Gary Bagshawe
Suspended / Banned
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In Honor of Stupid People
In case you needed further proof the human race is doomed through
stupidity,
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
In case you needed further proof the human race is doomed through
stupidity,
Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos --
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap --
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners --
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --
"Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --
"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron --
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid --
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights --
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor --
"Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts --
"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts --
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume --
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw --
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
................and its not me!