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How many friends do you actually really have?
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jonbeeza
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A very strange thing that I have noticed, and only thought about it in the last few years. One of my very closest of friends, who I have known for over forty years, he has a good few friends, but he has not known them as long as me. I have known them as long as he has, but for some reason I am not friends with them. I have been out with him and his other mates, but I don't visit them or spend time with them, if he is not there. But as I say, I have known them the same amount of time he has, probably not long after he met them. But for some reason, I just don't click with them. 
AZ6
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Yes it would seem there are a lot of loners on here, but it looks to be the norm. But come on, how many of those faceberk friends are real true friends?
In my case, most of them. I'd certainly socialise with all of them. Only a few are what I'd call 'acquaintances' rather than 'proper' friends. But it's good to have social networks. I find FB quite useful actually. But maybe that's cos I'm not some old fart who doesn't understand young people...
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For me at least a lot of it is due to not being into the northern macho football and drinking lifestyle. It was ok when I was 17 but I grew up. And there's hard honestly of course. I'm not saying you're naive or telling porkies and I hope your friends are good friends but maybe some others are a little more discriminating and harder when classifying people as people we know and knock about with from time to time or true friends.
PS.
One guy I count as a friend hugs me like his long lost brother every time I see him and we've shared good and bad times and talk about the most private things and troubles. Maybe I am being hard not saying he's a true friend but he's a friend and he's also a hardened criminal who made a career out of it, he's done hard time and if someone offends you he'll happily beat them up for money, if you're a mate. He's a friend but I'll not say he's my bossom buddie
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AZ6
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Yeah culture is a key part; if you're not into drinking, then this can impact on your social life, depending on what circles you live in. I think it's different in London, cos there's so many opportunities to socialise with all sorts of people. Cultural background is also an important factor here; many 'British' people don't have that strong extended family thing you find in other cultures, plus people move around a lot for work, career etc. But personality is the most important part of it. Either you're a sociable type, or you're not. I'm happy with my own company as much as I am with that of others. But I'm really missing not being able to socialise right now, praps why I'm on here so much atm. Loads of FB/WA/Skype stuff going on, but it's not the same.
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Oh I'm social, I'm a nerd but I'm social.
I've had several foreign girlfriends and they're been surprised when they've met my family and seen how we live as they too have been under the impression that we Brits don't do close loving families. Maybe it is different in different areas and circles but everyone I know does. Even those with the most horrible families have some contact with someone.
I'm on here a lot as I'm looking after someone and mostly tied to the house.
bass_junkie83
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Off to work at 6:00am, back home by 7:00pm. Dinner, shower, bed and repeat Monday to Friday.
Weekends - actually spend some time with the family/DIY/sleep. Doesn't leave a lot of time to fit anyone else in.
Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of acquaintances through old hobbies, get on well with people I work with but if I left to work somewhere else would I still keep in touch? Doubtful.
I know a few people that have large friend groups, but quite frankly every single one of them is someone who has never really grown up, it's like they are still at school. Dead end jobs, bad relationships with their other halves, no family or prospect of settling down, but it's OK, they get to go down the pub three times a week and talk about football. I regret nothing.
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jonbeeza
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If we are sat around a table in a pub and chatting, we would consider ourselves to be out with our mates. Yet we can be drinking and sat at home, while chatting to each other on here, and even after many years, still don't see each other as mates...
AZ6
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Fair enough. Such a lifestyle would leave little extra time for socialising. I've tended to form lasting relationships with someone from most 'steps' in my life mind. Always had one or two friends most places I've worked, or activities I've been involved in. But then, my lifestyle has often afforded me a lot of time in which to pursue relationships. I spose I do take that for granted a bit.
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If we are sat around a table in a pub and chatting, we would consider ourselves to be out with our mates. Yet we can be drinking and sat at home, while chatting to each other on here, and even after many years, still don't see each other as mates...
That's a very good point. I'll have to think about that
In the olden days people had pen friends, sometimes ones that lasted a lifetime. I suppose this sort of thing and social media could be the modern versions? Maybe.
MatBin
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That's a bit like saying someone cant be happy unless they are married, in a relationship, have kids etc.
I should have thought it was perfectly normal to have no-one, loads or anything in between.
The counter argument could be are you so needy you have to have lots of friends?
One size doesn't fit all, perhaps the pain of losing a close friend etc is just too painful and not something one wants to repeat?
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jonbeeza
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That's a very good point. I'll have to think about that
In the olden days people had pen friends, sometimes ones that lasted a lifetime. I suppose this sort of thing and social media could be the modern versions? Maybe.
While you are at it, get the drinks in.
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jonbeeza
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Has no one mentions dogs yet? Cats even...
My best friend has been a dog at several times in my life
Our lovely faithful past away nearly two years ago, it was also a bad year as other events happened, which I won't go into. But loosing our faithful old girl through illness, really did effect me and the missus. I could walk with our faithful old girl for hours, but missus found it difficult getting out, as a permanent wheelchair user.
I was thinking of our lovely staffie cross only this morning, and I watched a few videos of her and me playing. Got me a little emotional it did, but lovely memories.
PS
We also have a cat, just been in the garden fooling about with him. He loves chasing branches.
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keef32
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I have a group of 6/7 lads who I have been close mates with since school, some primary school. There is no doubt in my mind if I was in any sort of situation where I needed them they would be there. Then there is true best friend, my wife to be! My older brother and my Dad.
So about 10 people I would call real friends.
So about 10 people I would call real friends.
AZ6
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Having no friends at all, in a society where we (mainly) live in pretty close proximity to other people, is a bit odd though, I'm sure you'll agree. I'm not saying you have to be in very close, intimate relationships with anyone. But even in my bachelor days, I still socialised a lot (more, in fact), and always had a network of close friends (several from childhood; my oldest and best friend I've known since we were both 5). I don't think it's healthy to have absolutely no friends; such a person would surely be considered to have certain issues, I'm sure. We live in a society; we are social creatures. That's how we've evolved and developed.
As for the 'counter argument'; I don't think it's a valid one in my case at least. Because these are all actual friends, not people who are simply acquaintances. I get your point though there are probably many lonely people who do socialise a lot, but who have few if any really close friends.
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jonbeeza
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Something on the TV about fifteen or maybe even twenty or more (sounds like a song) years ago. It was about a person who isolated himself, and he lived in a remote place. A TV crew went to visit him, as soon as they got there, he could not wait to get rid of them. I remember at the time, thinking that could have been me. Glad I kept the very few friends that I do have, and glad I keep in touch with the family.
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AndrewFlannigan
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I think you'll find that as people get older they get more understanding of relationships. I don't get the impression that anyone posting here is anti-social. We have probably aquired many more aquaintances than you might expect. We've just realised that friendship is different to the way it's so often portrayed by the entertainment industry.
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If we are sat around a table in a pub and chatting, we would consider ourselves to be out with our mates. Yet we can be drinking and sat at home, while chatting to each other on here, and even after many years, still don't see each other as mates...
That's a very good point. I'll have to think about that
In the olden days people had pen friends, sometimes ones that lasted a lifetime. I suppose this sort of thing and social media could be the modern versions? Maybe.
If I have never met someone, I would never consider them to be a mate or friend. If I hadn't met them they are just an acquaintance,
Close families were mentioned. My parents are dead, so in this country on my side of the family, there is just my sister, my uncle and me. I haven't seen my uncle since my dad died 13yrs ago, but we exchange Christmas cards. My sister and I see each other 2 or 3 times a year, but keep in touch several times a week via WhatsApp. My wife still has both her parents, several aunts and uncles, cousins, a sister and her family. My wife used to see her parents every day until a year ago as they only lived down the road, but they moved away last year so that got reduced to one or two times a month.
Any family get togethers revolve around the wifes family, other than my two sons being there, I would quite happily miss out on it. I am not blood related to the wifes family and even after 30 odd years, just an outsider. My sister in law was like a little sister to me when I first met my wife. But that stopped after she got married, now there is no to very little connection at all.
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These are different times but it used to happen (pen friends for life) and maybe for some it's still a reality.
I do write to people but these days it's moved from letters to emails. It's not the same and tbh I'd prefer a handwritten letter. These days those a few and far between.
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jonbeeza
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I was just thinking of the days of Penpals. I did have a Penpal many years ago, but it got a little tedious waiting for mail to be replied to. It is insane how quick replies are now, it makes for better correspondence, as the flow can be kept just right.
bass_junkie83
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THIS.
I have more acquaintances than I could ever remember all the names of, some of whom at some point I probably would have considered friends. But life moves on and I don't see them any more, no doubt if I did we would still get on like we used to. I think in a lot of cases the difference between people who have a lot of friends, and people who have few is the bar we set to define the transition from acquaintance to friend.
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jonbeeza
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I may have missed out on one possible friend. I remember starting school, the very first day I was late and I did not know where to go. I was there with my mum and another new pupil with his mother. We were all trying to figure out where we should go, and we all got chatting. Anyway me and the other new boy said we would meet up at break time, and we went off to our new class / form when we were finally got told where to go. After all the excitement and bewilderment of the morning, I forgot the boy's name, and could not remember what he looked like. I never knowingly ever saw him again.
Peter10d
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How many people have contacted you during lockdown might be a good measure
I tend to class my friends in to categories, like my photography friend, football match friend, snooker friend and so on. Apart from her indoors, I would say my best friend is the photography one.
I tend to class my friends in to categories, like my photography friend, football match friend, snooker friend and so on. Apart from her indoors, I would say my best friend is the photography one
.
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jonbeeza
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How many people have contacted you during lockdown might be a good measure
I tend to class my friends in to categories, like my photography friend, football match friend, snooker friend and so on. Apart from her indoors, I would say my best friend is the photography one
Trouble is, people I know are not into photography, most are into fishing, something I dislike.
AZ6
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Erm, I'm not exactly a spring chicken! How old do you have to be before you can become 'understanding of relationships'???
Nah. I stand by my original statement. Just a load of anti social buggers on here.
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How many friends do you actually really have? Perhaps we should ask the oracle, Mr BB King, for his take on the question? I find he usually manages to hit the nail on the head when it comes to lifestyle observation. 
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIW4ARVbhrw
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ancient_mariner
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I have quite a lot of friends in different circles, but I tend to see friends as being on multiple levels:
There are the guys I play in the band with - we're pleased to see each other, say encouraging things and have a good time together. The guy who plays bass also records stuff & a couple of us put ourselves out to support one of the others who is old & sick to get what's probably his last album completed, but generally we're pretty shallow.
There's guys in the church. Many would really put themselves out for me if I needed it & vice versa. At the same time there's a natural reserve, and I'd probably not share anything deep with most of them.
There's a friend in Canada, with whom I probably would share my inner thoughts. I've known him for about 17 years now, having first met online before meeting up in meatspace.
There's something important about meeting face to face, that goes over just online. I've met a few guys from here - Sirch for one - and feel a much stronger affinity than before. For years I mountainbiked, and a bunch of us who first met online subsequently rode together (Chiltern first XV if anyone cares) and became firm friends. Those with whom I did not meet, did not really become friends.
And you need to keep the contact up to stay friends. We have some lapsed friends that we get to see occasionally, but they've all moved on & changed away from us. We got together for a big birthday party last year, but it felt really awkward.
There are the guys I play in the band with - we're pleased to see each other, say encouraging things and have a good time together. The guy who plays bass also records stuff & a couple of us put ourselves out to support one of the others who is old & sick to get what's probably his last album completed, but generally we're pretty shallow.
There's guys in the church. Many would really put themselves out for me if I needed it & vice versa. At the same time there's a natural reserve, and I'd probably not share anything deep with most of them.
There's a friend in Canada, with whom I probably would share my inner thoughts. I've known him for about 17 years now, having first met online before meeting up in meatspace.
If we are sat around a table in a pub and chatting, we would consider ourselves to be out with our mates. Yet we can be drinking and sat at home, while chatting to each other on here, and even after many years, still don't see each other as mates...
There's something important about meeting face to face, that goes over just online. I've met a few guys from here - Sirch for one - and feel a much stronger affinity than before. For years I mountainbiked, and a bunch of us who first met online subsequently rode together (Chiltern first XV if anyone cares) and became firm friends. Those with whom I did not meet, did not really become friends.
And you need to keep the contact up to stay friends. We have some lapsed friends that we get to see occasionally, but they've all moved on & changed away from us. We got together for a big birthday party last year, but it felt really awkward.
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jonbeeza
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Erm, I'm not exactly a spring chicken! How old do you have to be before you can become 'understanding of relationships'???
Nah. I stand by my original statement. Just a load of anti social buggers on here.
Times have changed and what has really killed off socialising, is what we are doing right now. Chatting on here, and not with our neighbours etc. I am sure many of us dash past the neighbours, just to get indoors to get online. Although having just said that, I love a good old chin wag with the neighbours. I always get the feeling, neighbours don't really like chatting much.
Since we have been living in our current home, we have only got friendlyish with one couple.
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jonbeeza
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A few months ago before lockdown, when I was out taking photos. I bumped into another chap also taking photos, he was roughly my age. We got chatting and started showing each other the photos, that we had taken that morning. We started to talk about each other, such as where are you from, and where do you go take photos etc.
Midway through all this talk I wanted to get away, and thought this bloke was not my type. But the strange thing was, when we were talking, we found we had the same interests, and we were roughly from the same area. I could tell by his demeanour, that he obviously felt he did not want to spend anymore time with me.
It was obviously clear we each saw the other, as not friendship material. Because we would have stayed chatting longer, and exchanged details.
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AZ6
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Aren't you talking for yourself though? It's just that most people we know, socialise quite a bit. Either out in pubs, cafes etc, or round friends' houses. Isn't that just a perception, that people are on devices all the time, rather than actually socialising in the flesh? I'm a natural sceptic, but I have to say I'm quite surprised by the extent of many (particularly younger) people's social networks. This isn't just FB 'friends'; this is actual people they regularly physically meet and share experiences with.
This is another 'old codgers not understanding the modern world' type threads, isn't it?
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I have only ever chatted with two of my neighbours in 30 odd years and both of them lived across the road. One died a few years ago, he used to work for Ford and had worked in the area next to where I had been working so we had something in common to talk about. The other neighbour, a Tower of London Beefeater, would often stop and chat if he was out tending his garden and i was cleaning my car which would be parked on his side of the road. I doubt that has happened more than a handful of times with each of them though.
Other than a smile or a hello from some of the other neighbours, even those living in the same block, there is no interaction. There is a bloke who has lived on the top floor of our block for longer than we have lived here and i don't think i have seen him more than half a dozen times in 30yrs. He keeps himself to himself, I don't think he has ever spoken with anyone else in the block. I am not even sure if he lives there full time.
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Aren't you talking for yourself though? It's just that most people we know, socialise quite a bit. Either out in pubs, cafes etc, or round friends' houses. Isn't that just a perception, that people are on devices all the time, rather than actually socialising in the flesh? I'm a natural sceptic, but I have to say I'm quite surprised by the extent of many (particularly younger) people's social networks. This isn't just FB 'friends'; this is actual people they regularly physically meet and share experiences with.
This is another 'old codgers not understanding the modern world' type threads, isn't it?
One thing that I like to see is boys and girls mixing as friends these day, we didn't necessarily see that decades ago but the social excluding, cruelty, bulling and anti social thuggery that goes on both on electronic devices and off them today is beyond anything I saw decades ago too. Maybe self harm, stress, suicides and depression as a result of bullying went on among young people but in my little world these things didn't really appear and I don't remember a single incidence that dragged on or caused lasting damage. We did have some bullying but it often culminated in a cease fire of sorts and at least you could avoid the twits outside of school.
In my family we've seen really cruel posts and verbal comments on a games console and my nieces daughter was bullied out of Middlesbrough college. I never saw anything like this growing up, we had the odd fight (but never with weapons and the fight stopped when one surrendered, at least we had some chivalry) and me and others avoided some know psychos and twits but I saw nothing in my world through school and college as cruel as what's affected my own family in recent years so I don't think it's all sweetness and love these days.
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I have two friends I met via facebook as they are also into wildlife photography.
We go out shooting together and the young lad takes the best bird photos with a 7D that I and others have ever seen.
A friend of 35 years recently passed away but had only seen him a couple of times since moving back here as he didn't drive and parking where he lived was a nightmare.
I have another friend of 38 years but we've not seen / spoken since we went to a gig a couple of years ago
He met a woman with a young family and there were things I didn't agree with so I took a side step but I'm sure at some point we will reconnect.
I'm still in contact with an old school friend but he moved away a long time ago and we will catch up at some point.
I've got two people where I live who I class as friends but my people I would say are aquaintances.
My sister has always said I am a bit of a loner which is true to a point but I've never considered myself a people person in general.
My girlfriend and I are very similar in some ways but I think she is probably now my best friend.
I've known quite a few people online for over 20 years and I have met some of them but again I would say they are aquaintances.
We go out shooting together and the young lad takes the best bird photos with a 7D that I and others have ever seen.
A friend of 35 years recently passed away but had only seen him a couple of times since moving back here as he didn't drive and parking where he lived was a nightmare.
I have another friend of 38 years but we've not seen / spoken since we went to a gig a couple of years ago
He met a woman with a young family and there were things I didn't agree with so I took a side step but I'm sure at some point we will reconnect.
I'm still in contact with an old school friend but he moved away a long time ago and we will catch up at some point.
I've got two people where I live who I class as friends but my people I would say are aquaintances.
My sister has always said I am a bit of a loner which is true to a point but I've never considered myself a people person in general.
My girlfriend and I are very similar in some ways but I think she is probably now my best friend.
I've known quite a few people online for over 20 years and I have met some of them but again I would say they are aquaintances.
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My eldest son has met all of his girlfriends via social media, prior to that he didn't know them. The latest, they have been together 12yrs and they are getting married in September. Prior to buying their own house, they lived 35 miles apart so would rely on me dropping him off at her house and picking him up again, until he passed his driving test and bought a car, I just had to pay for his petrol then. None of these girls have lived locally. I have been with him several times when he was 14 or 15 when he has bumped into a group of girls that he had never physically met before, but they all knew each other via social media.Aren't you talking for yourself though? It's just that most people we know, socialise quite a bit. Either out in pubs, cafes etc, or round friends' houses. Isn't that just a perception, that people are on devices all the time, rather than actually socialising in the flesh? I'm a natural sceptic, but I have to say I'm quite surprised by the extent of many (particularly younger) people's social networks. This isn't just FB 'friends'; this is actual people they regularly physically meet and share experiences with.
This is another 'old codgers not understanding the modern world' type threads, isn't it?
As for my youngest son, he met his best mate via playing X-Box online around 8 years ago. They live about 90 miles or more apart and have only physically met about a dozen times. They still play online games together along with some of the lads my youngest was at college with. Two or three times a year, they will all meet up for a night out.
AZ6
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See that's interesting; the relationships you do or don't have with neighbours, ie, people you have to live alongside. We get on pretty well with a few, friends with one woman and another family at least, and on good enough terms with others to have a cup of tea and a chat with. Depends how you define 'friends' really. We help each other out a bit now and then, with basic stuff. But we do see the need to at least offer the idea of emotional support for a couple of people cos they might need it. Community should be like this. The two couples that live in our bit though, a generation at least younger than us, but they're not as sociable as we are. We have no meaningful relationship with them beyond common politeness. They're just too boring for us. Many of our friends are younger than theirs! Their friends seem to be mainly work related. They don't even have family over that often. We definitely have guests round more often than both sets put together. I spose it's that 'work hard when you're young, so you don't have to when you get older' type lifestyle. But then you end up with no friends...