Is there a point to any of this ???

Dale_tem said:
We were in a similar situation so used some of our money for gardener and cleaner so we aren't spending our precious time maintaining our house but doing things we want to do.
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I would me more concerned about using precious income on paying someone so do the small stuff that can be easily done yourself :-)
 
I work hard, I don't want to spend my weekends and evenings looking after the house, I want to enjoy being with my kids.

Yes it can be easily done, but I don't want to wish I had spend more time with the kids when I am older and the kids have grown up.
 
Give the kids a paint brush...
 
It's the age old turning 40 lament :)

If your finances can cope then why not see if you can both shorten your working hours?

If you are getting up for work before your natural waking time then this creates sleep deprivation too.

Only you can decide what it is for and whether there is any point. You need to work out why you are in this rat race and whether you wish to remain in it or do something completely different.
 
bl0at3r said:
Thanks for all the replies, we do have a great time together and are clearly very lucky.

I guess life is what you make it.

Must just be a bit of winter blues :)

And yes, I probably am having a mid life crisis - I have recently bought a blue sports car !

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Excellent! If you don't treat yourself now and again then it does beg the question 'is it all worth it?'.

Saying that, sometimes buying stuff still fails to eradicate the blues. I know where you're coming from though - I turned 40 on New Years Day, and my motivation is at an all time low.

Maybe you need a project? Maybe exercise more to increase your Serotonin and Dopamine levels?

Listen to me....I can't even follow my own advice pmsl.
 
bl0at3r said:
Thanks for all the replies, we do have a great time together and are clearly very lucky.

I guess life is what you make it.

Must just be a bit of winter blues :)

And yes, I probably am having a mid life crisis - I have recently bought a blue sports car !

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You bought that and are still complaining? After my heart attack and then breaking my ankle, we have been struggling with me only getting SSI since July last year, sold all my gear off to help pay the bills. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you here? I am now in the KIPAX camp of "I really don`t GAF!"
 
It does get easier !:)
I've been married for 24 year's and now have paid off our mortgage even though I've never had well paid work but have always just got by
We changed our lives when I was able to get a job in North Wales 20 years ago we were able to buy a decent house and we could afford a car
I work shifts 4 on 4 off and we hardly used to see each other but my wife reduced her hours to 3 days a week so we see each other now for at least two days a week
I get pressured at work to work extra shifts on my days off but refuse I would rather spend the time with the missus
 
KIPAX said:
sorry but..people who have life so good and still complain... no sympathy here.. sounds like you need a red sports car... haha mid life crisis ..
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I'd love to know what a mid-life 'crisis' actually entails?

It seems like a term that's thrown about by a)teenagers that don't know the score or b)wives that are jealous because their husband is spending the money that HE earned on HIMSELF!

From what I can gather, there's no crisis going on whatsoever - it's merely a case of someone reaching a point in their life where they have the means to accomplish something they've always dreamed of doing but previously haven't had either the time or finances to achieve it.

If anything, it's a 'I'm 40 now f*** yea let's do this sh*t !!' ;)
 
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Its way more complicated than that. :D The problem is you know you have less time left than the amount you have used already, which suddenly changes the perspective's of a mans life. Up to this point, most of us men are living life as a young man, Perter Pan esq, we've noticed and planned for mortal problems, but this news of reality half way through kinda slaps you in the face in surprise nonetheless, you realise fully for the first time that, 'this is my life, what where my plans, all gone now? Is this what I have become, im confused, what the heck am I meant to do next?'

Seriously can someone tell me what do to... lol
 
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Life without kids was free and fun
Life with kids means less money due to childcare, giving up work, taking 4 on holiday, additional costs, probably a bigger house etc. etc. The dad generally works hard, keeps his head down provides for the family, gives up their interests to spend time with family or working on the house, painting, gardening, washing cars etc. Finally wakes up one day and thinks 'What about me?' I work 48 weeks a year, long hours, don't do what I want, bored, dejected and I am suddenly getting old. A midlife crisis is the explosion from here, doing an extreme change and doing something mad.

I am making sure I don't give up things I enjoy, I spend time playing PC games, listening to music, photography, sailing and karting to make sure I am happy and I am happier to be around and won't have a midlife crissis. It is important to have downtime so you don't go mad/turn into a working zombie.
 
Thanks again for all your replies. Some more useful than others !

Oh, and I never asked for, or expected, anyone to feel sorry for me.
 
I'm surprised I didn't make a contribution to this thread last night while I was a in a drunken, gibbering state. Quite proud of myself really :D
 
Emigrate.

It's easy and you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner. I've been in Hong Kong for just over 3 years and seen far more of Asia than I would have otherwise (nipped to Bangkok at the weekend, snowboarding in Japan next week). Time for another change now though, so I'm moving to Germany next month :))
 
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Dale_tem said:
Life without kids was free and fun
Life with kids means less money due to childcare, giving up work, taking 4 on holiday, additional costs, probably a bigger house etc. etc. The dad generally works hard, keeps his head down provides for the family, gives up their interests to spend time with family or working on the house, painting, gardening, washing cars etc. Finally wakes up one day and thinks 'What about me?' I work 48 weeks a year, long hours, don't do what I want, bored, dejected and I am suddenly getting old. A midlife crisis is the explosion from here, doing an extreme change and doing something mad.

I am making sure I don't give up things I enjoy, I spend time playing PC games, listening to music, photography, sailing and karting to make sure I am happy and I am happier to be around and won't have a midlife crissis. It is important to have downtime so you don't go mad/turn into a working zombie.
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Can't say I did anything less after having kids than I did before. Wife was only working part time by the time we were expecting our first son and gave up all together at around 7 months. When my eldest was 3 we started going to motorsport events, the youngest went to his 1st motor race at 18 months, in fact I'd say we did more after the kids came along than we did before. I'd given up 5-a-side football once or twice a week after we got married and took up weight training 5 times a week. A lot of my workmates worked away for a fortnight at a time for anything from 3 to 6 months a year. I stayed at base did weekend overtime when it was there and I could be bothered and saw the kids everyday without fail even if it was only for an hour or so of a morning before they went to school and I was working a late shift.
 
new2me said:
And free? Do other countries take us in and give us money for nothing these days?
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No, what usually happens is that businesses will exchange money for services, it's a really handy arrangement! What's more, you'll often get paid more, and taxed less than in the UK. You can get a relocation package that covers the moving costs, kids education, paperwork etc.

It's really very easy. All you have to do is decide you want a change and start looking for work somewhere outside the UK.
 
mid_gen said:
No, what usually happens is that businesses will exchange money for services, it's a really handy arrangement! What's more, you'll often get paid more, and taxed less than in the UK. You can get a relocation package that covers the moving costs, kids education, paperwork etc.

It's really very easy. All you have to do is decide you want a change and start looking for work somewhere outside the UK.
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Surely that all depends on the work you do. Past 33yrs I have been a press toolmaker, fairly specialised and most are taken on as self employed. I've known many people leave where I work, money was better whilst work was there, but the second it finished it was see you later. Most have tried to come back and wish they never left. Now I'm training as a prototype engine dyno operator. The engineers who write the test programmes which end up as the cars ecu programmes are amongst the top in that field and would rather work in the UK than anywhere else.
 
nilagin said:
Surely that all depends on the work you do. Past 33yrs I have been a press toolmaker, fairly specialised and most are taken on as self employed. I've known many people leave where I work, money was better whilst work was there, but the second it finished it was see you later. Most have tried to come back and wish they never left. Now I'm training as a prototype engine dyno operator. The engineers who write the test programmes which end up as the cars ecu programmes are amongst the top in that field and would rather work in the UK than anywhere else.
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I think that's generally because we British are not very open minded when it comes to integrating into foreign countries. We tend not to learn languages and stay close to other Brits. All of my friends work for the EU and think nothing of emigrating to another country for their work. It's all about attitude.
 
nilagin said:
Surely that all depends on the work you do. Past 33yrs I have been a press toolmaker, fairly specialised and most are taken on as self employed. I've known many people leave where I work, money was better whilst work was there, but the second it finished it was see you later. Most have tried to come back and wish they never left. Now I'm training as a prototype engine dyno operator. The engineers who write the test programmes which end up as the cars ecu programmes are amongst the top in that field and would rather work in the UK than anywhere else.
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I can't speak for specific jobs in specific business where people have gone chasing money and it hasn't worked out. For me the experience living in a different culture and seeing parts of the world I wouldn't have done otherwise is more than enough 'payment', if you have to put the things that really determine your happiness into monetary terms.

I imagine there are a few industries where the long term outlook is better in the UK than Asia, but they are pretty few and far between, and dwindling fast. With a UK passport, UK education and native English you are probably better equipped than any other nationality in the world to get employment abroad.
 
Emigrating, as opposed to working overseas on transfer or as an expat, is a big decision. Your own attitudes, ability to adapt, expectations, and a few other things come into it, but there are practical issues too:

What qualifications, skills, experience and languages can you offer? Where do you want to go? Have you ever been there, and do you know what to expect as a resident rather than a visitor? Is there a demand for your skills? Will your qualifications be recognised? Why would an employer choose you, in preference to a local? What are the visa/work permit - outside the EU - requirements? What is the cost of living, healthcare, education and so on, and is the salary sufficient for the lifestyle you want?

From a personal point of view, do you have close family relationships and friendships? Will you miss these? Do you enjoy living in the UK? Are you going to get homesick? What about your wife/partner? Will he/she be able to work if they want to? Do you have kids? Do you see this as a permanent move (emigrating) or temporary? Will you be able to get back into work in your field if you return to the UK at some point?

I've spent most of my life since I graduated outside the UK (Hong Kong and South Africa). Working in other countries offers a lot of benefits - and I wouldn't change it for anything - but there are challenges too. It's not necessarily "easy" and not for everyone.
 
Ricardodaforce said:
I think that's generally because we British are not very open minded when it comes to integrating into foreign countries. We tend not to learn languages and stay close to other Brits. All of my friends work for the EU and think nothing of emigrating to another country for their work. It's all about attitude.
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I agree with you that the British often seem reluctant to learn other languages, and tend to socialise with other Brits (this is common in SA too), but I'm not sure what you mean by "All of my friends work for the EU and think nothing of emigrating to another country for their work".

Do you mean that your friends are quite happy to relocate, but are still employed by the EU? That's more akin to a company transfer, with all the benefits of continuing employment and support, than emigrating.
 
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