Feeling lost

[D-Eff]

I feel like I've been trying to find something to do to prove to myself that I'm successful.

I currently run a business and it's doing pretty well for a secondary household income, managing it with 2 young kids. But sometimes I feel like I should be doing more, something that I feel really passionate about and can become an expert in.
The problem is I'm really indecisive and also jump from one thing to the next so quickly.

I've dipped my feet into so many different fields like software development (coding, UX/UI), graphic design, sewing, midwifery, photography etc. I'd learn so so much about it and then every time I get to a point where I'm stuck I give up. I start thinking this isn't for me.

I find it really hard to do something without it being a path to a source of income because ultimately my goal is to buy a house and do the best I can for my family.

Sorry to come and rant here but just feel like surely I'm not the only one who is like this. And why? How come I'm not satisfied with where I'm at and always feel the need to do more.

I once came across a term "multipotentialite" and wondered if that's what I am.

 

[TimHughes]

A few thoughts:
- if you want to generate serious income to buy a house, photography is a long shot
- becoming good at something and making money from it doesn’t automatically follow
- having time for yourself separate from working is important for wellbeing
- why not grow your existing business and treat your ventures into new things as hobbies for personal enjoyment?

 

[Cagey75]

I spent years in the wilderness of doubt after being forced out of work through injury. I had only known one trade and worked in that line for 14years, a serious back injury meant I could no longer do heavy manual lifting. I had to do something! I dabbled in the photography field, doing odd job family events/concerts/the odd wedding etc but it always felt more like a hobby for me, and it certainly wasn't going to pay all the bills, let alone make us very comfortable. In fact, trying to do photography as a job made me dislike it a lot, I much prefer to keep it as a personal side hobby. Anyway ... I decided I needed to get back to education, get re-trained into something different, looked up some local courses and Applied Social studies caught my eye as I have a daughter with a disability [the course included many related modules inc equality and disability and working with people with dementia/ID] Thought it'll be useful even if it doesn't lead to anything. I added in a healthcare course to boot, completed both over 2 years with honours and 2.5yrs on I'm still working in social care [got the job officially through work experience during the course] - I'm not saying this is all that useful to you and your case but I guess the message is to not be afraid to step outside your comfort zone, try something new to you, something you actually have passion for. I never thought I'd work in this line after lugging steel about for so long, it's a completely different world but I enjoy it a heck of a lot more and it pays a lot better.

 

[lindsay]

I'm curious about what "when I get stuck" means? Is it that the difficulty level just doesn't feel worth the effort to push through, ie you are not motivated enough? Or is it that what started out as interesting became less so when it required more time?
Given your list of things you've tried, have you considered training as a teacher? There are a number of ways into the profession these days including on the job qualification, but it does require motivation and dedication (and quite a bit of time).
If you want good income, re-think the coding or maybe broaden the IT work to include website design/creation or software testing? There are so many jobs out there at present, well paid and mostly working remotely.

 

[Suvv]

When you start something new it causes the pituitary gland to produce endorphines, the same good feeling that you get from taking some drugs. After a while the endorphine production reduces and the new thing becomes old, how long before people stop playing Wordle?
The answer is to realise that your enthusiasm will lessen but work through it. A well structured plan that you do not deviate from may help as may a study of wellbeing. Mindfulness is not so fashionable as it was but this course may help, you can study it for free and at your own pace. https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance

 

[Nod]

Just to add that I've taken things I've loved doing over the step into doing them to earn a wage. Luckily, I got out of one before I stopped loving it but the other is gone and gets done begrudgingly!

 

[D-Eff]

A few thoughts:
- if you want to generate serious income to buy a house, photography is a long shot
- becoming good at something and making money from it doesn’t automatically follow
- having time for yourself separate from working is important for wellbeing
- why not grow your existing business and treat your ventures into new things as hobbies for personal enjoyment?

I wouldn't rely on photography, but just to use my creative skills to do something that will help increase our savings. My family have always said to stick to what I'm doing and to grow that further and I want to but I feel like its not satisfying/fulfilling my creative side or maybe I just get bored easily..

I'm curious about what "when I get stuck" means? Is it that the difficulty level just doesn't feel worth the effort to push through, ie you are not motivated enough? Or is it that what started out as interesting became less so when it required more time?
Given your list of things you've tried, have you considered training as a teacher? There are a number of ways into the profession these days including on the job qualification, but it does require motivation and dedication (and quite a bit of time).
If you want good income, re-think the coding or maybe broaden the IT work to include website design/creation or software testing? There are so many jobs out there at present, well paid and mostly working remotely.

Thats the issue, I think ultimately it comes down to my own self-confidence and self-doubt. Its not the difficulty level, its mainly the things I have to do that go out of my comfort zone. Like talking to new people, being confident selling myself or confident in my own skills. Sometimes things will happen that set me back, like when I look at other peoples work (in all fields) and I think "really, will I ever be able to do that".

When you start something new it causes the pituitary gland to produce endorphines, the same good feeling that you get from taking some drugs. After a while the endorphine production reduces and the new thing becomes old, how long before people stop playing Wordle?
The answer is to realise that your enthusiasm will lessen but work through it. A well structured plan that you do not deviate from may help as may a study of wellbeing. Mindfulness is not so fashionable as it was but this course may help, you can study it for free and at your own pace. https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance

I really resonate with this actually which is why I always start something else. Question is why don't I have something that I'm so passionate about that I can and do work through it?

 

[Mr Bump]

To be fair I used to be a bit like that until I kind of realized its not possible to spread yourself so thin, a couple of years ago i was taking lots of pictures, out on my motorbike all the time and what with work i just ran out of steam. I decided to chuck a few things in and just focus. for me the work was top dog as that was the most important thing, i sold most of my camera kit and just kept one nice camera and a few lenses, i had a massive clearout of the house which the wife said was soooo needed as we were both keeping so much crap, along with other things we both now have simpler cleaner and less fussy lives, maybe you need a bit of a life and house detox?

 

[D-Eff]

To be fair I used to be a bit like that until I kind of realized its not possible to spread yourself so thin, a couple of years ago i was taking lots of pictures, out on my motorbike all the time and what with work i just ran out of steam. I decided to chuck a few things in and just focus. for me the work was top dog as that was the most important thing, i sold most of my camera kit and just kept one nice camera and a few lenses, i had a massive clearout of the house which the wife said was soooo needed as we were both keeping so much crap, along with other things we both now have simpler cleaner and less fussy lives, maybe you need a bit of a life and house detox?

I don't really have much in my house and we just moved to a new place so I made sure I got rid of literally everything that I don't need.
A life detox lol maybe.. I think my mind is all over the place and trying to do too many things.
I guess I lack focus and I should probably narrow it down but I just don't know what I want to focus on.

 

[Mr Bump]

I don't really have much in my house and we just moved to a new place so I made sure I got rid of literally everything that I don't need.
A life detox lol maybe.. I think my mind is all over the place and trying to do too many things.
I guess I lack focus and I should probably narrow it down but I just don't know what I want to focus on.

don't focus on anything , relax enjoy the simple pleasures and just get your inner house in order , long walks helped a lot for me and the wife when we were stressed.

 

[Box Brownie]

I don't really have much in my house and we just moved to a new place so I made sure I got rid of literally everything that I don't need.
A life detox lol maybe.. I think my mind is all over the place and trying to do too many things.
I guess I lack focus and I should probably narrow it down but I just don't know what I want to focus on.

I don't feel like I can offer any specific advice because everyone's situations are unique.

However, two metaphors come to mind......

'you can't see the wood for the trees'

and

'eat the elephant'

Both refer to the sort of situations you describe and 'eat the elephant' is maybe needed i.e. where faced with a big nagging problem you need to reduce it to easily worked on sub elements. As you work through each sub element the problem 'weight' becomes less.

Lastly, as in all things in life one can lose ones mojo....... getting that back can be hard. I hope and trust that you can settle your mind on a pathway to what will address your needs to provide for yourself, your children and through that lead to a more satisfying life in regard to work(earnings) and hobbies.

PS in regard to self employment, AFAIK in some areas the Job Centres used to refer folk to a short course on business development.

 

[Mr Bump]

@Box Brownie spot on there mate , my eat the elephant was two years ago when we made the massive post brexit house purchase in Greece , the paperwork and hoops seemed almost impossible at one point and suddenly the elephant was scoffed.

 

[Suvv]

Have you tried doing a personal SWOT analysis? Don't worry about getting everything 100% right if you do one, it can be useful to clarify things.
When studying it is best to do it in 30 min chunks, set a timer so that after 30 mins you take a break and reflect on what you have studied whilst doing something else. That way has proved to be better for comprehension that just continual studying and has the advantage that you can tell yourself "its only 30mins, I can fit that in".
It is hard with a family or other commitments but a dedicated time to study is helpful, you just get on and do it without thinking "shall I do that now or later", the hardest part is starting, once that is out of the way you often get absorbed in what you are doing.
There was a survey on procrastination among students. "27.5% said that they procrastinated, the others have not got around to filling the form out yet.

 

[andrewc]

Measuring success only via pounds,shillings and pence is a shortsided view. It you already have a secondary income, plus presumably a primary income, plus two children, you should do things that you enjoy for enjoyments sake alone, or investing time in your children - not by necessarily providing money, just by being there.

I have a couple of friends who seem to chase every £ they see fluttering about, doing their secondary income work before and after their primary income. Apart from a couple of whistle-stop holidays, there isn't much extra to show for it really and they'll either be dead, ill or divorced if they keep it up.

 

[D-Eff]

Measuring success only via pounds,shillings and pence is a shortsided view. It you already have a secondary income, plus presumably a primary income, plus two children, you should do things that you enjoy for enjoyments sake alone, or investing time in your children - not by necessarily providing money, just by being there.

I have a couple of friends who seem to chase every £ they see fluttering about, doing their secondary income work before and after their primary income. Apart from a couple of whistle-stop holidays, there isn't much extra to show for it really and they'll either be dead, ill or divorced if they keep it up.

I'm not measuring my success exactly. I'd rather use my passion/skills to do something that is useful and allow myself to be creative outside of my business (which can get quite stressful).
Just having it as a hobby would be too expensive so I can offset it by doing some occasional work.

I'll definitely concentrate more on spending time with the kids. I'm not letting that or my business affect my family time.

 

[Garry Edwards]

Firstly, forget about photography, unless you're incredibly good and fantastic at business too, it won't buy you a house. I spent nearly all my working life as a very successful commercial photographer, but wouldn't recommend anyone to take it up as a career today. And anyway, turning a hobby into a job simply means that you lose an enjoyable hobby.

If you have good computer skills AND an impeccable background, consider working in cyber security, it pays incredibly well and is fascinating work, or so a very close family member tells me. The downside of it is that she can't talk to anyone about what she does.

But, whatever you choose to do, it will need great dedication and effort, the only things that don't require these are the things that aren't worth doing. Take my (ancient) history as an example. The photography firm that trained me decided to sponsor me for a degree, which was great.
But I had left school with zero qualifications (my school only had 2 people who they put in for O-level GCE) and, back then I had to go to evening classes to get some O-levels, and when I'd done those I had to carry on to get 3 A-levels before I could be accepted by the university, all done on top of a full day's work.
And when I got to uni I had to work as an HGV night driver, just so that I could eat, 6 years of long hours, endless work and zero social life.