How to speak Essex

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This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex .

A task not for the faint-hearted.




alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend")

assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")

cort a panda - A rather large hamburger

Dan in the maff - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit Dan in the maff")

eye-eels - Women's shoes

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired(Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island

lafarjik - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport

reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's popular soap opera, Eastenders, go on holiday

tan - The city of London , the big smoke

webbats - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")


:D :D :D
 
This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that are planning to venture into darkest depths of Essex
Loved them... But why oh why would anyone want to go to essex?

For those that do, avoid these roads in this order:

1. The A13
2. The A127
3. The A12
4. The M11

The further north and east you venture the safer it is ;)
 
:help: - I live in darkest Essex, and still found this mildly amusing, or to put it in the vernacular,

Wassup wiv me umer ??? - sgon rong innit..... sa larf this fred innit though.

Off to lie in a darkened room.....
 
:lol: I'm sure there is a Yorkshire version out there too.
 
Dis translation thin fert mooar odd 'n individual accents can be easily rectified by wee orl typin i' text speyt.

Apparently in Yorkshire that makes sense.......

In Essex it's more like

Dis translashun tin fe da more odd an' individual accents can be easily rectified by us all typin in text bone.

In proper, perhaps this makes more sense to just use this rather annoying site I just found...... http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/main.asp really must get some work done today......
 
Essex born and bred and lived here all my life (45.5yrs) and I've never heard anyone talk like that.
 
Yeah that all sounds right to me... living in Essex capital, Romford.

Really made me laugh :D
 
Excellent, reminds me of many a night out in 'Bas Vegas' :D

...and you're all just jealous of our women anyway :naughty:
 
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Excellent Colin ... :lol: ... bet you got that lot from one of your recent wedding helpers ... :suspect:



:eek: ... :coat:





:p
 
:razz:
No one speaks like that in Essex unless they are East London overspill.

But that defines essex innit????? - Unless you're posh and live in one of the gated communities far far away from Canvey.


Bas Vegas...... "Oi gemmi sum chips, I aint cummin t'yer arse till arm fed......!!!"
:D
 
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Real Essex people talk with no accent or mispronounciation. The rest is just mishmashed cockney or chav.
 
I can assure you I don't speak like that!
 
Gated community in Essex? Do you mean the prison near Rayleigh?

I found it a little amusing and I lived in Southend for 5/6 years, still go back now and again.
 
in yorkshire u mean they talk? lol they always talk to peopel with one hand on their wallets
 
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