Is there a point to any of this ???

bl0at3r

bl0at3r

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Alan
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Nope, don't panic, I'm not going to do away with myself, but I am feeling a bit hurumph just lately.... Maybe I've got SAD !

I have a lovely wife and we both work Monday to Friday, we have good jobs, but we have just 2 days at the weekend to spend with each other, we are not having kids and we both feel so tired weekday evenings, usually in bed between 9-10pm, I'm turning 40 in March, the house needs some work done on it, blah, blah. Neither of us want to scrounge off anyone.

Seems that it is just one big Groundhog Day, go to work to pay the bills and to live in a house together, but never get any time to enjoy being together in the house where we're not either getting ready to go to work or we are asleep!

Time just seems to rush by, and to me there doesn't feel like there is a purpose to life, just stuck in the rat race I guess.

I'm scared of getting to retirement age, and ill health and looking back and wondering where it all went and wishing we'd done this or that.

Hard to put into words really - anyone else feel dissatisfied with their lives? Anyone got any suggestions or experiences to feel fulfilled?
 
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Welcome to the real world, sometimes life aint all about owning bricks and mortar and working your Arse off to pay for it. You are lucky you have weekends together some do not even get that. What things do you two do at the weekends exactly?
 
Mrs Y and I spent much of our working lives on opposite shifts. We were lucky to get rest days off together and even synchronising annual holidays was a nightmare. (Sorry, I don't mean this to sound like the two Yorkshire men sketch). I am now retired from what was my full-time job, but Mrs Y is still working shifts so we still don't have as much time together as we would wish. All you can do (short of changing work patterns and/or lifestyle) is to cherish the time you do have together and make it count. If you have no kids and are both working, I assume you have a reasonable disposable income ... so use it and go places whilst you are fit and able. It may not always be that way.
 
Agreed - we are fortunate - could be working all hours to make ends meet.

Weekends generally involve walks, shopping, eating out, tv/films, bit of housework, occasionally the cinema and visiting family, washing cars, gardening etc etc.

2 days just doesn't seem enough - I admit though that sometimes it's nice to go back to work for a rest!
 
I guess its a similar situation to a huge segment of the population. Live to work or work to live? At least you've got weekends together, just need to make best use of time together.

Just get as many chores done in the week to maximise the weekend.
 
The rut is just going to get deeper and possibly start resenting each other.

Two 40 somethings , no kids, both working. Book a holiday and give yourselve's something to look forward to, arrange a weekend away now and again, doesn't have to be anywhere fancy. Even going out for a meal together occasionally. Dunno what your jobs are but you must be due holidays.
Retirement, I retired 3 years ago and love it, sometimes I wonder how I had the time to do things and go to work as well.
The good times will not come to you, you need to seek it out, at least you don't have kids to worry about. A lot of folk only have two days off at the weeken, it's up to you how to use them.
 
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bl0at3r said:
Agreed - we are fortunate - could be working all hours to make ends meet.

Weekends generally involve walks, shopping, eating out, tv/films, bit of housework, occasionally the cinema and visiting family, washing cars, gardening etc etc.

2 days just doesn't seem enough - I admit though that sometimes it's nice to go back to work for a rest!
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Walks, shopping, eating out, cinema - that sounds like heaven to me.

I've just turned 42 and wife (Karen) has just turned 40. She's just started a 5 year sabatical from her teaching job.

We've 4 kids ages 12, 5, 2 and 0. My wife's Dad spends all his time Teneriffe, her mum is in a nursing home with dementia and doesn't know who anybody is. My family all live 300 miles away.

I think Karen and I have been out together (just the two of us) about 3 times in the last 5 years.;)

I'm not complaining as you sometimes do have to put your own life on hold when you have kids but we used to do so much together which we can't anymore.

If it's just the two of you - I'd be making the most of the fact that you can go places and do things together.
 
We were in a similar situation so used some of our money for gardener and cleaner so we aren't spending our precious time maintaining our house but doing things we want to do.
 
Sounds like you have got into a bit of a rut. Cant offer any pearls of wisdom I'm afraid, but clearly something needs to change.
 
sorry but..people who have life so good and still complain... no sympathy here.. sounds like you need a red sports car... haha mid life crisis ..
 
Thanks for all the replies, we do have a great time together and are clearly very lucky.

I guess life is what you make it.

Must just be a bit of winter blues :)

And yes, I probably am having a mid life crisis - I have recently bought a blue sports car !

View attachment 3941
 
It's a ridiculous situation which we collectively as a society have allowed to happen.

Modern life has evolved so that you spend the best part of the good years of your life doing tedious nonsense for someone else and everything is priced such that you can just get by on what you earn.

Then, when you are no longer of any use, you get to retire on a pittance.

It's not much different to mediaeval feudalism where the few with all the money control the many without.


Steve.
 
the hardest thing is to stop wanting things like blue sports cars. people who do not want material things are usually happier. when you work out the cost of that second car, your smartphone contracts and both paying for lunch everyday, you realise you both might not need to work full time.
 
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One solution would be to emigrate. Take yourselves totally out of your comfort zone and start afresh.
 
Have some children, or if you can't have someone else's. That will put a different perspective on your life.
 
Life does just feel like one big treadmill sometimes :lol:

The wife and I both work full-time so are in a similar situation as the OP although we're expecting our first child in July so that'll mix things up a bit :D

I accept that I need to work to live and to have nice things but I suppose what gets to me (and this has been highlighted while working out finances for the time the wife needs to take of work to have the baby) is that there are literally thousands of people in this country who have chosen not to work for a living and their quality of life is on a par or better than mine.

Apart from getting family allowance (£80 per month from what I believe) the company's maternity pay is 6 weeks at 90% of your salary and up to 33 weeks statutory pay @ £135 per week. That's a SERIOUS drop in income. From what I can tell we're not entitled to any other assistance/relief. Then there's the catch 22......... If my wife stops work completely we're £300-£500 per month short of what we need to exist. If she goes to work full time all but £300-£500 of her wages will go on childcare.

I know I shouldn't complain as there are lots of people in a worse situation that us and we made a conscious decision to have a baby, I just can't help thinking we're the ones who have got it wrong and the scroungers have the right idea? :lol:
 
This is because the majority of us have paid way over the odds for our houses. Two income families today are no better off than a single income familly of the early 70's. Adjusted for inflation the average houseprice in 1975 was around £75-£80k now its £170k.

Then when we get old the goverment make us sell them to pay nusrsing costs. What are we doing!:wideyed:
 
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bl0at3r said:
I'm scared of getting to retirement age, and ill health and looking back and wondering where it all went and wishing we'd done this or that.
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just re reading and the thought strikes me... Isn't the above what bucket lists are for ?
 
KIPAX said:
This is a 100% serious question ...why blank out the number plate?
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You don't want random congestion charge fines or speeding tickets do you?

Or if you had some nice toys on the car, a way of identifying it.
 
Life is what you make it.

You (the OP) sound very negative in your words. In my opinion you need to work at changing that attitude. There is no quick-fix such as having/adopting children (which in fact will steal even more of your time even if you enjoy it).

I retired early and don't have time to work. There is nothing about retirement age to dread. As John Lennon said: Life is what happens while you make plans (or words to that effect). You never know what's around the corner in life.

What does your wife think? She's her own person in her own world (we ALL are) and her inner feelings may not be what you assume. Help each other to achieve whatever it is you want and be careful what you wish for.... It often happens!
 
I've got a few years on you and like the majority, work gets in the way of enjoyment but I'm able to work, am pretty healthy and enjoy the weekends off, some of the guys are work are on call all weekend (every other) so for 12 days have no real enjoyment.
My point being is to enjoy what you've got and look for the positives and forget the negatives.
Oh and if you want a sportscar then f**k what others think and get one (as you did)....I'd rather be young at heart than a boring old f@rt....if you feel that it's not for you in the future then trade it in for a Honda Jazz and you can dawdle along at 45 mph and get people like me behind you throwing verbal obscenities ;)
Oh...and another...mid life crisis is not all about sportscars, I traded my wife in for a model with better suspension, shiny bodywork and a faster engine....though I'm not recommending to actually partake in a similar upgrade :)
 
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Martyn D said:
I've got a few years on you and like the majority, work gets in the way of enjoyment but I'm able to work, am pretty healthy and enjoy the weekends off, some of the guys are work are on call all weekend (every other) so for 12 days have no real enjoyment.

My point being is to enjoy what you've got and look for the positives and forget the negatives.

Oh and if you want a sportscar then f**k what others think and get one (as you did)....I'd rather be young at heart than a boring old f@rt....if you feel that it's not for you in the future then trade it in for a Honda Jazz and you can dawdle along at 45 mph and get people like me behind you throwing verbal obscenities ;)
Oh...and another...mid life crisis is not all about sportscars, I traded my wife in for a model with better suspension, shiny bodywork and a faster engine....though I'm not recommending to actually partake in a similar upgrade :)
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....Snap! :thumbs:. I have highlit the really important bit in bold. That's the key right there.

I'm 66yo and bought this lovely red chariot new 8 years ago. Trackdays and road trips.

RED_RedDevil.jpg
 
rjbell said:
This is because the majority of us have paid way over the odds for our houses. Two income families today are no better off than a single income familly of the early 70's. Adjusted for inflation the average houseprice in 1975 was around £75-£80k now its £170k.

Then when we get old the goverment make us sell them to pay nusrsing costs. What are we doing!:wideyed:
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I think you're spot on...... I live 7 doors down from my parents/the house I grew up in. It's a modest 3 bedroom semi with a 100ft garden and offstreet parking for 2 cars, in a decent neighbourhood. In 1981 Dad bought his place for £20,500, Mum never worked so he did it all on one wage, not an astronomical wage but maybe a little more than average.

We bought effectively the same house last year for £193,500 :wideyed: (and that was a pretty decent price in the area) By my reckoning I'd need to be earning in excess of £50K p/a to even get a mortgage on my own, let along try and have some kind of life to go with it.
 
andrewc said:
I guess its a similar situation to a huge segment of the population. Live to work or work to live? At least you've got weekends together, just need to make best use of time together.

Just get as many chores done in the week to maximise the weekend.
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That is exactly what we try to do.
The washing for the week is done on Friday night. The vacuuming and washing the bathroom on Thursday night. By March we will be able to get out in the garden for a couple of hours (no point at the moment - it is a quagmire).
Plan little trips out at the weekend, but make it relaxed (and take the camera;)).
At the moment I am really knackered, but hopefully that will change in the future if I can get home a couple of hours earlier.
 
I'm very lucky and do not take it for granted. I thank my lucky stars everyday, and half wait for it to come crashing down. I feel like i'm tempting fate writing this. I work from home while my partner also at home looks after my 3yr old, with another in her belly. Finished by 4.30 usually (i do start earlier than most), no boss, no commute, See my boy growing up...
 
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I've read through this and thought i'd give my input.

Me and my wife have been married for 5 and a half years, we're both quite young (I'm 28 in 2 weeks, she's 26)
Up until recently (August 2012) we both had full time jobs and earned a comfortable amount to live well within our means with a reasonable amount of disposable income.
Laura was made redundant in august 2012, she hated her job so it was a blessing in disguise but we've been living cautiously for the last 18 months.
We had a little girl in April last year (best thing that ever happened) we had been trying for a year and a half.
We're kind of in a catch 22 at the moment as with laura not working there is no income from her, but because of the shifts i work, if she went back to work everything she earned would go on child care so logically there is no point in her going back to work just yet.
This is where its difficult as at the moment my salary JUST covers the bills and shopping etc but with practically no disposable income at all.
We are relying on lauras redundancy money along with my salary tiding us over until grace starts school and laura can go back to work.
Its difficult but at the same time i've never seen laura so happy. She gets to spend all day with our daughter and i get 3 days off a week to spend with them.
Me and laura haven't been out together without grace since she was born and i would say that at times our relationship has been strained, sometimes to the point of arguing and
there has been some tough times where we have both been exhausted and wondered if it would get easier.
Hopefully in the next couple of months we might have a bit of normality back once grace starts sleeping properly through the night and regular naps through the day.

Just realised ive been bleating on. sorry folks lol
 
Nick aka nickjohnwatson, what is going on in your current lifestyle is showing how strong the love between you and Laura is - When the going gets tough, the tough get going. You have love and your little girl will benefit greatly from this environment.

There's no such thing as 'normal' - There'll always be challenges in life, they just change. Stay strong.
 
nickjohnwatson said:
I've read through this and thought i'd give my input.

Me and my wife have been married for 5 and a half years, we're both quite young (I'm 28 in 2 weeks, she's 26)
Up until recently (August 2012) we both had full time jobs and earned a comfortable amount to live well within our means with a reasonable amount of disposable income.
Laura was made redundant in august 2012, she hated her job so it was a blessing in disguise but we've been living cautiously for the last 18 months.
We had a little girl in April last year (best thing that ever happened) we had been trying for a year and a half.
We're kind of in a catch 22 at the moment as with laura not working there is no income from her, but because of the shifts i work, if she went back to work everything she earned would go on child care so logically there is no point in her going back to work just yet.
This is where its difficult as at the moment my salary JUST covers the bills and shopping etc but with practically no disposable income at all.
We are relying on lauras redundancy money along with my salary tiding us over until grace starts school and laura can go back to work.
Its difficult but at the same time i've never seen laura so happy. She gets to spend all day with our daughter and i get 3 days off a week to spend with them.
Me and laura haven't been out together without grace since she was born and i would say that at times our relationship has been strained, sometimes to the point of arguing and
there has been some tough times where we have both been exhausted and wondered if it would get easier.
Hopefully in the next couple of months we might have a bit of normality back once grace starts sleeping properly through the night and regular naps through the day.

Just realised ive been bleating on. sorry folks lol
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All kids want is to be around there parents, and feel save and nurtured. They don't care about holidays new cars a bigger house. They also don't need every toy under the sun to keep them occupied as they are lucky enough to have there mothers to this, which encourages there imagination. Lots of people if they wanted to and made sacrifices could do the same as you. The truth of the matter is its a lot harder entertaining a child all day than it is to go to work.
 
bl0at3r said:
Nope, don't panic, I'm not going to do away with myself, but I am feeling a bit hurumph just lately.... Maybe I've got SAD !

I have a lovely wife and we both work Monday to Friday, we have good jobs, but we have just 2 days at the weekend to spend with each other, we are not having kids and we both feel so tired weekday evenings, usually in bed between 9-10pm, I'm turning 40 in March, the house needs some work done on it, blah, blah. Neither of us want to scrounge off anyone.

Seems that it is just one big Groundhog Day, go to work to pay the bills and to live in a house together, but never get any time to enjoy being together in the house where we're not either getting ready to go to work or we are asleep!

Time just seems to rush by, and to me there doesn't feel like there is a purpose to life, just stuck in the rat race I guess.

I'm scared of getting to retirement age, and ill health and looking back and wondering where it all went and wishing we'd done this or that.

Hard to put into words really - anyone else feel dissatisfied with their lives? Anyone got any suggestions or experiences to feel fulfilled?
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Really don't think that you have a whole lot to complain about, Alan. Much more positive things there than many have, I expect.
I went through nearly 40 years of working life living for my weekends off when I could get out into the wilds and indulge my pastimes. These two days of bliss made the other five days of working to finance my life worth it. Focus on the good aspects and don't dwell on the other bits.

Lucky you don't have kids. Just think what a pain they'd be upsetting your weekends off ... :LOL:
 
i know how you feel we both worked all our lives ,(now both retired) brought up 6 kids ,and now have 10 grandkids and 2 great grandkids to buy birthday presents for plus of course christmas ,i see the wife all the time apart from when i sneak out on my own ,its really so heartbreaking when i see you poor young ones struggling so hard .it must be really hard to survive in essex these day :help:
you of course could always do what i did 30 years ago in the same situation ,sell up ,find a cheaper home oop norf ,and a new job ,have a better life style two or three foreign holidays a year ,car and caravan for weekends ,only you would need to work as our cost of living is far cheaper ,and if you made a proper move and came to wales even your prescriptions are free ,so you can stay healthy to.

theres always a way round it you just have to think about it ,:woot: i normally charge high rates for this sort of relate planning but in your case as your also a essex lad i'll waiver the normal fee and just take a canon 500mm f4 instead ,the pension won't quite stretch that far :runaway::runaway::runaway:
 
its never going to be easy in todays economy. Everything is expensive, especially for younger folk who don't really earn what i'd like to think of as a 'decent' wage
I make around 15k a year which is just about enough to get by, its be nice to make more so that laura and grace could enjoy it more buy hey ho.

one day when im a famous photographer and all that..........haha :banana:
 
nickjohnwatson said:
its never going to be easy in todays economy. Everything is expensive, especially for younger folk who don't really earn what i'd like to think of as a 'decent' wage
I make around 15k a year which is just about enough to get by, its be nice to make more so that laura and grace could enjoy it more buy hey ho.

one day when im a famous photographer and all that..........haha :banana:
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