin after you've shaved.
  • Leave soap bubbles everywhere after you've finished washing up.
  • Leave your socks/shoes/slippers in the middle of the room.
  • Leave unwashed clothes around the house.
  • Leave your coat on her favourite chair after going out.
  • Don't wipe your feet on the way in, so you leave muddy footprints.
  • Leave the bathroom window open so it's cold when she wants to take a bath.
  • Don't shut doors - if you do, shut them loudly.
  • Have your TV/music too loud.
  • Eat food that stinks the house out; curry, fish (kippers are good), Camembert cheese etc.
  • Allow any bins to overflow by not emptying them soon enough.
I'm sure others on here could come up with a lot more . . .
 
This woman has problems. I have a couple of thoughts but I'm not a psychologist or mental health practitioner, so I'll keep them to myself. On the other hand, I would suggest that the situation is intolerable and unlikely to improve, even if you have a 'discussion' with her...

How does your friend, the owner and third occupant of the property, feel about this? Would he be willing to give her notice once the current situation normalises? Are you prepared to find somewhere else to live and move out? This might be the easiest route for you, but I suppose it could easily cause resentment, and a feeling that she has 'won'.
 
Now after a couple of dodgy marriages in the past a M/f war is easy ,be constructive or rather destructive , .. when she’s out loosen a few fixings on her bed frame , ,sprinkle talcum powder outside her bedroom door and tell her it’s ant powder ... collect a few spiders and insert into her wash basket .. if she uses frying pans to cook the handles are usually fixed with a screw ,nod nod wink wink . I’m sure if you think about it it can be fun . Superglue has many uses to LOL
 
How about a naked mud wrestle to decide who stays and who goes...:)

Ya never quite feel the same way about somebody after a naked mud wrestle


alegedly...:shifty:
 
I can just imagine when emergency services get there...

"She may have a hatchet sticking out of her head but honest officer, she fell asleep and drowned in the bath."
 
The thing is, it’s all f*****g funny these ideas, but neither she or you is going to be able to move for atleast 3 months, so finding a way to rub along (you’ll never be friends) will save one of you going mad.

or patio, patio, patio
 
gilbouk said:
Part 1

So I get come home and she asks if I have been upstairs to the bathroom yet. I say no - she says that she had to smother the bathroom in bleach because of pink fungus - suggesting it's my fault for not seeing to it sooner. I go upstairs and find no bleach but instead find this in the bath with no signs of any attempt to cleaning which she mentions. Further more another bottle of bleach on a closed toiled, and a tooth brush and scourer on the edge of the bath for the tiles. The truth of the story is that she had been for a long soak in the bath, and afterwards just left the water drain away. Since she's a rather large women - there was quite a build up of scum and hairs on the bath from her single use. Rather than rinsing the bath so it's clean and ready for when I want to use the shower - she does this!!
View attachment 277676
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The comedy reply? "Yes, I'll clean the bath for you this time, but you'll have to remove your bathing things from out of there first, as I'm not touching those!"

Joking aside, it's all well and good us coming up with quick witted put-downs to wind someone up, but we're not the ones that have got to live with the consequences! I never give advice, for that very reason. However, I've sometimes taken comfort in the 12 pieces of advice for a happy life offered over 100 years ago by the author and poet Robert Louis Stevenson, which apparently goes something like this:
  1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
  2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
  3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortunes that befall others.
  4. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism hurt you.
  5. Don't let your neighbours set your standards. Be yourself.
  6. Do the things you enjoy doing, but always stay out of debt.
  7. Don't borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than the actual ones.
  8. Since hate poisons the soul, don't cherish enmities or grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
  9. Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
  10. Don't hold post-mortems. Don't spend your life brooding over sorrows or mistakes, don't be one who never gets over things.
  11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
  12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.
Keep your chin up and I hope this is helpful. (y)
 
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Ignore it, hard I know, but she has a captive audience to upset.
Leave the cleaning stuff where you find it, don't use it unless you need too
With cupboard put everything back in and shut the door, if it falls out on the next
person tough, she will soon get fed up if she gets no response
She is probably smiling as she does these things, if you don't react it takes the enjoyment out of it for her
 
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Moving house is possible during the pandemic. There's also guidance that suggests someone going to live elsewhere due to an argument is also acceptable. You can get rid of her if needed. Or you can go if needed. If it's a live in landlord and a lodger type arrangement then she has no rights at all compared to a proper tenancy. Replacing her and her lost rent and bill share might be the more tricky part.
 
These are difficult times when most of us are ensconced with our wives/husband/partners for the best part of 24 hrs a day.

To this end it is even more important to be kind, considerate and loving to each other.

I told my wife this morning that apart from Michelle Pfeiffer and Taylor Swift there is no-one I would sooner be isolated with.

Be like me, be kind. :)
 
Gremlin said:
Ignore it, hard I know, but she has a captive audience to upset.
Leave the cleaning stuff where you find it, don't use it unless you need too
With cupboard put everything back in and shut the door, if it falls out on the next
person tough, she will soon get fed up if she gets no response
She is probably smiling as she does these things, if you don't react it takes the enjoyment out of it for her
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You are quite right. I'm noting she's still deliberately moving things to wind me up so I'm going to completely ignore them. She's also being overly nice and smily etc etc. Following letting her know I wouldn't be using the dishwasher anymore the dish washer has filled up. There is one last bowl which I've been using for my cereal and cleaning and returning it to the dish rack where I found it. This morning I found that she hid the last bowl in a cupboard it doesn't get kept in - specifically to annoy me. During our confrontation 2 days ago she denied purposely doing these things and turned it on me suggesting it was 'a guilty conscious' that was leading me to accuse her of these things.

Anyway, I'm not going to react - or hide the bowl so she can't find it - which was my initial reaction. I just put it back in her hiding place.
 
Mr Badger said:
The comedy reply? "Yes, I'll clean the bath for you this time, but you'll have to remove your bathing things from out of there first, as I'm not touching those!"

Joking aside, it's all well and good us coming up with quick witted put-downs to wind someone up, but we're not the ones that have got to live with the consequences! I never give advice, for that very reason. However, I've sometimes taken comfort in the 12 pieces of advice for a happy life offered over 100 years ago by the author and poet Robert Louis Stevenson, which apparently goes something like this:
  1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
  2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
  3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortunes that befall others.
  4. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism hurt you.
  5. Don't let your neighbours set your standards. Be yourself.
  6. Do the things you enjoy doing, but always stay out of debt.
  7. Don't borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than the actual ones.
  8. Since hate poisons the soul, don't cherish enmities or grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
  9. Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places.
  10. Don't hold post-mortems. Don't spend your life brooding over sorrows or mistakes, don't be one who never gets over things.
  11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
  12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.
Keep your chin up and I hope this is helpful. (y)
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Thanks @Mr Badger - I'm very much avoiding being in the house - luckily my housemate has a garage and I'm spending my time there in an isolated office which is out of use instead of staying in the house. You could argue this is irresponsible, however it's not far from home, and I'm not in contact with anybody.

I'm going to try and distract myself, and I things become unbearable, move out. Your suggestions will definitely be in my mind in order to manage this :-)
 
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srichards said:
Moving house is possible during the pandemic. There's also guidance that suggests someone going to live elsewhere due to an argument is also acceptable. You can get rid of her if needed. Or you can go if needed. If it's a live in landlord and a lodger type arrangement then she has no rights at all compared to a proper tenancy. Replacing her and her lost rent and bill share might be the more tricky part.
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Thanks for the info - if things become unbearable I will give notice to move out. It's a loose arrangement I have with my friend so I'm sure he'd take me back once she's gone. She was supposed to move out a while back but her move out date is wishy washy, and contributing to a new oven probably means she intends to stay longer. Its a difficult one as she has been there 6 years and I've found out various flat mates haven't gotten along with her, and although I've known my friend who owns the house for 18 years, I've only stayed for 6 months or so and only have a small room. She has rented 2 large bedrooms in the house to hold all her junk and my house mate and I have one shelf each in the kitchen for food and she has cupboards full of out of date food and has an entire fridge/freezer to herself.
 
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Bake her a chocolate cake as a peace offering; make sure you decorate it with laxative chocolate ;)
 
gilbouk said:
Thanks for the info - if things become unbearable I will give notice to move out. It's a loose arrangement I have with my friend so I'm sure he'd take me back once she's gone. She was supposed to move out a while back but her move out date is wishy washy, and contributing to a new oven probably means she intends to stay longer. Its a difficult one as she has been there 6 years and I've found out various flat mates haven't gotten along with her, and although I've known my friend who owns the house for 18 years, I've only stayed for 6 months or so and only have a small room. She has rented 2 large bedrooms in the house to hold all her junk and my house mate and I have one shelf each in the kitchen for food and she has cupboards full of out of date food and has an entire fridge/freezer to herself.
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Sounds like a complex situation, of course we have no idea how or what formal arrangements your friend has setup with her.........but something that stands out to me in what you say, that apart from her rented rooms, she has taken significant common "areas" for her own.

Plus, as for making a financial contribution to the cooker replacement.......were I your friend I would be worried that by making such a contribution it is the thin end of the wedge to her trying to make her position stronger in case he wishes to evict her. Even more so if she has history with upsetting previous short term housemates sounds like she is "calling the shots" and creating an atmosphere that she is the one in control!

Just my 2p's worth of FWIW observations and I hope you can cope ok.
 
Gremlin said:
Ignore it, hard I know, but she has a captive audience to upset.
Leave the cleaning stuff where you find it, don't use it unless you need too
With cupboard put everything back in and shut the door, if it falls out on the next
person tough, she will soon get fed up if she gets no response
She is probably smiling as she does these things, if you don't react it takes the enjoyment out of it for her
Click to expand...
This is the most sensible advice. :-)
 
Box Brownie said:
Sounds like a complex situation, of course we have no idea how or what formal arrangements your friend has setup with her.........but something that stands out to me in what you say, that apart from her rented rooms, she has taken significant common "areas" for her own.

Plus, as for making a financial contribution to the cooker replacement.......were I your friend I would be worried that by making such a contribution it is the thin end of the wedge to her trying to make her position stronger in case he wishes to evict her. Even more so if she has history with upsetting previous short term housemates sounds like she is "calling the shots" and creating an atmosphere that she is the one in control!

Just my 2p's worth of FWIW observations and I hope you can cope ok.
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You're spot on there!!
 
Many years ago I had a similar situation, I rented a room and had use of the kitchen / bathroom / living room etc
Then a request came in that I redecorate the through lounge , Then pay half towards a new 3 piece suite , Then half of a washing machine and dish washer and so it went on .
I asked " When I get a place of my own how do we split this up " at that point the Sh-t hit the fan
This person when I left said " You havent paid me this weeks rent ! , I said correct and I havent taken half of everthing I own !!

This person was my sister , Its a long story :confused:
 
I've only just caught up with this thread, what a bloody nightmare situation to be in, Gil, in the best of times, let alone "our" current situation !

She sounds like a total control freak to me and the expression is playing mid f*** games (with you).
 
F1.2 said:
This person was my sister , Its a long story :confused:
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I sympathise. My sister and I can share a house for about 7 days before war breaks out. Mind you: 50 years ago, the family thought that 24 hours without hostilities was good going. So things do improve, if slowly. :sulk:
 
slip a few or a packet if your inclined of ex-lax in her coffee ,guarantee she won't taste it ,as a anti-social geezer we had at work found out .give it a hour and then occupy the bathroom
 
gilbouk said:
It’s the whole passive aggressive thing... filling up the dish washer and I mention it’s almost full and then she spends half an hour shifting things around and then says there’s actually lots of room if it had been filled properly with a fake laugh to follow!! And the list of similar digs goes on!!
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Not quite sure why but this came to mind when I read this:



She sounds like a bit of a nightmare. When I lived in London for a stint I stayed in many different house shares over the years and some people really are odd, thankfully most were fine though. But as easy as it is to say to do this and that on here, in reality it's not quite as easy as that when you are living with the person so you definitely have my sympathy.

Don't let her consume your thoughts and bring you down to her level. Stay civil but emotionless when it comes to her and her childish actions. Adopt the position that she is completely irrelevant to you and focus on things which makes you a better person instead.
 
gilbouk said:
Part 2

After finding this in the bathroom I decided enough was enough and I sent this message:

View attachment 277695
I included my housemate in it too.
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Have you spoken to your house mates? Do they agree?
If so, send an email explaining her behaviour isn't acceptable and if she carries on you will all complain to the letting agency to have her removed.
 
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