I wish I was more outgoing

jonbeeza

jonbeeza

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I wish I was a little more loud noisy and outgoing, as at the moment I am pretty quiet and I am not really a big talker. I do come across as shy, but it's just that I am not really a very big talker.

I would be fine in a photography group, as I would always be listening and asking questions. Just in other situations like family and other get togethers, I am always at a loss what to talk about.

Does anyone else suffer from a lack of confidence in talking in groups, especially to strangers?

Just wondering how I can become more gobby in social situations!

PS I have noticed because people know I am not a big talker, I tend to get ignored at big family doos, so that in itself makes things worse. So I tend to not like going visiting!
 
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Get a part-time job behind a bar, guaranteed to bring you out of your shell. :thumbs:

In all seriousness, you are how you are and you'll find it very difficult to change that.
Does it bother you that much? If so then it might be worth having a chat with a therapist.
 
You just have to make that concerted effort to engage people in conversation. It'll probably be uncomfortable at first but the more you do it the more natural it'll become.

When I was a lot younger I used to hate making eye contact and holding people's gaze. The only solution to that was to make a conscious effort to look straight into people's eyes until they look away first. Several years on and it's completely natural thing for me to do now, and the difference in the way people respond to me is quite remarkable for such a simple thing.
 
You don't need a therapist :)
 
Do you really want to be more outgoing? If so how old are you?

I'm not being impertinent as many teenagers and older people find conversing confidently in groups a challenge. However ther are a few things to factor in:

1) As you get older, you become naturally more confident;
2) You become more accepting of your shortcomings;
3) You care less what folk think of you;
4) You discover the kind of folk to whom you relate more easily, and;
5) You learn to avoid the folk to whom you don't relate.

There are many other factors which come into play.

Mind if you are sixty five years old, then none of the above applies to you! ;)
 
TriggerHappy said:
When I was a lot younger I used to hate making eye contact and holding people's gaze. The only solution to that was to make a conscious effort to look straight into people's eyes until they look away first.
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I am not as bad with the eye contact thing at the moment, I cracked that a few years ago. But when I was a kid I did have problem making eye contact, I would always end up blushing.

I think I must always go around with a frown, as my missus always says I look too serious lol
 
Wozzaaah said:
If so then it might be worth having a chat with a therapist.
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chuckled at that ;)

I grew up as a very shy pale ginger kid, now I just talk ball okks and it gets me nowhere :thinking:

Just be engaged in what you know and love, you will find people to listen to you and the rest are the dull and boring anyway :love:
 
jonbeeza said:
I am not as bad with the eye contact thing at the moment, I cracked that a few years ago. But when I was a kid I did have problem making eye contact, I would always end up blushing.

I think I must always go around with a frown, as my missus always says I look too serious lol
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I was just using it as an illustration how tackling the problem head on is a good approach, no different to if one struggles to talk to girls or whatever else, rather than suggesting that was part of your problem.
 
jonbeeza said:
Just wondering how I can become more gobby in social situations!
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Scrivens is giving two lessons for the price of one at the moment :lol:

You just have to be yourself Jon, personaly I am a watcher and listener in social situations probably more than a talker. Having done a lot of building work in the past for people, I have met all sorts from all walks of life,Doctors,Barristers even Jane seymore and Peter Gabriel. I have never felt intimidated by those that are probably in a better job than myself,or more educated and more knowledgeable than myself.Obviously if you are talking to people for the first time it can be difficult. I will usualy approach someone with a smile, put my hand out to shake theirs and introduce myself, sometimes a lot of others are feeling the same as you. Once you have introduced yourself you can then ask that person a question. If you were at a party or some other small social event, you could just say for arguments sake " Hi I`m Jon I have come here with so and so as she works with or is friends with my wife,partner " You could then follow that with " Are you friends with Him/Her, or are you family? Etc etc etc.
 
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Yellowbelly said:
Do you really want to be more outgoing? If so how old are you?
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Well I am not a youngster, a bit of an old git really. Old enough to do everything but talk it would seem :lol:



u8myufo said:
You just have to be yourself Jon, personaly I am a watcher and listener in social situations probably more than a talker.
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Thanks for that reply Rich, I sometimes start off well but soon run out of things to say. I tend to then bury my head in my iphone and switch off, I know it's not an ideal situation. But like you I prefer to listen, rather than talk. Maybe I need a good few drinks and forget about my inhibitions ;)
 
jonbeeza said:
Just wondering how I can become more gobby in social situations!
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I'm not convinced this would be an improvement. I tend to only speak when I have something useful to say, too many people are in love with the sound of their own voices or feel the need to fill silence with inane chatter.
 
you are what you are, dont try to change.

I am the same, can talk to a room full of a thousand people on stage, run round the studio shouting my head off, social situations, dead quiet.

I am just not a great people person.

that said, once you get me talking you wish you hadn't.....
 
jonbeeza said:
I sometimes start off well but soon run out of things to say. I tend to then bury my head in my iphone and switch off, I know it's not an ideal situation.
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I'm exactly the same! Listener and watcher, not as talkative as peers who could come up with the most random banter. Most people around me know I'm not a talker, so tend to keep on talking unless I speak up.

Don't have much advice apart from don't bury your head in your smart phone. It's like telling everyone else you are not interested in a conversion. Look for people you know and try to join into their conversations.
 
There is a world of difference between being alone and being lonely. Not everyone is good at chat and small talk. Just listen to some of the conversations you are missing out on and you'll find that a lot of what is said is of little real importance.

You probably know those who you feel happiest talking to. Talk to them. The air heads that just want to chatter to boost their own ego can be left discussing i-phones and i-pads and i-children and all the other "important" detritus of modern day life.

Don't worry about it, you really are missing very little.

(P.S. As you've guessed I'm no good at chat either. Does it worry me? Used to when I was chasing women, but SWMBO soon stopped that!!!)
 
Wozzaaah said:
Get a part-time job behind a bar, guaranteed to bring you out of your shell. :thumbs:

In all seriousness, you are how you are and you'll find it very difficult to change that.
Does it bother you that much? If so then it might be worth having a chat with a therapist.
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Or go to whoever tutored Brian Blessed. In no time you will be talking so much that everyone will be sick of hearing you.
 
I used to have this problem before uni, I also don't drink at all so couldn't use that to become more talkative!
I'm a lot more talkative now though, I've even been told so by a number of family members.
 
I've often been accused of being miserable and too serious, when that really couldn't be further from the truth. I just don't feel the need to walk around with a permanent grin on my face, singing zippadee doo daa. I'm just like a few people that have already posted on this thread I suppose, in that I'm more of an observer and thinker. There are very few people who's opinion of me I care about, and I don't think you should worry too much about trying to be what you think you should be. If it makes you happy to change the way you react to social situations, then great, but don't do it just because it would make others happy.
 
I wouldn't worry about it.

I'm not much of a talker either, but I have no issues if people talk to me and I can keep a conversation going. Some people might say it's that I'm a bit shy, quiet or whatever but it doesn't bother me.

Oddly enough, I find it easier to talk to complete strangers than I do with say a group of friends I don't know particularly well.
 
Nothing wrong with being a listener rather than a talker Jon. I do it all the time when out and about.

World is full of gobsheites with too much to say, most of which is nonsense anyway..............:)
 
As other have said, don't worry about it.

It can become a problem though if your shyness stops you from doing the things in life that you want todo.

Me, I'm absolutely as quite as they come. I'm awful at small talk, to the point where I actively avoid getting my haircut some months, just so I can avoid the awkwardness.

But I want to be a successful wedding & portrait photographer. My shyness would get in the way of that happening. So I've developed a habit of what I call "putting my hat on".

It's not "me" directing groups or shooting weddings, it's photographer chris and he's just swell as being a bit loud when he needs to be. I suppose it's similar to the way some people put on a persona for work, and then come home and be themselves etc. I don't know.

This all sounds a bit crazy as I write it, but it does actually help. Maybe it's just me.

Some people are just naturally confident, but sometimes faking it can be just as good, especially if there is the chance of good things happening because of it! :)
 
arclight said:
Or go to whoever tutored Brian Blessed. In no time you will be talking so much that everyone will be sick of hearing you.
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Gawd blimey Brian Blessed met him at a wedding years back, really nice bloke and surprisingly not as loud as I expected.
 
Nikon Man said:
Gawd blimey Brian Blessed met him at a wedding years back, really nice bloke and surprisingly not as loud as I expected.
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Yes, it will be put on. He first appeared on screen in Z Cars 50 years ago. He was not loud in that. Possibly been to drama school or similar since then.
 
Well thanks for all those replies so far, pretty interesting reading that gives me something to think about. I think it may be also a slight fear of saying something and being afraid of what others think about what I am talking about. I get annoyed at being talked over by others, most of the time I end up giving up and keeping my mouth shut.

I was never a good a good talker at school, and I used to hate it when we would each have to read aloud from a book in front of the whole class. I would dread it getting to my turn, and when it was my turn I would get all embarrassed and end up going bright red.

I am not nearly as bad as that now, but I believe I should be a little more confident after all these years :|
 
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